Osprey - 7-2-2006 at 07:33 PM
Baja Beach Marauders
I usually don?t go looking for trouble but things change and I need to adapt. This old ticker has been talkin? to me lately and it says I need a lot
more low-impact exercise. The only reason I?m listening is low-impact sounds pretty good, do-able. So I?ve been walking on the beach almost every
morning. When there?s not a lot of surf I walk in the water to give my legs a little resistance ? on the way back to the car I seek out the softest
sand for the same reason.
Here?s where the trouble comes in. The soft sand is where our local terns lay their eggs. Before you accuse me of being knowledgeable or observant
let me tell you how I know about the eggs. The terns show me where they are. As I walk, they form random squadrons and begin to buzz me. A dozen or
more appear out of nowhere and begin their strafing runs at my head. The closer I get to the eggs, the more screeching, diving, pecking activity ? if
I walk away from the protected area, the attacks abate. So we play the old ?warmer/colder? game until the ferocity of the attacks lead me right to
the eggs.
The eggs are not much to brag about; a little bigger than an olive, the color of sand with little brown spots on em?, they lay atop the loose sand
wherever the female has laid them. No nest, no hollow place out of the wind, no shady spot to protect them from the sun.
You might think the eggs were gold if you were on the business end of the attacks. One by one the little devil birds dive (at warp speed) toward the
back of my head and let out a horrific screech right at the end of their dive. It is also at this exact moment that they poop and pee at my head.
That last part doesn?t happen every dive. I think it might be almost impossible that the birds are capable of multiple voiding ? they probably take
turns. (not a pun)
I never go to the beach unprotected. I wear a baseball cap. Most days the hat I grab is the one that has withstood the most attacks. I wear it
with the bill above my forehead pulled down to protect my eyes from the sun. That style might be called Old School. Old School is a pop culture
phrase that is currently popular on television. I think they want us to think it engenders things clever and original, organic (as it were). My wife
will tell you that with me it signals a very strong tendency to resist change. On the front of this particular cap are two letters nicely embroidered
into the fabric. The letters spell out H J. The cap was given to me so I have no idea who or what is H J. I think H and J are probably two guys
with a very successful partnership that makes bizzillions of dollars every year. They had these nice hats made up to have me advertise for them but
forgot to fill in the blanks about what it is they make/do/sell.
I digress. After I have seen enough eggs, I leave the nesting area and head straight for the car (dreams of cold showers, iced tea, crisp salad
luncheons pushing me on) but the birds seem to continue the strafing even when they see I am clear of the nesting area. Now I consider that
excessive, harassment.
I?m not one to paint with a broad brush. There are probably smarter, more courteous terns somewhere. I think they call these little white and brown
birds Caspian Terns but my amateur ornithological name for them is Southern Least Silent Terns. They are terrible parents, they will pee and poop
anywhere, they will molest dedicated conservationists.
To be fair, they know the ?warmer/colder? game and few other birds do.
hahaha
Sharksbaja - 7-2-2006 at 10:28 PM
As the Osprey knows, birds are not blessed with sphincter muscles
To infer they
can dispense bombs with timing and accuracy is way too much to contemplate. 
Pretty funny George!
Capt. George - 7-3-2006 at 03:32 AM
ahh, if ya aeks me, dats a lotta crap.
bajajudy - 7-3-2006 at 05:55 AM
Another terrific story, Osprey
Muchisimas Gracias
longlegsinlapaz - 7-3-2006 at 08:20 AM
Great tale & well written!! Ya think the warmth of the sand frees Mom up for Civil Air Patrol duty? It sounds like they must lay eggs in a
"communal nursery" & then all stand guard over the area. Think of them as your personal escorts through the land mine zone! Tread carefully
& wear a big hat! 
bajaden - 7-3-2006 at 09:25 AM
That story is for the birds. 