BajaNomad - Coronavirus humor

Coronavirus humor

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Skipjack Joe - 3-30-2020 at 07:50 AM

Please add yours.

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motoged - 3-30-2020 at 11:26 AM

Too soon?

Most humour seems to be based on another person's misfortune (banana peel) or predicament...

And a lot of what used to be funny gets snared in the notion of "politically incorrect" these days....so some humour is banished to the dungeons of "you can't laugh at that anymore" (not necessarily a bad perspective when folks claim to "being mindful").

Dark humour has its place....

P.S. I didn't get the Van Gogh reference....or did his mask slip cuz he cut off an ear?

BajaTed - 3-30-2020 at 12:04 PM

Had Coronavirus, now have lyme's disease :biggrin:

coronamike - 3-30-2020 at 04:13 PM

4x4abc - 3-30-2020 at 04:19 PM

Vincent would have solved that problem

Marc - 3-30-2020 at 04:33 PM

Paco Facullo - 3-30-2020 at 06:46 PM

Good one !!!

Heck, I've been that way looong before this quarantine !!

And that's the truth..... I wanted to be a chef when young but became a Plumber and caught um at the "other end "

So cooking is now a hobby that I SO enjoy !

And as for the drinking well X-Navy , in construction my whole life , and all the tasty Margaritas y Pacifico's up and down Baja , helped a lot !!!

[Edited on 3-31-2020 by Paco Facullo]

Skipjack Joe - 3-30-2020 at 08:26 PM

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BajaBlanca - 3-30-2020 at 09:25 PM

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Learning Something New (and Trivial ?) Each Day

MrBillM - 3-30-2020 at 10:12 PM

Learning today, as a result of our continuing COVID-19 grocery safaris and Web research ................. that there are (15) different flavors of SPAM !

Although many are only offered in limited world markets, winning the least popular award locally appears to be Hickory Smoke followed by Turkey. Both still available in quantity when other unappealing flavors and the Classic in the small (7 oz.) overpriced cans have sold out.

[Edited on 3-31-2020 by MrBillM]

coronamike - 3-31-2020 at 06:38 AM

There's actually a Spam Museum
in Minnesota.

Marc - 3-31-2020 at 07:05 AM

coronamike - 3-31-2020 at 07:45 AM

WARNING!

AKgringo - 3-31-2020 at 07:54 AM

"coronamike" has posted several replies on this thread! Sanitize your keyboard and wash your hands before proceeding to the next post!

bent-rim - 3-31-2020 at 08:38 AM

"Boomer Remover"

coronamike - 3-31-2020 at 08:50 AM

Ouch

ncampion - 3-31-2020 at 04:01 PM

Results of the Corona Virus recession:

My neighbor got a pre-declined credit card in the mail.

Exxon-Mobil laid off 25 Congressmen.

If the bank returns your check marked "Insufficient Funds," you call them and ask if they meant you or them.

McDonald's is selling the 1/4 ouncer.

Angelina Jolie adopted a child from America.

Parents in Beverly Hills fired their nannies and learned their children's names.

My cousin had an exorcism but couldn't afford to pay for it, and they re-possessed her!

A truckload of Americans was caught sneaking into Mexico.

A picture is now only worth 200 words.

When Bill and Hillary travel together, they now have to share a room.

The Treasure Island casino in Las Vegas is now managed by Somali pirates.

beegees stayin' inside

bajagregg - 3-31-2020 at 04:14 PM

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nmUXntGlqFI

Asking for a Friend

SunDevil - 3-31-2020 at 07:50 PM

Is it OK to take a shower now, or do we have to just keep washing our hands?

bajabuddha - 3-31-2020 at 11:46 PM

Quote: Originally posted by SunDevil

Is it OK to take a shower now, or do we have to just keep washing our hands?

...... as long as you shave your palms...... :rolleyes:

Having Fun with Fear ?

MrBillM - 4-1-2020 at 08:06 PM

Responding to the evolving advisories and social pressure demanding general usage of a mask, I've been looking locally (so far unsuccessfully) for an appropriate one.

The "Lone Ranger" type.

Mi Esposa has expressed doubts that others among the public would see the humor, but Quien Sabe ?.

I thought about Amazon, but given shipping priorities at present, I might be dead before the mask arrived.

Tomorrow (at Walmart), the search goes on.

At last resort, I do have a Ski-Mask, but ...............

coronamike - 4-2-2020 at 08:15 AM

pauldavidmena - 4-2-2020 at 09:38 AM

Saw this in Baja Western Onion and had to share.

coronamike - 4-2-2020 at 09:48 AM

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Sage Advice from Earlier Trials

MrBillM - 4-2-2020 at 10:23 AM

For those healthy (and limber enough ?):

Bend down - Place your head between your legs - Kiss your Ass Goodbye !

Seriously, as I noted to mi esposa this a.m. when she broke down in tears and cried that she was "terrified", we can only do our best to avoid others and sanitizing as we can while going about our daily travels for necessities and our fewer journeys up to our travel trailer where we don't come into contact with anyone. We have no control beyond that.

Speaking as a vulnerable person who has NEVER had a mild cold or flu in my entire life, including childhood when I was hospitalized (at least 3 times) as a result, I have gone through life highly paranoid over ANY near contact with contagion and acted accordingly.

Dramatically cautious as I have been, I have still "somehow" been infected infrequently and each time it has been a (seeming) near-death experience. As a member of the most vulnerable age-group with some age-related vulnerabilities and given the virulence of the COVID-19 so easily transferred among those asymptomatic, my chances of avoiding, much less surviving, are pretty slim. Which will probably kill my wife, too, given her vulnerabilities.

With all that possible (probable) doom, we can best look to the lighter side and make a noir joke of it.

Words to LIVE by: "Since I gave up HOPE, I feel SO much BETTER !"

"When Life gives you Lemons ................... Pucker Up !"

del mar - 4-2-2020 at 10:44 AM

COVID-19 QUARINTINE DAY 14:

I jumped on the scale today to weigh myself and it said, “Please use Social Distancing, one person at a time.”

bajabuddha - 4-2-2020 at 02:21 PM

This isn't ''funny ha-ha" but funny strange ....just in from a friend:

you are not going to believe this chit!! i had read this was happening in town but i guess i didn't believe it...but i just layed into a us congress hopeful "spreading his word" door to door!! as i was laying into his stupidity he had the nerve to put his flyer under my rock on my wall by where he was standing a lil ways back from my door! i stopped long enough to take a breath and he apologized for bothering me and started to walk away...i ended with saying "if this is the level of stupidity that you are representing for us the people of nm i am moving".

Yep, you can't fix stupid. :no:

Expect the Next Buying Panic to be ...............

MrBillM - 4-2-2020 at 07:35 PM

Vacuum Bags ?

As the TV Daily Doomsday advice regarding masks evolves, vacuum bags are being touted as one of the most effective mediums.

BEFORE being used in the vacuum, of course.

However, Mother Jones points out:

" The vacuum cleaner bag is the best filter by a large margin, “but the bag’s stiffness and thickness created a high pressure drop across the material, rendering it unsuitable for a face mask.” Ditto for the tea towel. In the end, the pillowcase and the 100 percent cotton t-shirt “were found to be the most suitable household materials for an improvised face mask.” However, the authors are killjoys about the whole thing anyway:

An improvised face mask should be viewed as the last possible alternative if a supply of commercial face masks is not available, irrespective of the disease against which it may be required for protection. Improvised homemade face masks may be used to help protect those who could potentially, for example, be at occupational risk from close or frequent contact with symptomatic patients. However, these masks would provide the wearers little protection from microorganisms from others persons who are infected with respiratory diseases. As a result, we would not recommend the use of homemade face masks as a method of reducing transmission of infection from aerosols".

File this under “last resort measures in case of the apocalypse.”

To see their accompanying graph:

https://www.motherjones.com/kevin-drum/2020/03/how-to-make-a...

coronamike - 4-3-2020 at 11:04 AM

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Lee - 4-3-2020 at 02:29 PM

Skipjack Joe - 4-3-2020 at 07:34 PM

BajaBlanca - 4-4-2020 at 04:51 AM

These jokes are GREAT! I think now, more than ever, it is important to laugh. Keep them coming everyone! and keep Healthy.

BajaMama - 4-4-2020 at 07:35 AM

Us: WE CAN'T SHUT DOWN THE WORLD TO STOP GLOBAL WARMING. LET THE WORLD END AS LONG AS I AM OKAY DURING MY LIFETIME.

Mother Nature: Hold my beer.

Alternative punchline:

Mother Nature: Here's a virus. Practice.

Skipjack Joe - 4-4-2020 at 05:06 PM

This is good. I don't know how to download it.

https://www.facebook.com/david.newman.3517/videos/10156836757221078/UzpfSTUyOTU1MTE2MzoxMDE1OTkyNzIxNjE2NjE2NA/

Skipjack Joe - 4-4-2020 at 05:23 PM

Another good one:

https://www.facebook.com/djquality23/videos/10156804329736533/UzpfSTEwMDAwMTA1OTMxNjI5NDozMDQyMjk0MjE5MTQ5MTky/

Bajazly - 4-4-2020 at 08:22 PM

Quote: Originally posted by Skipjack Joe

This is good. I don't know how to download it.

https://www.facebook.com/david.newman.3517/videos/10156836757221078/UzpfSTUyOTU1MTE2MzoxMDE1OTkyNzIxNjE2NjE2NA/

Day 10 was classic.

Lee - 4-4-2020 at 09:04 PM

Skipjack Joe - 4-4-2020 at 09:19 PM

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BajaBlanca - 4-5-2020 at 05:10 AM

Yes! Every day is just a day.

coronamike - 4-5-2020 at 10:32 AM

Hey Lee. That was a good one.
Keep 'em coming.

Mask Hysteria

MrBillM - 4-5-2020 at 12:20 PM

" Your Neighbor's BREATH may cause your DEATH ! "

A mask on your face will save the human race ?

Stay inside often and avoid the coffin ?

" Avoid the mother. Duck and cover " ?

OK, that last one was advice for the '50s Big Blast, but (applying Trumpian logic) anything that was good enough for avoiding nuclear destruction ought to work for a microscopic virus.

Lee - 4-5-2020 at 08:42 PM

Marc - 4-6-2020 at 10:29 AM

Boris is up on the roof and can't get down ?

MrBillM - 4-6-2020 at 12:26 PM

Awaiting the next update, the developing saga in the UK reminds one of the (older than me) "Dead Cat" Joke.

Skipjack Joe - 4-7-2020 at 07:12 AM

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bajabuddha - 4-8-2020 at 12:12 PM

With so many sporting events being cancelled, they're having to televise the world origami championship.

it's on paperview.

Skipjack Joe - 4-10-2020 at 02:03 AM

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Bumper-Sticker Humor

MrBillM - 4-12-2020 at 06:21 PM

Drove down to the convenience store for the Sunday newspapers a short while back and (according to the wife) they were selling Bumper Stickers at the counter which read:

" My Parents went on Vacation and All They Brought Home was Corona Virus "

4x4abc - 4-12-2020 at 09:01 PM

Happy Easter!

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4x4abc - 4-12-2020 at 09:05 PM

last week

Corona virus health tip!

AKgringo - 4-14-2020 at 11:43 AM

Wear a Dallas Cowboy jersey,
You won't catch anything!

Sent to me by my brother, I couldn't post the dropped pass pic.

[Edited on 4-14-2020 by AKgringo]

thebajarunner - 4-14-2020 at 01:30 PM

Tomorrow is the National Home-school Tornado Drill Day. Lock your kids in the basement until you give the all clear. You’re welcome!

I was so bored I called Jake from State Farm just to talk to someone. He asked me what I was wearing.

You think it’s bad now? In 20 years our country will be run by people home-schooled by day drinkers…

This virus has done what no woman had been able to do…cancel all sports, shut down all bars, and keep men at home!!!

Do not call the police on suspicious people in your neighborhood! Those are your neighbors without makeup and hair extensions!

Since we can’t eat out, now’s the perfect time to eat better, get fit, and stay healthy. We’re quarantined! Who are we trying to impress? We have snacks,we have sweatpants – I say we use them!

Day 20 at home and the dog is looking at me like, “See? This iswhy I chew the furniture!”

I never thought the comment “I wouldn’t touch him/her with a 6 foot pole” would become a national policy, but here we are!

Me: Alexa what’s the weather this weekend?

Alexa: It doesn’t matter – you’re not going anywhere.

I swear my fridge just said “what do you want now?”

When this is over…what meeting do I attend first…Weight Watchers or AA?

del mar - 4-15-2020 at 12:50 PM

Grocery Store Adventures

MrBillM - 4-15-2020 at 06:43 PM

This Corona Virus has given new meaning to an old saw ...........

"Shop 'til You Drop !"

Lee - 4-16-2020 at 12:34 PM

Catchy COVID Motto ?

MrBillM - 4-17-2020 at 07:51 PM

From MI GOV Whitmer:

" Better six feet apart than six feet under ! "

wilderone - 4-18-2020 at 08:23 AM

Quarantine, Day 16:
Neighbor says her home-schooling for two sons is going as expected: 2 students suspended for fighting, and 1 teacher fired for drinking on the job.

Quarantine, Day 17:
This morning I saw my neighbor talking to his dog. It was obvious that he thought the dog understood him. I came into my house, told my cat, Roxy, all about it..... we laughed a lot.

What ME Worry ?

MrBillM - 4-18-2020 at 08:55 AM

"The only thing that we have to fear is a lack of Beer !"

As a member of the most-vulnerable age group and whose encounters with the Cold and Flu viruses since early childhood have (Always) been severe and (at times) near-terminal, my attitude is ................ F-ck IT ! The odds are against me and best case, I don't have that many good days left, anyway.

I am living as close to a normal day (coming and going) as circumstances allow and I intend to continue to do do until forced to do otherwise. Adjusting as necessary.

Granted, unlike many, MY normal activities don't involve social-interaction. Being mandated to stay from people (except for "essential services") is something of a gift.

Driving up ayer to feed the critters and take my trailer out of storage for another back-and-forth 30-day camping cycle, I'm about to head out the door and back up the mountain to setup and commune with nature while staying as far away from every person that I can.

Follow MY example, enjoy the outdoors (armed and) isolated. Virus spread" will be minimal. Happy days will be here again. Maybe, in a decade or so.

John Harper - 4-19-2020 at 02:55 AM

John

elgatoloco - 4-19-2020 at 02:17 PM

https://youtu.be/P-qKl4LIabA

Skipjack Joe - 4-19-2020 at 05:44 PM

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Darwin says he's got this one

BobbyC - 4-20-2020 at 02:29 PM

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bajabuddha - 4-20-2020 at 02:34 PM

Yeppers, Clorox in the ol' gene pool. :biggrin:

Lee - 4-21-2020 at 09:41 PM

Skipjack Joe - 4-22-2020 at 09:35 AM

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Skipjack Joe - 4-22-2020 at 09:46 AM

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AKgringo - 4-22-2020 at 09:52 AM

Corona Lisa needs to put a mask on!!!

Skipjack Joe - 4-22-2020 at 04:11 PM

Quote: Originally posted by AKgringo

Corona Lisa needs to put a mask on!!!

But then how will you see her half smile? Maybe a half mask.

del mar - 4-22-2020 at 04:15 PM

Skipjack Joe - 4-22-2020 at 05:54 PM

Quote: Originally posted by del mar

Skipjack Joe - 4-22-2020 at 05:58 PM

Alabama face mask

BajaNomad - 4-22-2020 at 06:36 PM

For the last one... there's no place like home.

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What do you do with a skateboard park full of sand?

AKgringo - 4-23-2020 at 10:41 AM

This is actually a news item, but I find humor in it!; https://www.msn.com/en-us/news/us/a-california-city-filled-i...

motoged - 4-23-2020 at 11:17 AM

Resourceful "knuckledraggers" :light:

Skipjack Joe - 4-28-2020 at 06:18 AM

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Trust ............... But Verify

MrBillM - 4-28-2020 at 10:47 AM

While not "strictly" Virus humor ................ there was a humorous event today that was a result of the CV-19 "bug":

Taking one of my vehicles down to the shop for a renewal smog cert, they were having the customers pull into the drive-thru service bays rather than get into the vehicles themselves whenever possible.

SO ............. As I'm sitting outside waiting for my car, the vehicle in the next slot (oil change) noses slowly forward out of the bay heading down slope. Two employees come running. Joined by a third, they halted the vehicle before it came to the steeper grade of the lot and (unable to start the engine minus oil) slowly pushed it back.

No harm done.

People do the dumbest things. Never assume that the customer has put the vehicle in "park" or set the brake.

BornFisher - 4-28-2020 at 01:36 PM

Here`s a few for the cats------

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Skipjack Joe - 4-28-2020 at 05:23 PM

BajaBlanca - 4-29-2020 at 03:27 AM

Did you hear the latest one about the news reporter reporting from home who had a jacket on and no pants NOT realizing that people could see his legs?

https://www.msn.com/en-us/news/us/will-reeve-went-on-air-wea...

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greengoes - 4-29-2020 at 05:45 AM

[Edited on 5-2-2020 by BajaNomad]

wessongroup - 5-2-2020 at 12:26 PM

Any "links" :biggrin:

BajaParrothead - 5-2-2020 at 02:01 PM

Quote: Originally posted by BajaBlanca

Did you hear the latest one about the news reporter reporting from home who had a jacket on and no pants NOT realizing that people could see his legs?

https://www.msn.com/en-us/news/us/will-reeve-went-on-air-wea...

Here's another working from home reporter getting caught! :lol:

www.comicsands.com/reporter-naked-woman-walks-through-264587...

Paco Facullo - 5-2-2020 at 07:28 PM

In the year 2020, the Lord came unto Noah, who was now living in America and said:

"Once again, the earth has become wicked and over-populated, and I see the end of all flesh before me."
"Build another Ark and save 2 of every living thing along with a few good humans."

He gave Noah the blueprints, saying:
"You have 6 months to build the Ark before I will start the unending rain for 40 days and 40 nights."

Six months later, the Lord looked down and saw Noah weeping in his yard - but no Ark."Noah!," He roared, "I'm about to start the rain! Where is the Ark?"

"Forgive me, Lord," begged Noah, "but things have changed."
"I needed a Building Permit."
"I've been arguing with the Boat Inspector about the need for a sprinkler system."

"My homeowners association claim that I've violated the
Neighborhood by-laws by building the Ark in my back yard and exceeding the height limitations. We had to go to the local Planning Committee for a decision."

"Then the City Council and the Electricity Company demanded a shed load of money for the future costs of moving power lines and other overhead obstructions, to clear the passage for the Ark's move to the sea. I told them that the sea would be coming to us, but they would hear none of it."

"Getting the wood was another problem. There's a ban on cutting local trees in order to save the Greater Spotted Barn Owl."
"I tried to convince the environmentalists that I needed the wood to save the owls - but no go!"

"When I started gathering the animals, PETA took me to court. They insisted that I was confining wild animals against their will. They argued the accommodations were too restrictive and it was cruel and inhumane to put so many animals in a confined space."

"Then the Environmental Protection Agency ruled that I couldn't build the Ark until they'd conducted an environmental impact study on Your proposed flood."

"I'm still trying to resolve a complaint with the Human Rights Commission on how many minorities I'm supposed to hire for my building crew."

"The Immigration Dept. Is checking the visa status of most of the people who want to work."
"The labor unions say I can't use my sons. They insist I have to hire only union workers with ark-building experience."

"To make matters worse, the IRS seized all my assets, claiming I'm trying to leave the country illegally with endangered species."
"So, forgive me, Lord, but it would take at least 10 years for me to finish this ark."

"Suddenly the skies cleared, the sun began to shine and a rainbow stretched across the sky."

Noah looked up in wonder and asked, "You mean you're not going to destroy the world?"

"No," said the Lord. " The Government beat me to it."
End........

And David k's Palm trees are still well above the shore line ......

[Edited on 5-3-2020 by Paco Facullo]

Getting Back to Normal

MrBillM - 5-10-2020 at 05:58 PM

Carpe Diem, Dudes ?

Seize the day in L.A. and make it pay.

There was some L.A. footage earlier showing the crowds no longer doing much distancing and being begged for bucks by the unclean as a result.

Their gathering being a perfect opportunity for targeting by (unmasked) homeless panhandlers.

American entrepreneurship at its finest.

Funny.

Skipjack Joe - 5-14-2020 at 04:56 AM

Corovirus greetings

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ncampion - 5-17-2020 at 03:04 PM

George Carlin was way ahead of his time:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=X29lF43mUlo

Are You Kidding ?

MrBillM - 5-17-2020 at 06:34 PM

"Apparently" related to the crisis ?

Stopping at the Flyers station on the way out of town this a.m. for Sunday newspapers, the wife returns to the truck and comments that they have a new sign at the counter to the effect "Ladies - With the coming warm weather, we will no longer accept cash from your Bra".

Living in the desert for fifty years and never having seen a sign like that before, I assumed that it must be some sort of joke, but she tells me that such cash carry is common and (I suppose) that the bills could get a bit nasty in sweaty weather.

Paco Facullo - 5-17-2020 at 07:28 PM

Quote: Originally posted by ncampion

George Carlin was way ahead of his time:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=X29lF43mUlo

I agree !
One of the greatest ever. If you haven't yet, you must read "last words" A great read.....

Paco Facullo - 5-17-2020 at 07:30 PM

Quote: Originally posted by MrBillM

"Apparently" related to the crisis ?

Stopping at the Flyers station on the way out of town this a.m. for Sunday newspapers, the wife returns to the truck and comments that they have a new sign at the counter to the effect "Ladies - With the coming warm weather, we will no longer accept cash from your Bra".

Living in the desert for fifty years and never having seen a sign like that before, I assumed that it must be some sort of joke, but she tells me that such cash carry is common and (I suppose) that the bills could get a bit nasty in sweaty weather.

There's also "shoe money" for the Gents.....

It's a Hood thang ......

Going Off Half-C.ocked ?

MrBillM - 5-18-2020 at 03:46 PM

Funny story in the L.A. Times this a.m.

Police responding to a loud (illegal) party call in West Hollywood called for backup after hearing a gunshot inside the residence.

Upon entering, they found a man with a gunshot wound to the groin which was "apparently accidentally self-inflicted".

Reminds me of a TV doc on street gangs we were watching many years ago.

One of the street hoods being interviewed pulls his gun out from under his shirt, waves it about while jabbering and stuffs it back under his belt.

BAM ! The guy staggers and falls into the gutter.

A GREAT TV moment.

msteve1014 - 5-18-2020 at 04:01 PM

Nothing funnier that a dumb *ss with a gun. I watched a guy drink 6 beers then put the cans on the hood of his truck for target practice. got the first 3, then put one through the fender and into the carb. 40 miles back in the hills. It's all fun and games until someone get hurt, then it's hilarious.

SFandH - 5-18-2020 at 05:07 PM

The spread of the COVID-19 virus is based on two factors:

1. How dense the population is.

2. How dense the population is.

EdZeranski - 5-18-2020 at 08:56 PM

Quote: Originally posted by MrBillM

Funny story in the L.A. Times this a.m.

A GREAT ( LA )TV moment.

Like watching the Korean shop owners during the Rodney King celebrations :lol:

Skipjack Joe - 5-22-2020 at 08:31 AM

Corny, but what the heck.

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Lee - 5-24-2020 at 10:07 AM

No Problem for Working Girls

MrBillM - 5-24-2020 at 12:37 PM

Most won't kiss.

Paco Facullo - 5-24-2020 at 04:01 PM

Quote: Originally posted by MrBillM

Most won't kiss.

And how do you know of such things ????

.

[Edited on 5-24-2020 by Paco Facullo]

Empirical Knowledge

MrBillM - 5-24-2020 at 04:38 PM

A result of dedicated international research over many years.

Years ago, of course, but I've heard that the conclusions still hold true.

Lee - 5-24-2020 at 08:40 PM

Skipjack Joe - 5-28-2020 at 03:15 PM

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