Mexray - 12-31-2005 at 10:56 PM
...I am on the verge of announcing the formation of my upcoming US Presidential campaign organization...for now this is an Nomad exclusive!
When elected 'El Jefe de Estatos Unitos' my first official duty will be to have the US Marines invade Baja California and secure all areas from the
sea to the banks of the muddy flats shown on maps as the 'Colorado' river. Their Humvee's will sweep down the peninsula to meet up with Army Rangers
that have secured the tip, East Cape, and La Paz. La Paz will be taken last, in a fitting comment on that towns name!
All the Pemex stations will converted to ARCO AM-PM Mini Marts (sorry Antonio) and become pay inside, self serve. All proprietors will be encouraged
to learn Mid-East/Asian accents so the hoards of Alta Californians heading south will feel right at home when paying for their fuel and bags of
Frito's!
Northern real estate agents that haven't been able to make a living the past few years, living off only their inflated home prices, will now swoop
south along the shores of Baja and Baja Sur - which will be combined and renamed 'South California'. These RS Agents will finally be able to make a
decent living wage, sucking commissions from the millions of 'Norte's' looking for beach-side properties! As El Jefe, I will have Congress tack on a
few extra 'points' to each deal to enrich our coffers and buy the Marines some new Humvees.
A new 'Western Casa Blanco' will be built on a bluff overlooking the sea, at a location to be announced later. El Jefe doesn't like those cold, icy
winters on our Eastern shores. The WCB will be a large complex, with many large Palapa suites for visiting VIP's and supporting members of
Congress...and their 'wink-wink' aides...The Palapa's will all have hot tubs and piped-in Draft 'Main Land' Mexican beer and free flowing Tequila!
Within two years, any existing road, dirt track, or sandy surface will be paved with first-rate materials working their way south. Bumpy, rutted
paths will become a thing of the past, and 4WD vehicles will no longer be necessary to view the wonderful, formally hidden places of South California
- ah, being El Jefe is GREAT! All the beaches will be off-limits to any vehicles, of course - except El Jefe's Porsche Cayenne 'inspection' vehicle.
Won't it be great to not have that pesky 'border crossing' to deal with any more...except, owing to the fact that South California will indeed be so
popular, you will have to purchase an 'Entry Stamp' attached to your vehicle that will automatically deduct $20 from an approved account when you pass
over digital detectors embedded in the new highways. The farther you travel south - the more detectors you will pass, adding to an account earmarked
for the upkeep and improvement of the Western Casa Blanco, which, incidentally will be wall-off from the general public in interests of 'National
Security'!
Thank you for your interest in my upcoming campaign - a website will be set up soon for you to send your contributions - it will be set up through an
off-shore bank, so you won't have to worry about any of the pesky dollar amount limitations - if you're a big business, just tack on a few bucks to
your products to cover your donations, like all the other guys have been doing for years - see, we all win!
Have a Happy and Prosperous New Year!
lizard lips - 12-31-2005 at 11:58 PM
I was'nt going to vote until now-----
Bob H - 1-1-2006 at 04:15 AM
Ray, that was great! I'm glad I couldn't sleep and got on the board early today. What inspired you to write this? I think I'll light up a nice
puro... and enjoy the new year!
Bob H
Osprey - 1-1-2006 at 07:50 AM
You paint a bright future for me. I can now get a head start on a clever, new business scheme. I'll make millions selling rubber rafts and
flashlights to poor people on the Mexican mainland who will surely want to come west to work in the casinos.
surfer jim - 1-1-2006 at 08:18 AM
Marines.....start your engines.......
Ray
Baja Bernie - 1-1-2006 at 08:22 AM
What a selfless and realistic goal for the coming year.
Please make sure that the Southwestern White House is secure and that none of it occupants, with the exception of El Presidente, are allowed to wander
off the grounds. They should never be allowed to pollute the wonderful people of Baja, that is those who arrived before 1970--births excepted.
Here is my peso which will be followed by an additional peso per month for your run at the office.
Great story!
Don't know what possessed me...
Mexray - 1-2-2006 at 12:05 AM
...I've been 'stranded' here in our Nor-Cal garret, trying to recuperate from one of those nasty cold-like things that's been breeding its way through
our local population.
I suppose it's the lack of alcohol in my system these past five days, as I haven't had a real yen for the vino, et al... now thats being SICK!
Osprey...great idea, can't you just vision Mexican panga's, low in the water, stuffed with 30-40 souls, leaving the mainland, being intercepted by US
Coast Guard!
Bob H. - yes, a Puro a day keeps the bugs away...
NOW, on with the campaign - got to come up with a real 'snappy' slogan - any suggestions?
Viva South California
Viva California Sur
A Taco in every Pot
Tequila, it's not just for school lunches anymore
Vote for me and I'll keep my administration out of DC
Southward, Ho
A Cerveza is a terrible thing to waste
Skeet/Loreto - 1-2-2006 at 07:12 AM
Sure Sounds a lot like
"Mexfornia"
Osprey - 1-2-2006 at 08:22 AM
Many years ago the Mexican congress allmost changed the name of Baja Norte and Sur. While they were voting I was in the bar at Los Arcos in La Paz.
The bartender said he didn't want them to change the name, said he was born in La Paz. I said "why not change it?" "What's the difference?" He said
"What's your name?" I said "George". He said "Why don't I just start calling you Howard?"