BajaNomad

Quinceneres ?

pokey - 7-25-2005 at 11:21 AM

We got a phone call this morning asking if we'd be willing to sponsor my nieces 15th birthday. I know this is a Mexican custom But I have no idea what it it involves?...I'd love to help but I feel like I'm gonna be paying for a wedding party

[Edited on 7-25-2005 by pokey]

pokey - 7-25-2005 at 12:16 PM

I know it's probably impossible to estimate but can I get away with spending less than $500 on this? Would it be rude to set my price limit at that? The cost of the land is really gonna wipe us out and we don't have a whole lot of cash to be spending on birthdays. It's been a hell of a week financially speaking..........

bajalou - 7-25-2005 at 12:19 PM

Many mexican families spend more on this than on a wedding - it's about the biggest thing they do.



:O

Oso - 7-25-2005 at 01:12 PM

First, it's a Quincea?era. Second, it is the responsibility of the girl's father to pay for the bulk of the expenses; renting a hall if it's going to be that big, music, food or at least the main entree and "beverages", and of course the dress.

Second, depending on the family's economic situation, most parents seek help from MANY sponsors among friends and family in order to spread the expense around. These sponsors are called "padrinos" and "madrinas" although not the formal godparents. For example, Aunt Rosa might be the "Madrina de Decoraciones". Uncle Tom?s, who owns a good camera, might be the "Padrino de Fotos", and so on.

You can agree to be "A" sponsor without being "THE" sponsor. You just have to be clear and specific as to what part you are willing to handle.

comitan - 7-25-2005 at 01:35 PM

pokey

Since its your wife and she is Mexican and its her family and she knows your finances she should know how to handle the situation!!!!

Dave - 7-25-2005 at 02:05 PM

Quote:
Originally posted by Hose A
Some examples..all of which are my wifes relatives.

1. Nephew asked me to give him $50,000.00 pesos for a trip to Spain to study SPANISH.

2. Niece asked me to pay for her baby's 1st birthday and the 2nd and the 3rd.

3. Brother asked for $25,000.00 pesos to buy a car.

4. Sister asked for $15,000.00 pesos to pay back electric bills.

5. Son asked for $20,000.00 pesos to buy a car.

6. Son asked for $10,000.00 to buy a computer.

7. Son asked for 10,000.00 to pay back traffic fines.

8. Father asked me to rent and pay the expense for him a house so he would not have live with his daughter.

This list could go on ...


Hose A, would you consider adoption? I would be proud to call you daddy.;D

comitan - 7-25-2005 at 03:15 PM

:rolleyes::rolleyes::rolleyes:

Bruce R Leech - 7-25-2005 at 03:28 PM

Listen to Hose A
Listen to Hose A
Listen to Hose A
Listen to Hose A
Listen to Hose A
Listen to Hose A
Listen to Hose A

Listen to Oso

Keri - 7-25-2005 at 04:32 PM

Find out first what they want you to sponsor. I have done table decorations, Flowers and part of the money for beer . as Oso said this is custom in Mexico to get sponsors for different things. They usually even have a list you can pick from.. Find out before you turn them down If they expect you to be the whole ticket. Then say no. By the way I think $500.00 would be way out of line as a sponsor.Maybe $50. to a $100. They will be asking lots of people. Make sure you attend. it is a great fiesta,k:yes::):yes:

cranky - 7-25-2005 at 04:48 PM

Pokey this is a big thing in Mexico and will be how they look at you in the future. What Keri has to say is the right way to go. Cranky

pokey - 7-25-2005 at 05:07 PM

Actually.... this hasn't turned out half as bad as I thought it would. I talked to my brother in-law and he asked if I could pay half for the hall rental everything would be cool. If the beer is free I should brake even on the deal:P

Dave - 7-25-2005 at 05:11 PM

Quote:
Originally posted by Hose A
Son.
I did not say they all got what they asked for.
Most got none.
Some got a little.
Some got my 50 cent lecture on the value of getting a job and paying their own way in life.:biggrin:

I will say my first year was an expensive learning process.


How about a one year trial relationship....Dad?

Dave

Baja Bernie - 7-25-2005 at 05:37 PM

you are so bad. Perhaps you should contact Yankee about doing San Fransico--in style.

Hose A really got burned and I will say that half of what he says, mixed with what Oso brings to the table and dusted with the reality that Keri blesses us all with and you have a good 15th birthday (coming out) party. One of the most important celebrations of the many in Mexico.
Not to many salutes and a few more dances and a bunch of holey's(what) and everyone goes home horney and happy!

And full of Love!

This is my Baja!

Oso - 7-25-2005 at 07:37 PM

Quote:
Originally posted by pokey
If the beer is free I should brake even on the deal:P


Well, SOMEBODY'S gotta pay for it. But "cash bar" is NOT a Mexican custom. You do your part upfront, plus a gift for the girl. But the only time you need cash at a Mexican family celebration is a wedding reception where male guests are expected to pin money to the bride's dress before dancing once around the floor with her. This is a form of "dowry" that provides some "mad money" for the couple for their honeymoon. I once saw a letter to Ann Landers asking about this. Ann told the writer to go to the reception but leave his money at home. Really bad advice from a bitter old divorcee who had no idea what she was talking about. (out of the side of her mouth)

A few years ago, while returning north, we stopped at San Ignacio for the night...

Mexray - 7-25-2005 at 08:19 PM

...we went into 'town' for dinner, parked on the plaza and walked up the hill for dinner. When we were finished, our host asked if we were going the the Quincea?era on the plaza, that would begin at about 9PM, as I recall...

When we returned to the plaza, many tables had been decorated, a band had arrived, and they were setting up their stuff. A friendly cerveza vendor had doused dozens of nectar-filled cans into vats of ice water!

We were the only gringos around, yet everyone, smiled and asked us to join the party as it got into gear! Small children in their 'Sunday Best' dud's jumped an played around the plaza. We never did find out who's daughter was 'coming-out', but there were lots and lots of people arriving from everywhere - cowpokes wearing their best shirts and smart looking hats and boots, young women in their classiest garb, Madres and Padres in smart dresses and fancy dress jackets.

After the precession and presentation of the young lady, changing of her shoes, and some dances with her escort, the party began to get into full swing! You could hear the band for miles, with their many mega-speakers blaring across the plaza, and echoing against the mission - what a grand party! We were able to pass along a small contirbution to the young lady's party - but I think we were all the 'richer' for being there, on that night!

As I mentioned, we total strangers were invited to have some drinks and tour the dance floor! We enjoyed the way the 'available' young ladies would walk together, clock-wise around the plaza sidewalk, and the 'available' young men would walk in the other direction to gain recoginization...of course, many would lean next to their pick ups and do their flirting in a more non-chalant way...

It was our first introduction to a 'real' Baja California Quincea?era, happened upon by chance , and is just another great example of the joys we have when visiting such a great land!

Thank you, wonderful people of San Ignacio, for such a great Saturday night!

[Edited on 7-26-2005 by Mexray]

Bajalero - 7-25-2005 at 08:24 PM

Quote:
Originally posted by pokey
I know it's probably impossible to estimate but can I get away with spending less than $500 on this? Would it be rude to set my price limit at that? The cost of the land is really gonna wipe us out and we don't have a whole lot of cash to be spending on birthdays. It's been a hell of a week financially speaking..........


1st. Q. =no
2nd Q. =yes/

Unless you have substantial funds to go all out it will definitely be considered an insult because you have already achieved the status of being "moneyed" or they wouldn't have asked in the first place. This is with out a doubt the most important event (and probably the last fun one ) for this young girl

lindsay - 7-26-2005 at 09:53 PM

Based on what my daughter's tia describes, I would offer to be a sponsor for some part of the party as others suggested. Sara's tia was sweating bullets about the expenses for her daughter last year as she turned 15 in October so it meant a huge expense right before the Christmas/New Year's holidays. As I read this thread, I could hear tia lamenting the food, alcohol, clothing, tables, decorations, etc, etc cash drain on her family.

As the date drew nearly, she was relieved when her daughter decided she would really rather have her own room in the house so she, the teenager soon to be young lady, did not have to share a room with two single digit-agers. Fortunately, this was relatively easy since there are three separate guest rooms on the side of the house which are rented out (if you ever need a comfortable & convenient spot to stay at in town, it's a great location. Across the street from the downtown church...opps, sounding like an ad to go on the Rental spot of the forum...will do later). So, daughter took door #2 (literally) and her parents were off the hook with the room prize. There are still two roooms available and daughter has her hideway with private bath. In Mulege, this set-up makes her spot a popular stop by. I respect her decision. One night when I was visiting after her birthday, we sat in the patio on the steps between her room and mine. She told me that she'd already been to so many of these parties and she knew how much money and time it would be for her parents. She was happy to have her own room, a place that was a teen sanctuary and wired with the internet...she, like so many other kids, was in heaven being able to IM her friends that had left Mulege for new horizons like La Paz, Hermosillo, Ensenada, TJ and San Diego. It was interesting to hear her practical voice in a place so connected to this tradition still.

So, good luck with the party and do what you feel comfortable with...

So, as a gringo.....

Hook - 7-26-2005 at 10:16 PM

.....with no daughters, can someone explain the significance of the quincenera?

Is it the occasion where she rates her own bedroom in the household?

Is it her social "coming-out" party that tells the town she is able to date? Able to marry? Able to, gulp, well......no, that can't be in such a parochial society.

What's is all about and from where are it's roots seated?

Dave - 7-26-2005 at 11:34 PM

Quote:
Originally posted by Hook
.....with no daughters, can someone explain the significance of the quincenera?

Is it the occasion where she rates her own bedroom in the household?

Is it her social "coming-out" party that tells the town she is able to date? Able to marry? Able to, gulp, well......no, that can't be in such a parochial society.

What's is all about and from where are it's roots seated?



It's like a bat mitzvah except there isn't any chopped liver or pickled herring on the buffet and the guys don't wear little beanies. Otherwise, it's basically the same thing.

Oso - 7-27-2005 at 04:58 PM

Hook, I was going to mention the Debutante's Ball in WASP society, but Dave is closer to the mark with Bat Mitzvah because there is a religious component. It is essentially the formal transition from childhood to womanhood and yes, it does mean she can now receive suitors for her hand in marriage.

On that note, when I mentioned "the dress", I should have said "dresses". She needs a white lace one for the church ceremony that day and another "sophisticated" grown-up type evening gown for the party later. If it's a full blow-out, her friends need gowns and their escorts, the Chabelanes, may even rent tuxes. Or at least wear suits.

I have to admit I was somewhat relieved to escape this. We moved from California to North Carolina shortly after my daughter's 14th birthday. When her 15th rolled around, most of her friends were black or white but few were brown. (That was early 80's, it's different now) Anyway, the cultural pressure wasn't there and few people would know what it was all about, so she decided she?d rather wait for a car at 16.

We did have a pretty good pachanga for her 14th as we knew we were leaving soon and wanted a big goodbye for our mostly Chicano friends. I got a keg and dug the traditional hole in the backyard to roast the traditional goat. A not-entirely-stable biker friend assured me he could get a good price on a goat and I should leave that up to him. The evening before the party, the hole was ready, half filled with cordwood, bricks etc, the sheet of roofing tin ready to cover it. Then my idiot bud shows up with the goat, an all-white neutered Billy- alive.

Well, my daughter and several of her little friends saw it. Ni modo, this was not a package of meat. This was a cute, darling, cuddly, refugee from a petting zoo. There was no way that gang of 14 yr-olds was going to let me slaughter it. I had to scramble to put together some beef, pork and venison from friends' freezers to fill the washtub with something other than goat. We got the fire going down to coals, hung the washtub over it from some pipes, covered it with the tin and a couple feet of dirt and I and a few male friends (This is an important part of the ritual.) sat around all night, passing a bottle of tequila and "tending" the fire.

Next day, my enterprising daughter and friends (having been informed there was no way the damned goat was going to NC with us) made up raffle tickets and went around extorting all the guests for a couple of bucks for a chance to win the goat. Everyone participated good-naturedly, praying under their breath that they wouldn't win it.

The happy ending: The main dish came out pretty good anyway and some friends of ours with young kids and a one acre lot in Oceano, won the goat and kept it for a pet.