Bob H
Elite Nomad
Posts: 5867
Registered: 8-19-2003
Location: San Diego
Member Is Offline
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Clam Diver
Juan Vega, the clam diver, found an injured sea otter and nursed it back to health. From the moment the grateful otter was able to walk, it never
left Juan's side. It even learned to dig for clams. One day, a man went to Juan's house looking to hire him for a week. His wife answered the door.
"Sure," his wife said "It will cost you 500 pesos."
"That much?" the man said.
"But your getting my husband and his otter. They bring up more clams than anyone else in town."
"I just want Juan. I'll hire him alone for 350 pesos".
"Sorry,", she shrugged. "You can't have Juan without the otter." 
The SAME boiling water that softens the potato hardens the egg. It's about what you are made of NOT the circumstance.
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sylens
Senior Nomad
Posts: 584
Registered: 4-6-2005
Location: Ensenada
Member Is Offline
Mood: ando bajando
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aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaarrrrrrrrrrrrrrrgggggggghhhhhhhhhhhhhh
got me. after mike's story, i was ready for a lovely baja tale. you are an eeevil punster, sir 
lili
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bajaandy
Senior Nomad
Posts: 769
Registered: 2-7-2004
Location: North County
Member Is Offline
Mood: Adventurous
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That reminds me of a story about the price of gas
It seems there was a man in Paris who
almost got away with stealing several
paintings from the Louvre? After planning
the crime, getting in and out past security,
he was captured only two blocks away
when his escape vehicle ran out of gas.
When asked how he could mastermind
such a crime and then make such an
obvious error, he replied: "Monsieur, I had
no Monet to buy Degas to make the Van Gogh."
(And you thought I lacked De Gaulle to send you a story like this... I Escher you I do not.)
subvert the dominant paradigm
"If you travel with a man, you must either fall out with him or make him your good friend."
JBL Noel
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sylens
Senior Nomad
Posts: 584
Registered: 4-6-2005
Location: Ensenada
Member Is Offline
Mood: ando bajando
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don't get me started
Back in the 1800's the Tates Watch Company of
Massachusetts wanted to produce other products and,
since they already made the cases for pocket watches,
decided to market compasses for the pioneers traveling
west. It turned out that although their watches were
of finest quality, their compasses were so bad that
people often ended up in Canada or Mexico rather than
California. This, of course, is the origin of the
expression, "He who has a Tates is lost!"
lili
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Oso
Ultra Nomad
Posts: 2637
Registered: 8-29-2003
Location: on da border
Member Is Offline
Mood: wait and see
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Many people know that the U.S. Navy has been doing research on and training dolphins for several years. But, few have heard of a lesser known study
by Mexican scientists in Baja California (work with me) that promised great advances in geriatrics, but had to be canceled due to an unfortunate
run-in with the law. In the search for captive dolphins, scientists had discovered a landlocked population of the mammals which had become trapped in
a seaside lagoon when a landslide had sealed the inlet to the ocean. Over a period of years, they had completely exhausted the supply of fish in the
lagoon. Without their natural food supply, they had adapted to a diet of seagulls. In studying the dolphins, the scientists made a startling
discovery. Their metabolisms had reacted to certain proteins in the seagulls to produce an unusually high level of antioxidants which had actually
halted cellular deterioration. In other words the aging process in the dolphins had stopped. In order to study the process under laboratory
conditions, several dolphins were confined to tanks and one of the scientists was given the task of obtaining seagulls for their food supply. This
did not seem too difficult as, although seagulls are not listed as game birds, neither are they an endangered species. So, armed with a shotgun and a
gunny sack, the scientist harvested a sack of seagulls at a nearby beach. Before his return to the laboratory, however, there was an unrelated
incident at the State Zoo. A lion escaped and by pure coincidence made his way to the front door of the dolphin lab. Smelling food, but unable to
enter the lab, the lion stretched out across the entrance and went to sleep. Returning to the lab, the scientist was startled to see the lion and
uncertain what to do. But, he knew he had to feed the dolphins and since the lion was sound asleep, he decided to chance it and jumped over the lion,
ran into the lab with the sack of seagulls and locked the door behind him. All seemed well as he proceeded to feed the dolphins and called police to
inform them of the escaped lion. Unfortunately for the scientist, when the police and zookeepers arrived to capture the lion, they also placed the
scientist under arrest. The charge was (rim shot, please): Transporting gulls across a state lion for immortal porpoises.
All my childhood I wanted to be older. Now I\'m older and this chitn sucks.
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sylens
Senior Nomad
Posts: 584
Registered: 4-6-2005
Location: Ensenada
Member Is Offline
Mood: ando bajando
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ouch really bad--here's three more
> Two boll weevils grew up in South Carolina. One went to Hollywood and became a famous actor. The other stayed behind in the cotton fields
and never amounted to much. The second one, naturally, became known as the lesser of two weevils.
>
> Two atoms are walking down the street and they run into each
other.
> One says to the other, "Are you all right?" "No, I lost an
electron!"
> "Are you sure?" "Yeah, I'm positive."
>
> This guy goes into a restaurant for a Christmas breakfast
> in his home town for the holidays. After looking over the menu he says, "I'll just have the eggs Benedict." His order comes in a while and
it's served on a big, shiny hubcap. He asks the waiter, "What's with the hubcap?" The waiter says, "Well, there's no plate like chrome for the
hollandaise."
sorry. have a lovely weekend. don't forget to laugh!!!!!
lili
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wornout
Senior Nomad
Posts: 595
Registered: 10-24-2004
Location: San Felipe, Baja California
Member Is Offline
Mood: No Bad Days
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While we are at it: This frog goes to BBV to get a loan. He goes up to the loan officer by the name of Senior Pattywack and ask for a loan. Senior
Pattywack explains to the frog that he needs to secure the loan, he needs collateral. The frog asks what collateral is. The loan officer says you
have to bring something to the bank, that is of value, for us to keep until you repay the loan. So the frog goes home and gets some stuff from his
house and returns to the bank with his treasures of odds and ends. The loan officer isn't sure it will do and asks the banks president if they should
approve the loan. The banks president thinks about it then says, 'take the nick naks Pattywack and give the frog a loan.
This Space Available, E-Mail Me If Interested.
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Bruce R Leech
Elite Nomad
Posts: 6796
Registered: 9-20-2004
Location: Ensenada formerly Mulege
Member Is Offline
Mood: A lot cooler than Mulege
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you people are really cracking me up.
Bruce R Leech
Ensenada
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Packoderm
Super Nomad
Posts: 2116
Registered: 11-7-2002
Member Is Offline
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Billy's mother was apprehensive about taking and dropping off little Billy to that night's boy scout meeting; Billy is getting over a cold and the
family car has not been running so hot lately. But Billy was adamant that he attend the meeting that evening because he was due to receive a merit
badge for achievements in using a compass and trail navigation. His mother relented, opened the door of the family station wagon, and handed him a
small box of Lueden's cough drops to ease some of the symptoms of his cold. The meeting went well and ended with the handing out of the merit badges
with Billy proudly receiving his badge, and he left the scoutmaster's house, walked out into the chilly late October evening, and walked to the corner
where he was to meet his mother. But apparently, the family station wagon broke down en route to return to pick up Billy. The scoutmaster and his
family has already left for ice cream to celebrate their son's earning of his merit badge for wood whittling - Bobby was going to have to make his own
way home by foot, but he had never walked home from that part of town before.
Billy had a pretty good idea of the direction home, so he walked down several streets that he was reasonably sure would lead him home. Billy's
progress was thwarted, however, when he came upon a long metal fence which bordered the town's very large cemetery. Billy knew that it would take a
prohibitively long time to circumvent the graveyard, so he hopped the fence and started to make his way across the graveyard in hopes of hopping the
other fence and continue his journey home. In the cemetery, the trees loomed large and dark, and the tombstones stood ominously erect scattered about
the darkness. As Billy was walking, he thought he heard some sounds in the distant darkness. As he walked, he strained to see what could be causing
the sound, but he could not see far in the darkness, and he had to keep a watch out lest he stumbled and ran into one of the many tombstones scattered
about. Billy was getting truly frightened, and his throat was getting sore from the damp air, so he would occasionally reach into his pocket for a
cough drop to soothe the harshness in his throat. Again, Bill heard the same sound he had been hearing, but this time it was louder. As Billy strained
to see what could be causing the sound, he could make out a relatively rectangular shape rocking back and forth as it was moving his way. Billy was
frantic as he started running to get away from this strange, rectangular shape in the shadows. However, as fast as Billy tried to run, his movement
remained frustratingly slow, and his path became obstructed by a large family plot. He could go no further, so he tried to hide behind one of the
tombstones in the family plot. Billy cowered against one of the tombstones and turned toward what was approaching him because he just had to see what
was going to be the cause of his fate. Billy could make out the object as a large casket up on end. It was rocking on its back bottom corners in a
slow walking movement. Billy could do nothing, he was not allowed to carry his scout knife, and there were no stones or rocks nearby that he could try
to throw at the haunted casket that was walking his way. In desperation, he reached for the only thing he had. He reached into his pocket for the
cough drops and proceeded to throw them at the casket. Strangely, upon chucking several cough drops at the casket it stopped and stood motionless in
its place. Billy scrambled to his feet, ran away from this casket, through the grave to jump the opposite fence to continue to the safety of his home.
Bill made home safe that night. Only later would he realize what could have caused the casket to be stopped in its tracks by the thrown cough drops,
for these particular cough drops were Lueden's cough drops; "Luden's cough drops - they stop the coughin'."
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Taco de Baja
Super Nomad
Posts: 1913
Registered: 4-14-2004
Location: Behind the Orange Curtain, CA
Member Is Offline
Mood: Dreamin' of Baja
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Here's a short one.
What do you call 4 Mexicans in a leaking panga?
.
Cuatro sinko.
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Tim
Junior Nomad
Posts: 61
Registered: 9-1-2003
Location: LA area
Member Is Offline
Mood: Tranquilo
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another
A man owned a thriving flower shop for many years in a small town. One day the shop next them sold to a group of friars from the local monastery.
The man was concerned that the small town could not support two flower shops. He decided to try to run the padres out of town. He pleaded with them,
argued with them, even threatened to sue them, but to no avail.
Finally the man hired a notorious strong-arm man known as Hugh the Horrible, and instructed him to lean on the monks. Within a day the friars had
packed up and left town.
The moral of the story?
Only Hugh can prevent florist friars.
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Tim
Junior Nomad
Posts: 61
Registered: 9-1-2003
Location: LA area
Member Is Offline
Mood: Tranquilo
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one more
There was a Rabbi who was shipwrecked on an island. He knew that there was no way he could get off so he decided to make the best of it.
One day in his exploration of the island he came across an interesting tribe of people. They devised some kind of communication and he found out they
called themselves Trids. He asked if he could join the tribe. The Trids said yes. So the Rabbi did everything that the Trids did.
One day about a month after the Rabbi joined the Trids, there was a loud trumpet sounding. The Trids all lined up and started walking up the hill.
The Rabbi joined them thinking it was some religious ceremony. The Trids stopped on top of a cliff by the sea. They were in a straight line. The Rabbi
followed. Then a giant came out of the woods and began to kick each Trid off the cliff. The giant passed the Rabbi and continued to kicked the Trids
off the cliff. When the Giant was finished, the Rabbi went to the Giant and asked why he didn't get kicked off.
The Giant replied, "Silly Rabbi, kicks are for Trids!"
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woody with a view
PITA Nomad
Posts: 15937
Registered: 11-8-2004
Location: Looking at the Coronado Islands
Member Is Offline
Mood: Everchangin'
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an Ecuadorian, a Bolivian, and a Salvadoran are riding in Chevy Suburban.
Who's driving?
La Migra!
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fdt
Ultra Nomad
Posts: 4059
Registered: 9-7-2003
Location: Tijuana, Baja California
Member Is Offline
Mood: Yeah, what if it all goes right
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Mrs. ferna sais, no wonder I like this board
after I've ben telling her what I read here, theire all goofy like you.
This prominent lawyer has a thing going with his secretary. One day the secretary tells the lawyer she's pregnant. The lawyer, not wanting his wife to
know says, "Ok, I'm sending you to Italy, and I'll pay for all your needs. The secretary asks him, and how should I let you know what happens? The
lawyer says, just send a post card saying spaguetti, and I'll know.
Several months go past and one day the lawyers wife calls him and says that while checking the mail, a very strange post card arrived and she could'nt
understand what it meant. The lawyer said to his wife, don't worry when I get home tonight we will figure it out.
The lawyer gets home, his wife showes him the post card and he has a heart attack, he gets taken away in an ambulance and once at the hospital, the
doctors tell the wife that he suffered a massive heart attack and if she knew what caused it. She said that the only thing that happened is that when
he got home she showed him a post card with an odd message. Post card read, Spaguetti, spaguetti, spaguetti, spaguetti, spaguetti, three with sausage
and meatballs and two with clams
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Subastador
Junior Nomad
Posts: 53
Registered: 10-11-2003
Location: Live Oak, CA
Member Is Offline
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Must have been a slow weekend for a bunch of folks, or could we say, "The Spooks Spoofs" ? Has to be Halloween
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vgabndo
Ultra Nomad
Posts: 3461
Registered: 12-8-2003
Location: Mt. Shasta, CA
Member Is Offline
Mood: Checking-off my bucket list.
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There's a million of 'em
As winter approached, two beat up old vultures doubted they could make the trip all the way to Baja, so they decided to go by AeroCalifornia.
When they checked their baggage, the attendant noticed that they were carrying two dead raccoons. "Do you wish to check the raccoons through as
luggage?" she asked.
"No, thanks," replied the vultures. "They're carrion."
Undoubtedly, there are people who cannot afford to give the anchor of sanity even the slightest tug. Sam Harris
"The situation is far too dire for pessimism."
Bill Kauth
Carl Sagan said, "We are a way for the cosmos to know itself."
PEACE, LOVE AND FISH TACOS
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