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lindsay
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Common Connections
Today at the school where I work with international students learning English, we had a class about commonalities the students discover between their
culture and the U.S.
So, this got me thinking about my own discoveries with my family in San Diego and my daughter's family in Mulege. My time in Mulege has and continues
to reinforce how two very different, on the surface, families share shades of many everyday moments and experiences.
Abuela in Mulege laments the consumption level of Sabritas and sodas by some of her nietos while "Ba-Ma" in San Diego says Sara must balance out her
end of the school year pizza and cake celebration with next dinner's cooked carrot quota. In both places, I wonder how the kids process their
cultures' messages on weight. Does being referred to as gordo/a roll off the kid's back because it's just how people address you casually like other
names, guero, moreno, flaco, chaparito, etc. For one of Sara's cousins, it's common for the relatives to insert gorda when telling a story that
includes her just as others in the family are referred to as guero, another is china and one aunt is flaquita. There is no mean spirited-ness or
negativity in this gorda. While in San Diego, my 4-year came back from pre-school one day in a funk. I asked why and she sadly whined that she did not
like her once favorite sundress anymore. I asked why and she said because it made her look fat.
I look at the two worlds and see the everyday with different shades of experience. Interesting how one word can at times be so neutral in one place
and send a kid into tears in another.
In the holiday world, Mulege has every school proudly march through town on September 16th, all in coordinated costumes, some on decorated pick-up
truck beds, others dancing or forming human pyramids; all celebrating Independence Day. In La Jolla, all the family heads for Bird Rock to watch the
kids go down the street for the home-grown block party and parade on the 4th of July. In Mulege and La Jolla, both parades end with food...at Mulege's
Campo de Beisbol we feast on tamales, tostados, horchata, are you hungry yet?? and in Bird Rock the hot dogs, lemonade and brownies are on
tap....Mulege takes the prize for best after parade munchies in this cultural moment but the brownies are great!!
Hope that these memories don't make this post ramble and snore too much but I've been fortunate to have these two families. It probably is cliche to
say that we learn much from others who may seem very different from us. Despite growing up in San Diego, I went to live in Mulege with a very limited
knowledge of Mexico and its culture when I worked with the local high school there. I was fortunate to be in a community that opened its world to me
and graciously let me be curious so I could better understand this culture.
So, I was thinking about all this after reading the board for the past several weeks and the different voices commenting on how some can't or don't
want to explore how the two cultures have shades of both commonality and contrast. I've read JR's views on Americans and their presence in Baja
California's communities. I have seen the people he describes who don't want to learn Spanish, who lament "why don't they do it like we do",
sacastically joke about Mexicans and other behavior that is embarassing. But in the spirit of ying-yang and the other side of the coin theme, I have
met non-Mexican nationals who live in local neighborhoods not enclaves, shop local and make Mexican friends through their genuine respect and
curiosity about Mexican culture. The hard part is the louder and less curious crowd often overshadows the other one. After working with students from
dozens of countries, they have taught me this same lesson which leads us back to the opening of my post...yep, this is almost over...thanks for
hanging in this long!! At the end of today's lesson at the English school in La Jolla, a Mexican kid (actually not a kid but 25) in my class sums up
his view on the lesson's topic about commonlaties between our cultures..."Each country, we are like that movie title, The Good, the Bad, and the
Ugly", no matter which country we talk about, we all have it". I thought that was a great wrap so I'll steal it with his permission ( I told him that
I would show him this post at school tomorrow) to end this post. Thanks for letting us share some thoughts.
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Debra
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Good read Lindsay, your student is right "Good, Bad and Ugly" we are more alike than we sometimes think.
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Osprey
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In my little corner of Mexico it's about celebrating our differences. To do that you need a little Spanish, be a little curious and be a good
listener -- you have to first discover the culture that exists where you live. Only then can you feel the texture of the life of the village, the
people. My most courteous Mexican neighbors don't try to fit in with us gringos and I don't try to insinuate myself into their society -- we work
together when there is a common goal we can wrestle with -- it's enough.
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Bruce R Leech
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Mood: A lot cooler than Mulege
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you have some very interesting observations.keep giving us this good stuff.
thanks
Bruce
Bruce R Leech
Ensenada
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lindsay
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Thanks for the Comments & Views
It's nice to hear from others and my Mexican student here in San Diego got a good English lesson as well by reading this thread!! After reading the
posts again, made me wish I was in Mulege enjoying the beaches and some local tacos...although San Diego has had great weather this week and I also
had a mean chile relleno burrito at one of my favorite taco shops, Panchos, last night!! 
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bajaden
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Well aside from the fact that Im going into the hospital tomorrow for a test that requires I don't eat anything for 24 hours and drink a lot of nasty
stuff that requires you don't stray very far from the el bano I enjoyed your post. You could have left out the food part, considering that Im starving
to death. Im personally facinated by other country's cultures. People have asked me what it is about baja that I most enjoy. My answer is always the
same. Respect....... The people in baja have respect for one another. They say good morning and smile. When you have a flat, they will stop and try to
help. I was on a dirt road, staring at my second flat tire in 20 minutes. Curseing the tire manufactuer, and the road, and myself for not bring two
spares. A mexican young man on a bike came by and observed. He left, and 15 minutes later he arrived back with a pump. Well nothing was going to help
my tire, but you had to appreciate his effort. I won't bore you with the rest of the story, but he was involved in getting me out of there.
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David K
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So, so true... the Baja people make you feel good about being their guests.
Lindsay, an excellent post! So different, yet so simular!
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lindsay
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Bajaden, sorry the food parts made you hungry in your situation and I wish you the best with your hospital visit. I remember being cut off from food
the night before my C-section when Sara was born and I was one happy camper when they let me at the real deal comida again!! I also nodded as I read
your flat tire story. During my first year in Mulege, a Mexican friend let my co-worker and I who were working with local high school students at the
museum use his spare pick-up truck, affectionately called El Toro, to get around. Unfortunately, just at dusk one night El Toro had a flat tire as we
went into the curving section of the highway on the descent to Santispac beach. We made it to the one turn-out at the end of the main curve before the
beach and sat with El Toro for a bit. Within a few minutes, El Toro's savior came down the hill in a little brown pick-up, later dubbed "Santo Pinto".
Our rescuers, a Mexican husband and wife with two small kids, pulled over in Santo Pinto and the husband sized up the dilemna. They were headed to
Loreto but graciously gave us a ride back in the opposite direction to our palapa at the front of Concepcion Bay where our friends could then come do
triage on El Toro.
So, Bajaden thanks for reminding me of my own good Samaritans in Mulege and best wishes to you for a safe hospital visit. David, good to hear from you
to and you will know the owner of El Toro...it was Ricardo. 
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Marie-Rose
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Lindsay
Thank you for sharing. What a wonderful teacher you must be! You've learned from your students.
Osprey
I can only hope to be able to have the relationship it sounds as though you have with your Mexican neighbors. We have just started our life as
gringo's in a Mexican neighborhood and this is the reason I love to read these kinds of posts. We are learning spanish, very curious, and realize that
we need to slowly demonstrate our dedication to trying to fit in to our new community, rather than trying to insinuate our values on them. I can see
that one of the biggest challenges might be to actually find a common goal to work for. Already I have been excited about doing one or the other
thing (that I think would be fabulous) and my wise friends (who are already very involved with the local Mexican families) stop me and make me realize
that I am imposing my "gringo" idea's on a culture that might feel quite uncomfortable accecpting my generosity. I am looking forward to learning all
of these lessons!!
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bajaden
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Don't worry Lindsay, This is just one of those rotor rutor kind of things. Almost like going thru a drive thru. Thanks for reminding me of Santispac.
I'll be sitting in Rays having a cervesa in about 10 days. God, now Im starting to think about those coconut shrimp.
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Osprey
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Marie Rose
You are bound to be a good neighbor down here with that wonderful attitude. One gringo neighbor of mine said our Mexican neighbors only cleaned up
their properties when they saw how we did it -- what arrogance! Here's more = in a nearby village the humane society makes video tapes, gives them to
school kids to take home to show their parents how not to be Mexicans when it comes to household pets. When the town managers need money in the form
of donations that's a very good time for gringos in the community to lend a hand. It's hard for me to be a part of the culture here -- I don't eat
dinner at 10 PM, I don't drink to get drunk, I hate loud music. I'm an old man. I don't even get along with my gringo neighbors. I have my own
culture. Don't crowd anybody, have patience, keep your word -- you'll be loved wherever you go.
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lindsay
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Marie Rose,
I wish you many rewarding adventures as you enjoy your time in Baja California. Osprey has a good point that your attitude of trying to understand and
learn from others will help as you negotiate a new culture. It takes time but I remember having great conversations with my Mexican friends that
helped me understand that there will always be shades of commonality between us as well as differences.
Bajaden, glad to hear that all is well for you and enjoy your next visit to Santispac...I too can taste the coconut shrimp too!! 
Have a great weekend everyone!!
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Baja Bernie
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lindsay
I have been wandering around Baja for over 40 years and I find 'culture' to be a quicksand kind of thing. If you don't struggle and remain calm
everything will work out.
This is taken from my second book and I believe that it is a very good place to start from in learning and being accepted by your Mexican
neighbors---"Mr. Swaim, why do you do that?" What, I asked. "You know, why do you wave at everyone you see? AND you smile at them too!" I smiled and
answered, "Well, a bunch of those people are my friends and those I don't know I acknowledge as fellow human beings." Seeing the confusion on her
face I went on--in Baja we we all smile and acknowledge each other because we need to support each other in our daily lives."
She still looked confused so I continued--"Okay, in the States you would think it was silly to wave and smile--in fact if you waved at someone you
didn't know you would probably get a middle finger in return." Sure my behavior in the States would be considered stupid--Different cultures!!!
I even wave at the flagmen on the highways and they ALWAYS smile and wave back. But, No! Never at Caltrans.
My smidgen of a claim to fame is that I have had so many really good friends. By Bernie Swaim December 2007
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pokey
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| Quote: | | She still looked confused so I continued--"Okay, in the States you would think it was silly to wave and smile--in fact if you waved at someone you
didn't know you would probably get a middle finger in return." Sure my behavior in the States would be considered stupid--Different cultures!!!
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Hmmmm.. I been waving to folks all my life and nine times out of ten they wave back, or nod in recognition, or smile. 
Which begs the question- Are Mexicans really that friendly? Or are the Americans that think they are (friendly)..... from big cities?
Keep Mexico weird
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Baja Bernie
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Pokey
I am sure the folks in Alaska are happy to even see another human--That is where you said you were from--right. And those crab fisherman were really
blown away when they saw another boat that stayed afloat.
But hey! You are right Enseneda was a small town when I first started visiting and yet it was far to busy for us folks from La Salina---population,
including the back bay---about 40 people at any one time.
The point I was trying to make is that almost all cultures can be bridged with little more than an smile and a wave. Then you continue to work
together together together.
My smidgen of a claim to fame is that I have had so many really good friends. By Bernie Swaim December 2007
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bajaden
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I think Bernie is right on. Im not saying that people in the states won't wave back. Its just that Im the one doing all the waving, and most seem to
have a surprised look on their faces. The first time I ever visited baja I flew to cabo with a wife from another life. I went to rent a car and the
young man asked for my cerdit card. I removed it from my wallet and tossed it onto his desk. He stared at me for a second and then said, In baja we
hand things to people, we don't throw. He said it with a smile on his face, but I knew he was serious. It was my first awakening to thier culture. I
won't be so pompus as to say that I know everything I need to know. But Im learning, and for me its enjoyable.
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bajaden
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Man, to think I won a spelling bee in school. Yuck........
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Baja Bernie
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bajaden
And there was our first trip to Cabo way back when. I was wearing my traveling wallet with all of my money and papers and attached with a chain to my
belt--You gotta be careful in a foreign country--Banditos you know.
Well! The dang thing fell out of my pocket and onto the floor of the crowded jitney. As we sweated out way to the SolaMar Hotel. We were the last
ones out because you can't go any further south without leaving Baja.
Anyway, this young kid came up and presented my wallet to me with broad, non-bandito smile on his face. All my papers and about $500.00 US pressed
into my had by a kid that made less than three bucks a day. The wife still gives me heck for losing the wallet but I always have an honest kids face
flash before my eyes.
Cultures and quicksand! Relax
My smidgen of a claim to fame is that I have had so many really good friends. By Bernie Swaim December 2007
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jrbaja
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When I don't wave to people
I usually am embarrased because they all wave to me. I think they recognize the bamboo truck. But, I wave at everyone just in case nowadays because
the road from Los Barriles to San Bartolo is usually populated by my neighbors and friends from LB.
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bajaden
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Actually Bernie, everytime someone in the states hears of my going down to baja they all ask the same question. What about the bandito's. I tell them
you just have to be lucky because there all over the place. Very selfish of me I know, but I think Jr's got a point about some of the gringo's. I
guess if you don't like the word, it might strike a little too close to home.
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