M - 9-28-2006 at 11:02 AM
The board has been dwelling on some pretty heavy stuff lately, how about lightening it up? Back in the 'Amigo's' days, a thread was started, 'What's
the stupidest thing you ever did in Baja?' it went on for weeks and was really entertaining.
How about we start one here' What's the funniest thing that has ever happened to you in Baja?' What about tricks played on someone? Revenge? whatever,
lets keep it light. I contributed mine a month ago, 'The Porta Bote Story'.
Who's next?
Hugs,
M
pargo - 9-28-2006 at 11:10 AM
I agree wholeheartedly, let me start with these laughs..see if they work...
Bajamatic - 9-28-2006 at 11:18 AM
I had my alternator go out in Santo Tomas. I was told to go to maneadero, where I found a mechanic . He immediately went to work on my car. I
tried to get a quote from him, but he kept brushing off my requests and put his head down under the hood. Next thing I know he's jumping inthe back
seat of a car (that barely ran) and bailed with my alternator in hand, and not a word to me about it. Five hours later he came back. I was a little
concerned about the price to say the least because I knew nothing about this guy, and less about how much it costss to rebuild an alternator. At the
end of a very long and frustrating day, the alternator was back in the car, and she fired up perfectly. He promised me it would make it to Cabo. I
asked how much, and he said $1600. I about soiled my pants (which was premature because the "Montezumas" from the Nopales I ate while waiting didn't
set in till Guerrero). I was beside myself and, speaking perfect fluent spanish, was hurtling every bad word I could at this guy, who was in turn
becoming irate defending his perfect craftmanship and ethics. My friend, who didnt speak a word of spanish, was next to me, mouth wide open, thinking
we were about to go to blows. You know how spanish gets when its all worked up - and we were there for sure. My buddy tugged on my shirt and asked
what the deal was. I told him, "the deal is 1600 hundred bones". He about died too, then asked, Dollars or Pesos? I stopped - thought about that
for a second, then looked at my new best friend and asked, "Dollars or Pesos"? He laughed. "Your car isnt worth that in dollars my friend!"
[Edited on 9-28-2006 by Bajamatic]
[Edited on 9-28-2006 by Bajamatic]
[Edited on 9-28-2006 by Bajamatic]
M is for missing
Sharksbaja - 9-28-2006 at 11:18 AM
I wanted to see that "Bote" thread so I used the search feature. Are you aware that your past posts in the archives are gone or not available M ? 
Not too funny, sorry.
Bajamatic - 9-28-2006 at 11:20 AM
try porta boat. its recent.
uh, ok I tried
Sharksbaja - 9-28-2006 at 11:25 AM
Yes, there it is but not the whole story follow-up. When I hit "find" I just get an error message for M.
Cypress - 9-28-2006 at 11:42 AM
Bajamatic! Good story!
Sharky...
M - 9-28-2006 at 11:43 AM
Thank you Kate, I just got back from U2'ing it to Sharky.
Glad you enjoyed it.
Hugs,
M
vgabndo - 9-28-2006 at 11:46 AM
The old road to Punta Abreojos had made it impossible to unlock the back doors of my camper van. I pulled the hinge pins to get my 2 1/2 gallon
emergency gas can out, and had it sitting on the floor behind the front passenger seat.
We pulled into an reten and when the kid with the rifle opened the side door, the can bounced out onto the ground. He said to his buddy, in espanol,
"hey, look out it's a bomb!" I said in my "best" spanish that it couldn't be a bomb, 'cause that would be against the law. Everyone laughed. The
troops continued their lighthearted search and asked the usual questions. Drugs? No. Explosives? No. Arms? I said actually I am armed. The
atmosphere went stoney cold. Until I said "pero es solomente my tirador" and pulled out the sling shot I had carved while sitting around camp.
We left them laughing, but I'm not sure I would do it again now some decade later.
Bajagypsy - 9-28-2006 at 11:47 AM
Our first trip down Baja from Canada was a bit of a trial. First we got into the wrong lane entering Tiajuan, and suddenly were in downtown Tj with
no idea where we were, or how to go back to the boarder, all we knew was that we needed to get tourist visa's and we were totally lost. After about 3
hours of driving around, we finaly made it to the border, where we had to go back into the US, and then turn around and get back into Baja. Did that,
and got on the number 1. Everything was going fine, spent the night in GN, and went off on day number 2. Didn't we get lost in La Paz (trying to get
to Cabo). Wound up on a dirt road from hel!, at 9:30 at night, trying to find our way. We eventually saw city lights, and to our amazement
(amusment) found ourselves in what we thought was Cabo. Found a cheap hotel, and thought we were pretty smart. 3 days later we were talking to some
american's and found out we were in San Jose Del Cabo, not Cabo. 
We jumped in our car and high tailed it to Cabo, and quess what??? We hated it. We hated everything about it, now we avoid anything in that area if
at all possible. We try to stick to tiny towns, and camp as we go. Can't get enough of Baja!!!!
wilderone - 9-28-2006 at 11:53 AM
Two cannibals are eating a clown. One says to the other, "does this taste funny to you.?"
The other day I went shopping for camouflage trousers, but I couldn't find any.
Cypress - 9-28-2006 at 12:02 PM
wilderone!!
These are GREAT!
M - 9-28-2006 at 12:31 PM
keep em commin.
Cypress - 9-28-2006 at 12:35 PM
grover! Keep the story going!
About 12 or 13 years ago...
bigzaggin - 9-28-2006 at 03:31 PM
camped at the end of a goat trail on a beach 10 miles or so north of Santa Rosalillita, one hour before sunset. My friend and I realize the ice in
the cooler is melting fast and, not wanting to spend the next few days chugging hot Tecates, I volunteer to race the '85 Subaru back to town believing
I'll find a wealth of ice on offer. I leave my buddy on the beach to set-up camp, build a fire, etc., and promise to return in "half an hour or so."
On my way into town I realize that I not only have the flashlights in the car but the lighters/matches as well. No biggie I figure, I'll be back soon
enough. Of course there's no ice on offer at the tiny little store there so, resigned to warm suds and with the sun setting fast, I head back on the
road north. Trouble is, I can't remember which path my friend is at the end of...and the more I drive around, the more I get lost and the more each
road mimics the next. With dark a few minutes away and gas draining and anxiety on the rise, I decide my lone option is to head BACK to town and try
to get some directions to the beach we were on, hoping my description of the point will be enough.
It's dark now, and I get back to the store and begin pleading my case to the senora there. She is basically like, "What the hell can I do about it?"
Predictably, some half-drunk local is listening in a stupor, his mouth half open, and kindly offers to steer me back to the beach in question "for a
few beers." He SWEARS he knows the place I'm describing.
So, he hops in the Subaru and off we go. At this point (and mind you I was 19 or so at the time) I'm figuring there's at least a 50% chance I'll
shortly be stabbed and dumped beside a dead yucca....but what could I do? The guy spends 15 minutes insisting I must have some weed the car (which I
didn't...I don't think) but lo and behold, after 20 minutes driving, he finds the turn off! We bounce along the sand for a few and eventually,
emerging from complete blackness into the headlights, my buddy walks up - freezing cold and none too pleased about having spend 2 hours+ huddled in
the pitch dark alone on a remote beach in Baja. "Did you at least get the ice?"
Of course, I had to give my new buddy a ride all the way back to town (I marked the turnoff on my way back) but he was rewarded with a few - warm -
Tecates.
Bajamatic - 9-28-2006 at 04:26 PM
I might add that the guy in zaggins story and the guy in my story is THE SAME GUY!!! I think he needs new friends.
Bajamatic - 9-28-2006 at 04:27 PM
oh - and now he knows spanish. "No Tire Basura"
kellychapman - 9-29-2006 at 01:49 AM
what a horrible and stressful situation as it is rather scary and frustrating when you have such an adventure. I got lost taking the Tecate route one
night and then a truck was turned over in the middle of the road.....and had to turn around and go back down a winding and very dark route.....took me
several hours to get back on track....omg it was horrible....you should venture on up to Loreto as it is a wonderful place and I like you am not a fan
of Cabo.....simply because of its size....life is an adventure when you are on the roads in Baja....wish you lots of luck in finding wonderful small
towns and not going through what you have already been through. Have a great and safe trip ....and the more you do it the easier it
gets.....hmmmmmmmmm.....I think....
TMW - 9-29-2006 at 07:21 AM
About 5 years ago my two retired brothers and I were on our annual 10 day Baja adventure trip. After spending most of a day wandering around Santa
Rosalia taking in the sites and sounds we head north. They're in the front and I'm in the back seat of the truck laying down. Just as a fish truck
comes along I let one of those quiet but very stinky farts. The fish truck passes and both brothers start yakking about the smell from that truck.
They go on for miles about the smell and how could the driver of the fish truck put up with it, it must be for fertilizer. Surely no one would eat
that stuff. I was laughing so hard I was crying. I never did tell them. Everytime I think about it I start laughning.
[Edited on 9-29-2006 by TW]
Bajagypsy - 9-29-2006 at 07:24 AM
Bob H
I didn't want to offend anyone with my post about not liking Cabo, it just isn't our type of place, my personal theory is if I can get mcdonalds
somewhere, I could have stayed home.
kellychapman
we to like Loreto, we took the kids there last may, and we are bringing them down again this november, my youngest has already said that he NEEDS to
get back to Loreto
wilderone - 9-29-2006 at 08:19 AM
Two antennas met on a roof, fell in love and got married. The ceremony wasn't much, but the reception was great.
Cypress - 9-29-2006 at 11:11 AM
TW!
bajalera - 9-29-2006 at 12:24 PM
It never rains in San Diego in September. Every time we came out of it and into a store, dribbling little streams of water, the natives told us that.
We finally got to the Mexican consulate for tourist cards, where the only person in sight--a middle-aged woman wearing dangling earrings and a week's
supply of makeup--was not pleased that her phone cal was l interrupted by having to fill out forms for eight bedraggled looking people.
We left the office and were walking down the hall, tourist permits in hand, when my husband took a good look at his. Although he had put archaeologist
as his profession, our lady of the dangling earrings had converted this to "agricultor." Which made sense, sort of, since he had put "field work" as
the purpose of his trip.
While he was arranging for a correction, I looked at my own permit. My last job before we left Florida to drive to Baja was making maps, so I had
entered my profession as cartographer.
The permit said I was a "caracaratulista." I had expected a word that looked like it was based on Greek, but oh well. It must have come from some
other language--Arabic, maybe.
When we got to La Paz and people asked me if I worked, I said, "Si, soy caracaratulista." Nobody asked me about maps, but I attributed this to the
fact that I knew so little Spanish that talking with me was too much like work.
Then one day, while browsing through my Velazquez dictionary, I came across the word "caracaratulista." Translation: mask-maker.
Caracaratulista has such a nice ring to it that I've always been sorry I had to give up this profession. But I don't have the slightest idea of how to
go about making masks.
jerry - 9-29-2006 at 12:55 PM
why are mermaids covered with sea shells??
jerry - 9-29-2006 at 12:57 PM
because B shells are too small
and D shells are too big
ROTFLMAO!!!!!
DanO - 9-29-2006 at 01:06 PM
No question about it, TW wins (so far). You just can't beat a good fart story.
Paulina - 9-29-2006 at 01:32 PM
I sure hope that Dern doesn't read that fishy-fart story as it would blow the cover off of my plan for our next trip.....
Very funny, and I can't even tell him about it, cause I want to try it myself!
P<*)))><
[Edited on 29-9-2006 by Paulina]
bajalera - 9-30-2006 at 01:45 PM
From Harper's August 2006 Index:
"Price, from a North Carolina Company, for a charcoal-filled seat cushion that absorbs the odor of flatulence: $21.95
Diver - 9-30-2006 at 05:28 PM
Now that you're on to farts;
One of my first trips down in college, there were 4 guys and one girl packed into a '64 Chev heading down the road. We drive into the evening heading
for Ensenada and things finally get quiet.
With sudden fury, someone's supernatural fart gases reached our noses.
"Euww", I said, "who did that ? open a window". In turn, each of the guys responded in kind, leaving the redfaced young lady in the back seat very
silent.
.
I HAVE ONE OF THOSE!!!
M - 9-30-2006 at 05:41 PM
It was one of the best $20 I have ever spent! A remote controlled fart machine. I put sticky clay on the back of mine and then I stuck it under
chairs. I had my mom, stepdad and some other friends over for dinner one night, Jack, (my stepdad) is a typical Texan smartass who has played numerous
jokes on all in our family over the years.
Everybody was enjoying dinner, then at a pause in the conversation, I let one rip from Jack's chair. He thought it was my mom and my mom KNEW it was
him. Nobody else said anything. After a few minutes, I let loose another one, and mom let loose with her elbow in Jack's ribs! I was doing my best to
keep a straight face but was loosing that battle. Jack looked over at me and I gave him a dirty look, which actually covered for my facial
contortions. I waited till desert to let it loose again, and it was the loudest! Everybody is giving everybody dirty looks, but still nobody said
anything. I was amazed. It wasn't untill I was in the kitchen and I hit that button 3 times. John, one of our friends jumped back from the table and
said Jesus Jack! WHAT is your problem! Jack had no idea and HE thought it was somebody else. I thought my jig was up so I hit the button a couple more
times and this time EVERYBODY jumped up from the table. (I was peeing myself in the kitchen). Everybody was doing the "I thought you did it", "no I
thought John did it", No,No, it's JACK....or Jan...
I lost it at this point and was ROTFLMAO! Maybe I'll bring it on the baja cactus bus...
TMW - 10-1-2006 at 08:58 AM
M, that's a really good one. You had me in tears.
baitcast - 10-1-2006 at 09:04 AM
It was a nice warm day,cool breeze coming off the water
and I and the wife were taking a little noon day nap,under
Papa,s cabana life was good,I was nearly asleep when my wife tapped me on the shoulder and said" someone is coming
wake up.
I turned to see a group of horsemen heading straight
into camp,six on horseback and one in a jeep,all of them were armed to the teeth
a very tough looking bunch to say the least,where can I hide the wife and kids? what should I do?
It was in the mid sixties and there was,nt much traffic in those days so this was very uncommon,they came right up to our camp,I,m sure
they could see how uneasy
I was,I couldn,t understand a word they saying so I just smiled.
About this time PaPa came out of his place and started talking to the guys,It seems they were looking for
some guy who had been stealing stuff,and had beaten some
guy nearly to death in Puertcitos,and then I heard one say in
perfect english "and we don,t need no stinking badges" it took me a min. to realilize what he had said then it was laughs all the way around and the
world was good again.
BAITCAST
For M and TW
Paulina - 10-1-2006 at 01:50 PM
Why not make your halloween a gas! Also available in adult sizes.....
Both of your posts had me in tears!
Diver - 10-1-2006 at 02:14 PM
But Paulina, have you ever tried getting a fart into one of those things ?!
oops, needed my glasses to see the kid face.
Actually, I have lots of clothes that work like that !!
.
[Edited on 10-1-2006 by Diver]
Phil S - 10-1-2006 at 07:44 PM
The best I thought was the blond that was so upset, because she got stuck on an escalater for two hours until the electricity came back on!!!!!
jerry - 10-1-2006 at 09:26 PM
my friend has sleep apnea and sleeps with a mask with a mechine that pressures his air intake to stop his airway from closing off
anyway he got a new 5th wheel with all the bells and whistels whent (camping) the mechine intake was on the floor so were the dogs one dog fart and
the camping trip was fouled he spit and sputtered for 3 days lol
