Mike Humfreville
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Lessons Learned, Conclusion ? The Ride North
Lessons Learned, Conclusion ? The Ride North
Kevin and Michael had ridden down from Ventura in Kev?s F-150. Ww were returning to the U.S with his truck and the Vaca Blanca. Mary Ann would ride
back to Bahia de Los Angeles with Pete and Suzanne in their great yellow Hummer. The boys and I were the first to leave the pyramid, around noon on
Sunday. Dog Dito and I would ride the first leg with Michael driving Vaca Blanca. We would all stick together until we hit the border for the sake
of security in numbers.
Kev drives pretty fast but Michael and I kept up with him. In the border line we were settling in amidst the pedestrians and street vendors wandering
through the slow moving traffic My window was up and suddenly there was a tapping on the glass and I turned to see Kev, in his truck, acting as a
vendor and wanting to know if we?d like to purchase a cold Coke. Somewhere he?d picked op an icy 12-pack. He handed one to Michael and we all
laughed. From there on Kev was pretty much ahead of us.
In the slow moving line, Michael kept his window down. When a vendor flashed his/her wares or asked if we?d like to make a purchase Michael always
said no but was totally respectful to the individual. We collected small change and a couple bucks to contribute to the Cruz Roja (Mexican Red
Cross). It had been some number of years since the two of us had crossed the line together. I was silently absorbing the manner in which Michael
dealt with the vendors and the children that barely had shirts on their backs. Some folks differentiate in their treatment of others based solely on
income. I hope I have never done that. I know Michael has not. In that border line some of us get angry at all the fussing between drivers looking
for the best lane. Michael stayed in his lane. If another driver had an apparent need to get into our lane and was polite, Michael always let
him/her in.
Sometimes we get so wrapped around our own axels in our society and work and general hubbub that we forget that all of us deserve respect. I?ve
always tried to live for the improvement of society in general rather than just myself. I had no need to ?train? my children with lectures and
statements and opinions, I just did what I did and hoped our boys would learn by observation. My tactic had obviously worked.
As I aged I was afraid that my boys would focus on the disturbances I had caused to our lives and forget the good things they had learned from me.
Sitting in the border line, creeping slowly forward, I had the time to slow myself down enough to see that I was wrong.
We neared the actual border and dropped the last of our change into a child?s donation cup. We answered a few polite questions for the American guard
and were waved through. We headed for the 805 northbound. The remaining drive took us just under four hours. We had nothing to do but converse and
philosophize ? which we are both big on ? and listen to a wide variety of music. Michael plugged his iPOD into the car stereo, selected random
playback and we were set for the entire trip. I reflected on the music he was listening to a few years back when he was in audio recording school.
It had been too wild for me to care about. But now, a few years downstream, he was playing music I truly enjoyed. So much so in fact that I?d
previously changed to several of his stations on my radio buttons.
We talked and listened all the way back to Ventura. We were peers for perhaps the first time. Driving the car wasn?t a place for a parent to make
responsibilities for a child. It was not time to vacuum on Friday or clean up his room. It was just the two of us, with dog Dito hanging between the
back and front seat and trying to find an excuse to climb forward. As we neared home I almost wished we had more miles to travel, to continue sharing
equal lives.
Sometimes, I was thinking, I might miss just what great children Mary Ann and I have raised. Perfect? Never. But close as you?d want them to be. I
could only hope that all parents have the opportunity to be as close as we were over those too few hours.
Alas, we pulled into our rural driveway and were greeted by aged avocado trees sprawling across our small lawn. Rows of lemons in the orchards arced
gently down toward the Santa Clara River, en route to Ventura and the Great Pacific. Kevin had been home for some time. He had his friend Carly with
him. We all hugged and Carly asked how I was doing; she?d heard of my plight and had tears in her eyes that were more meaningful to me than perhaps
anyone will ever know. When we face an unknown it?s always important to know that there are family and friends supporting us, even though my problem
had been completely if accidentally self-induced.
Mary Ann was not due home for another week and it was a pleasure to spend time with my children. They are older now and I wouldn?t want to bore them
to death with my groaning about my back. I spent three full days on the couch and in bed. But they were always there in the background and I enjoyed
listening to them talk and joke about a computer game they share, fending off a shared enemy.
A few days after our return hoe I was feeling a little better. We all went shopping for Mother?s Day and shared the wrapping responsibilities.,
signed greeting cards and arranging packages on the dining room table for Mary Ann?s appreciation just a few days away now.
But all that is behind us now, a week later. The five of us are back together ? when Carly is with us. I have been to my U. S. doctor. He told me
that everything the Ensenada doctors did was directly in line with what he would have done. My lumbar disks weren?t smashed, just bruised and would
recover on their own over time. He confirmed that the combination of Ibuprofen and aspirin can eat holes in your stomach, but that I appeared to be
well on the road to recovery.
?Stay away from Alcohol.? He told me. I?ll do just that. While it played no direct role in any of the recent events, it was making it hard for my
body to recover. I agreed with him and I know that occasionally my drinking had made it hard on my family.
So it?s a done deal now. Bad happenings can be used as tools to improve our futures and I?ve always known that. And there are still many more
lessons to be learned from this entire experience. It just might take me time to sort them all out.
Mary Ann and I will be going back to Bahia de Los Angeles soon, just after Kevin?s Birthday. The weather will certainly be warm by then, and the
water blue and filled with sparkling wavelets and many birds, whales and dolphins. A breeze from the north will cool us. In that wonderful
environment there is more time to review life thus far and make plans for our futures.
Remote Baja California is the ideal place to dig a little deeper into the thought process and I can only look forward respectfully to rejoining her.
It?s never quite the same when I?m not with her even though she can be a fickle mistress.
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Barry A.
Select Nomad
Posts: 10007
Registered: 11-30-2003
Location: Redding, Northern CA
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Mood: optimistic
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Mike------
-----I am thinking that this "piece" is one of your best------truly terrific!!!! Thanks for the wisdom, and please continue your recovery as fast as
possible---------you are blessed, for sure, and have that rare ability to share it with others.
Best, Barry
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Mike Humfreville
Super Nomad
Posts: 1148
Registered: 8-26-2003
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Thanks Barry,
I hope I continue to learn and improve as writing has always been my passion. Thanks for warm words. Head south and we can visit.
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Bruce R Leech
Elite Nomad
Posts: 6796
Registered: 9-20-2004
Location: Ensenada formerly Mulege
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Mood: A lot cooler than Mulege
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cant wate for your next Book Mike
Bruce R Leech
Ensenada
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David K
Honored Nomad
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Registered: 8-30-2002
Location: San Diego County
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Mood: Have Baja Fever
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Thanks for sharing the entire story with us Mike...
You open your life to us all in a totally unselfish way so that we may gain something from your experiences...
and we do!
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Diver
Ultra Nomad
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Registered: 11-15-2004
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Great writing, Mike; and a great story.
I hope to be as proud of my kids when they grow up !
Thanks.
Hard times are no fun but they often lead to learning more about ourselves and those around us. Sounds like lot's of good people rallied to your
assistance. Good memories.
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Bob H
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Registered: 8-19-2003
Location: San Diego
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Mike, it's great to see that you are on your way to full recovery. It is also great to read your words and to know that you and MaryAnn are great
parents! It is always a pleasure to read your posts. We look forward to seeing you again.
Bob H
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Mike Humfreville
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Posts: 1148
Registered: 8-26-2003
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Thanks for kind words folks...
Of the two of us Mary Ann is the more constant and predictable (as we might have guessed based on this story). I tend to be always pushing principles
I believe in. The events in this story proved to me that my value to my family is equal to theirs to me. as an example to his integrity, just after
we returned from the book signing Michael found a $100.00 bill here in Santa Paula just outside a small shop. Without thinking he turned it over to
the shop manager. Not only that but he was proud of his action. Gotta love these kids. Michael, Kevin and Carly are all on the same plain. Some
folks would find that crazy. I wish there were more people in this world like them.
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David K
Honored Nomad
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Location: San Diego County
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Mood: Have Baja Fever
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| Quote: | Originally posted by Mike Humfreville
...just after we returned from the book signing Michael found a $100.00 bill here in Santa Paula just outside a small shop...
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Mike, go read your previous Baja story posted... THAT $100 bill could very well have been YOURS!!!   
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Mike Humfreville
Super Nomad
Posts: 1148
Registered: 8-26-2003
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David,
I think you're talking about the $100.00 I left at the Bahia Pemex station when I found I didn't have the key to my gas cap (Mary Ann had it)! But
when I went back the next day they told me I had a $100.00 credit. Honest people.
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Bedman
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Registered: 9-4-2002
Location: Orange County, CA.
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OR.....Could that be a fateful day in the Diaz compound? Shortly after the fireworks!!
I need to get you one of those wallets with the chain attached to your belt.
Thanks for the Excellent story.
As always,
Bedman
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Pescador
Ultra Nomad
Posts: 3587
Registered: 10-17-2002
Location: Baja California Sur
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Mike, I copied this from your story: Some folks differentiate in their treatment of others based solely on income.
I once brought up the question of why, when we get south of the border we change our behavior and do things we would not normally do. One of the
little subtle things I have observed is people giving out candy to the local kids when they wouldn't even think of doing that at home in their own
neighborhood. Perhaps this trait goes even deeper in the way we interact with people from Mexico in general. Maybe that even goes so far as to
explain why panhandlers are able to do so well standing on the street corner both here in the US or in Mexico.
Anyway, that one sentence really jarred me into some serious reflection. It speaks volumes about our tendency to see another person as an economic
generalization. And the reverse is true as I get very frustrated when I can't get past the perception that I am just another "Rich American" when I
am in Baja.
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Mike Humfreville
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Registered: 8-26-2003
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Pescador
Very True. Maybe that?s one reason I always try to slip through the border cities undetected and as quickly as possible. Once I?ve arrived in (just
outside of) the smaller villages in the central desert I instinctively know and have time to spend with the locals who I sense aren?t just after me to
spend a buck. In the more intimate locales where I am somewhat known I can see locals (American and Mexican alike) as we truly are. In these
out-of-the-way places life is so static and gracefully slow that we can all mingle and grow to know each other and forget the differences of $$$ and
accept or reject (mildly) the varying attitudes of others like and unlike us. I find myself surrounded with people who accept me for what I am and I
in turn respect them. When we live in a large collection of random folks how can we expect to come to valid conclusions; there is so little time to
go around. But when we live amongst a smaller more tranquil collection of souls we have more time per capita to digest attitudes and nurture
relationships.
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Pescador
Ultra Nomad
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It took me a while to understand but I used to bring a lot of things for the "people" of mexico and I had a problem understanding why it was not met
with glee and joy, and then I started to reflect that if the tables were reversed I would feel less than important if somebody was unloading their
castaways on to me. In my slow way, it dawned on me that when I felt the most special is when someone was in touch enough with me to bring me a gift
or special remembrance that communicated caring and specialness. We had friends that came from Canada last year and got to our place in the middle of
the billfish bite. We put them up and cooked and all that kind of thing, which we were pleased to do, but when they were leaving they gave me their
special Marlin lure as a remembrance which was not given as an obligation or to pay back for our hospitality, but as something that truly came from
the heart.
Anyway, I have struggled to find the right words to wrap around this idea that I have thought about for a long time and your words went right to the
core of what I was searching for. Thank you
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Mike Humfreville
Super Nomad
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Registered: 8-26-2003
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We are damned lucky to have such friends in our lives.
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eetdrt88
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Location: Az/Ca/Baja
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i just sat and ate my dinner and watched pescadors avatar the whole time,thats a good one....I like the talk in this thread and definitely relate to
some of the things being said...I havent quite figured out completely why i'm so into baja,I mean theres alot of obvious reasons but one thats right
there at the top is the people you meet there...its alot like everywhere in the sense that there are some nice folks and some not so nice but
pescadors right about how the vibe changes when you get out of the cities and into some of the more remote areas...i've encountered some very helpful
folks in baja both gringo's and mexicans and it still never ceases to amaze me how helpful some of them have been in situations where they could have
done nothing at all
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