JZ
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How emotional do you get when your kids leave the nest?
My oldest (on the left) just headed back today for his 2nd year of college in the Midwest.
He's driving 2,300 miles with two of his college buddies from Orange County. Wife is pretty upset.
[Edited on 8-23-2021 by JZ]
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RFClark
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Generally women are more affected by it than men. Some, but not all suffer from what is called “empty nest syndrome”. It’s often worse if it’s
an only or the last child to leave. If the women in question is at or near her change in life it can make it more severe too! Usually it improves
after a period of time. Phone calls, Face time and texts help as do other children still at home or working outside the home.
‘
If you’ve been married a long time and have children you will probably have or will experience it at some point (I have!). That said many parents
never really stop worrying about their children and ultimately grandchildren (I do!). I think it’s something natural to most of us and a good thing.
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BajaBlanca
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I cried for a whole month beforehand, in secret, so they would not be negatively affected.
I was incredibly depressed for quite a while but I do have a funny story:
I have two kids, one was born in December and the other I adopted and he was born in January. Same age so they went to college the same month.
Marc, the one in Germany (American Air Force) now, left first. He went to Florida for college.
Rafael, my adopted son, decided to go to UC Santa Barbara. They have a 3 day orientation for both parents and freshmen, and for months, he could not
wait to leave. Oh my gosh, he made me miserable, complained about everything.
Finally, the day to drive him up and go to orientation came. We lived in San Diego and it was a 4 plus hour drive. We left early Friday and of
course, I had reserved a hotel for Friday and Saturday nights.
We arrive and off to campus we went. First step in the process separated parents and students and lasted about 3 hours. We parents were asked not to
let our students return home the first weekends after school started, so that kids would have time to adjust and become independent.
Fat chance of his wanting to come home ran through my mind.
Enter Rafael, he looks me in the eye and says, Mom, I think I made a mistake and I would like to go home.
I sighed. Audibly. Looked him in the eye and said: Sure, no problem. I only ask that we go home tomorrow since I am really tired from the drive.
He smiled and said OK.
At lunch, he and I were at a table and he went to get his food. I saw a young girl at a table next to us, all by herself. Come to find she was
Vietnamese, her mom spoke no English, the father had left them and created another family with another woman so, she was doing orientation by herself.
She joined me at the table and when Rafael came back, I introduced her and suggested they attend the rest of the afternoon orientation together. They
did and when he came back, at the end of the day, he said...I think I will be OK, Mom.
Jeez, what a day!
I still miss my kids being at home more than 20 years later hahahaha
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pauldavidmena
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I have five kids from my first marriage and remarried 23 years ago, so my kids didn't live with us when it came time for them to go to college, get
married, etc. Even so, I felt a profound sense of loss when my eldest went to college in 2001, and then again when she got married in 2005. Subsequent
departures went increasingly more smoothly, although my youngest has returned to the nest twice since his stint in the Marines. Now that he's 30, we
need to move further away!
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TMW
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Quote: Originally posted by RFClark  | Generally women are more affected by it than men. Some, but not all suffer from what is called “empty nest syndrome”. It’s often worse if it’s
an only or the last child to leave. If the women in question is at or near her change in life it can make it more severe too! Usually it improves
after a period of time. Phone calls, Face time and texts help as do other children still at home or working outside the home.
‘
If you’ve been married a long time and have children you will probably have or will experience it at some point (I have!). That said many parents
never really stop worrying about their children and ultimately grandchildren (I do!). I think it’s something natural to most of us and a good thing.
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Same here.
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billklaser
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Having 4 kids that left for college almost 30 years ago now, I always looked at this as a transition to adulthood. We did things to aid this process,
but also let them have independence for themselves. Now all is well with all 4 kids having done well for themselves! I never felt a sense of loss,
but one of enjoying the process of life.
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RFClark
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It’s the glass is half full thing!
Progress yes definitely, but loss too! Change is unavoidable so best to accept it!
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Timinator
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I was kind of bummed when one came back!
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JDCanuck
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| Quote: Originally posted by BajaBlanca | I cried for a whole month beforehand, in secret, so they would not be negatively affected.
I was incredibly depressed for quite a while but I do have a funny story:
I have two kids, one was born in December and the other I adopted and he was born in January. Same age so they went to college the same month.
Marc, the one in Germany (American Air Force) now, left first. He went to Florida for college.
Rafael, my adopted son, decided to go to UC Santa Barbara. They have a 3 day orientation for both parents and freshmen, and for months, he could not
wait to leave. Oh my gosh, he made me miserable, complained about everything.
Finally, the day to drive him up and go to orientation came. We lived in San Diego and it was a 4 plus hour drive. We left early Friday and of
course, I had reserved a hotel for Friday and Saturday nights.
We arrive and off to campus we went. First step in the process separated parents and students and lasted about 3 hours. We parents were asked not to
let our students return home the first weekends after school started, so that kids would have time to adjust and become independent.
Fat chance of his wanting to come home ran through my mind.
Enter Rafael, he looks me in the eye and says, Mom, I think I made a mistake and I would like to go home.
I sighed. Audibly. Looked him in the eye and said: Sure, no problem. I only ask that we go home tomorrow since I am really tired from the drive.
He smiled and said OK.
At lunch, he and I were at a table and he went to get his food. I saw a young girl at a table next to us, all by herself. Come to find she was
Vietnamese, her mom spoke no English, the father had left them and created another family with another woman so, she was doing orientation by herself.
She joined me at the table and when Rafael came back, I introduced her and suggested they attend the rest of the afternoon orientation together. They
did and when he came back, at the end of the day, he said...I think I will be OK, Mom.
Jeez, what a day!
I still miss my kids being at home more than 20 years later hahahaha |
Thats a fantastic story! Thanks for sharing that! Our 3 daughters all couldn't wait to leave home and go to school, now they are returning to visit as
often as they can arrange. I'm really proud of what they are contributing to society and this leaves me with tremendous hope for the future as they
instill similar values in their kids. One is a research chemist in Cancer research, ones a Psych nurse working with street people, and the third an
Electrician working with DDC controls to enhance efficiency of energy use.
Sometimes we have to appreciate the things that matter most to us, and leave the negatives behind
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AKgringo
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When I was about your son's age, I got drafted into the US Army. I think my parents would have been a lot happier to see me headed off to college,
than to a possible war zone!
[Edited on 8-24-2021 by AKgringo]
If you are not living on the edge, you are taking up too much space!
"Could do better if he tried!" Report card comments from most of my grade school teachers. Sadly, still true!
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shari
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Mood: there is no reality except the one contained within us "Herman Hesse"
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I thought I was prepared and it was not going to be a big deal at all...but...wrong!!!! I am not an easy crier but I cried at ridiculous things for a
couple weeks like finding a sock or hers etc. Never really got over it...sure is nice to have her back due to covid!!!
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Barry A.
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| Quote: Originally posted by billklaser | | Having 4 kids that left for college almost 30 years ago now, I always looked at this as a transition to adulthood. We did things to aid this process,
but also let them have independence for themselves. Now all is well with all 4 kids having done well for themselves! I never felt a sense of loss,
but one of enjoying the process of life. |
Exactly, Bill. I can tell the exact same story with my 2 blood kids and my 2 Step-kids (3 boys and 1 girl)-----all 4 doing just great, 2 being
College grads and being professionally employed (Lawyer, CEO). Interestingly, the one boy not a "College Grad" is doing the best financially,
co-owning 7 different but similar small Health-clinics in Texas, all doing great. Neither my Wife nor myself were particularly "emotional" about
their going off on their own other than being really proud of them. Our 4th Son, a College Grad, but physically handi-capped, is a "Stay at home Dad"
and is really good at it, his Wife says. She is a CA Master Teacher. We are close to all of them, even tho they are really scattered around the
Western USA.
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David K
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So wonderful for you, Barry!
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pauldavidmena
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Location: Centerville, MA, USA
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When you're a baby boomer and your kids leave the nest only to return, they are called "boomerangs".
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JZ
Elite Nomad
Posts: 9234
Registered: 10-3-2003
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| Quote: Originally posted by Barry A. | | Quote: Originally posted by billklaser | | Having 4 kids that left for college almost 30 years ago now, I always looked at this as a transition to adulthood. We did things to aid this process,
but also let them have independence for themselves. Now all is well with all 4 kids having done well for themselves! I never felt a sense of loss,
but one of enjoying the process of life. |
Exactly, Bill. I can tell the exact same story with my 2 blood kids and my 2 Step-kids (3 boys and 1 girl)-----all 4 doing just great, 2 being
College grads and being professionally employed (Lawyer, CEO). Interestingly, the one boy not a "College Grad" is doing the best financially,
co-owning 7 different but similar small Health-clinics in Texas, all doing great. Neither my Wife nor myself were particularly "emotional" about
their going off on their own other than being really proud of them. Our 4th Son, a College Grad, but physically handi-capped, is a "Stay at home Dad"
and is really good at it, his Wife says. She is a CA Master Teacher. We are close to all of them, even tho they are really scattered around the
Western USA.
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Very impressive! Congrats.
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John Harper
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My parents raised us to leave the nest. Pretty sure they were happy to get rid of me and the next year my sister. We felt likewise.
I'm sure your son will do just fine and he seems to have been raised very well by caring and thoughtful parents. Congratulations to you and your
wife!
The circle of life. Another chapter begins.
John
[Edited on 8-24-2021 by John Harper]
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Lee
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| Quote: Originally posted by John Harper | My parents raised us to leave the nest. Pretty sure they were happy to get rid of me and the next year my sister. We felt likewise.
I'm sure your son will do just fine and he seems to have been raised very well by caring and thoughtful parents. Congratulations to you and your
wife!
The circle of life. Another chapter begins.
John
[Edited on 8-24-2021 by John Harper] |
x2
US Marines: providing enemies of America an opportunity to die for their country since 1775.
What I say before any important decision.
F*ck it.
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JZ
Elite Nomad
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Registered: 10-3-2003
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He made it to Chicago tonight. The are spending one night in downtown.
They all have fake ids. So I'm sure they are having some fun.
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JZ
Elite Nomad
Posts: 9234
Registered: 10-3-2003
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| Quote: Originally posted by John Harper | My parents raised us to leave the nest. Pretty sure they were happy to get rid of me and the next year my sister. We felt likewise.
I'm sure your son will do just fine and he seems to have been raised very well by caring and thoughtful parents. Congratulations to you and your
wife!
The circle of life. Another chapter begins.
John
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Thanks John appreciate that.
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