BajaNomad

Differences

Mike Humfreville - 9-8-2005 at 10:26 PM

It was the end of the trip and the fishing had been great and that last night we cooked the shared dinner between the motor homes and campfires, tossed back a few cold ones and the ladies blended margaritas in tall long-stemmed tapered glasses with water condensing on the glass as they drank and everything was at peace. We knew there was a long drive in the morning, back to the grunge it was.

We?d had our share of problems over the life of the trip, fishing fouls in small boats, decisions about who camped next to whom, arguments between the children, disturbances caused by the extreme heat of the day or events inflated by too many drinks late in the evening. But we had been friends for a long time, lifetimes it sometimes seemed.

We knew the wrinkles of each others nature, knew how to get to each other with humor and sometimes spite. Occasionally a little mean spirit slipped in the cracks and there was a mild, brief up-flaring between individuals. But we never let it turn to animosity. In a sense we were family. We all had a place, a value and knew it.

Sometimes we found discord, a lack of harmony between us but we always found our way through those times. Sometimes when I think back about my old pals, friends I had shared military service with, shared the responsibilities, the loves and hurts of raising children, of problems in the workplace, of individualities in the roads we traveled, we shared, I don?t quite know what held us together. Maybe it was easier to hang together than to not. But as time grew, understanding and empathy grew too.

When I share so many events with my friends, my family over so many years somehow I just find myself, knowing the other, having enough respect to offset any lack of understanding I may feel momentarily, to live and let live, to give up on the idea of perfection in relationships. Maybe perfection is the acceptance of difference. Sometimes the rougher the road the closer you feel to each other.

Certainly there are those in my proximity that I don?t care for. Some I despise. But they will never be close to me and I don?t have to try and put them in what I perceive to be their place. They already know it. Besides, it?s so much more pleasurable to find a place where I can achieve my rest position without having the need to defend myself from those who have little or no understanding of where I?m coming from.

The fires in camp burned down. We were out of wood and there never was a true need for campfires anyway. We slept.

The road home the next morning was long and winding. Potholes occasionally lay strewn across the pavement, dust flying as we drove through them. We were in several trucks but had driven so many miles together that we each knew the idiosyncrasies of the others habits. We dealt with those differences. As our trip continued, our friendships continued, eventually finding the strength to care for each other because of our differences.

bajaden - 9-9-2005 at 10:46 AM

Well said. We could use a little of that on this board.

That's true

Mike Humfreville - 9-9-2005 at 03:45 PM

Lets just hope for the best.

Thanks for reading.

Mike

Baja Bernie - 9-9-2005 at 08:43 PM

How is your book coming?

Mike Humfreville - 9-9-2005 at 09:52 PM

Book is into second edit, making decisions on title and cover and page layout. I respect Sunbelt Publications. While I know there are others, Sunbelt is doing a good job. Book should be available for Christmas season. Thanks for asking Bernie.

Regarding the point of this thread, I had YET ANOTHER thought tonight after a minor tiff with my friend: Friendship is where I'd rather see my friend win than me. Yet another late night thought.

RJM - 9-9-2005 at 10:47 PM

Mike,
Just another word of encouragement; your writing skills are awesome and I wish you the very best with your new book. You have a way of word smithing a story that is unique and easy to follow. You truly have a way of painting a picture with words that can only lead to something valuable if you continue to let yourself go. I was going to tell you to use your talent to tell your stories and not fight with the recalcitrants on this forum. But I won't; because I already know that you use this medium to hone your skills as a story teller and not as an antagonist. Keep the good stories coming.


[Edited on 9-10-2005 by RJM]

jeans - 9-10-2005 at 08:39 AM

Mike,

I'm so glad that the book will be ready soon. My mother loves your writings. I save the installments and take it to her as a whole.

This story reminded me of something I read 35 years ago and sent me scurrying to the bookshelf for my copy of The Egg & I by Betty MacDonald. This was the book that gave us the characters Ma & Pa Kettle (That will date some of us).

On the subject of friendship:

"Men are so much less demanding in friendships. A woman wants her friends to be prefect. She sets a pattern, usually a reasonable facsimile of herself, lays a friend out on this pattern and worries and prods at any little qualities which do not coincide with her own image. She simply won?t be bothered with anything less than 90 % congruity, and will accept the 90% only if the other 10% is shaping up nicely and promises accurate conformity within a short time. Friends with glaring lumps of unsmoothable rough places are cast off like ill-fitting garments and even if this means that the woman has no friends at all, she seems happier than with some imperfect being for whom she would have to make allowances.

A man has a friend, period. He may acquire this particular friend because they both like to hunt ducks. The fact that the friend discourses entirely in four letter words, very seldom washes, chews tobacco and spits an random, is drunk a good deal of the time and hates women, in no way affects the friendship. If the man notices these flaws in the perfection of his friend, he notices them casually as he does his friend?s height, the color of his eyes, the width of his shoulders; and the friendship continues at an even temperature for years and years and years."

Baja Bernie - 9-10-2005 at 11:47 AM

Quote:
Originally posted by jeans
Mike,


A man has a friend, period. He may acquire this particular friend because they both like to hunt ducks. The fact that the friend discourses entirely in four letter words, very seldom washes, chews tobacco and spits an random, is drunk a good deal of the time and hates women, in no way affects the friendship. If the man notices these flaws in the perfection of his friend, he notices them casually as he does his friend?s height, the color of his eyes, the width of his shoulders; and the friendship continues at an even temperature for years and years and years."


Jeans--this really does say it all about friendship among men--at least the vast majority that I know.

Thanks for the perspective and please note we can even accept the rare 'perfect' man. We often also look into his heart and values before bestowing our friendship and then we ignore all that other minor stuff.

David K - 9-10-2005 at 12:00 PM

I am so happy for you Mike! I hope the best for you and your book... what a great accomplishment... sort of a phoenix! As your years of Baja photos were destroyed in your house fire, the way to preserve the memories were to put them on paper. You have done a wonderful job as your writing skills are powerful. You make words into feelings! I write in black and white, but you write 'in color'... I can't wait for you to autograph my copy!
David




[Edited on 9-10-2005 by David K]

jeans - 9-10-2005 at 12:07 PM

Quote:
Originally posted by Baja Bernie
Thanks for the perspective and please note we can even accept the rare 'perfect' man.


There is such a thing???? Where?
:lol:

Skipjack Joe - 9-11-2005 at 04:21 AM

Quote:
Originally posted by jeans


A man has a friend, period. He may acquire this particular friend because they both like to hunt ducks. The fact that the friend discourses entirely in four letter words, very seldom washes, chews tobacco and spits an random, is drunk a good deal of the time and hates women, in no way affects the friendship. If the man notices these flaws in the perfection of his friend, he notices them casually as he does his friend?s height, the color of his eyes, the width of his shoulders; and the friendship continues at an even temperature for years and years and years."



This is an unfair, almost vulgar stereotype of men. The sort that feminists accuse men of. One of the problems with feminists is that they seem to be just as misogynistic as the men they ridicule in their 'cause'.

Santiago - 9-11-2005 at 06:02 AM

Quote:




Now this has got to be one of the most unused maps in Baja...... ;-)

jeans - 9-11-2005 at 11:24 AM

Quote:
Originally posted by Skipjack Joe
This is an unfair, almost vulgar stereotype of men. The sort that feminists accuse men of. One of the problems with feminists is that they seem to be just as misogynistic as the men they ridicule in their 'cause'.


You may have noticed that I included the female side of the stereotype as well, which I do not think applies to me at all. I can identify and relate with the concept, but am secure enough not to be offended by it.

I should have mentioned that this was written years after the fact in 1945, long before the term "feminists" and the resulting male/female backlash that started gender wars.

I think that you may agree that stereotypes across the board all spring from a grain of truth about human nature that gets magnified beyond reason.

Betty wrote that passage in her non-fiction book as a way to explain (to herself more than anything else, probably) the bonding her very thoughtful, caring husband had formed with men who made her skin crawl. This was in the remote wilds of the Olympic Peninsula.

I hope this provides some context....

Thanks for the kind words

Mike Humfreville - 9-11-2005 at 07:06 PM

and jeans, your mother was a success. It'd be a hell of a boring world if we were all the same.

jeans - 9-11-2005 at 07:49 PM

Quote:
Originally posted by Mike Humfreville
and jeans, your mother was a success. It'd be a hell of a boring world if we were all the same.


Well...now she says, "Not that different!" :lol:

Skipjack Joe - 9-12-2005 at 03:08 AM

Quote:
Originally posted by David K
I am so happy for you Mike! I hope the best for you and your book... what a great accomplishment... sort of a phoenix! As your years of Baja photos were destroyed in your house fire, the way to preserve the memories were to put them on paper. You have done a wonderful job as your writing skills are powerful. You make words into feelings! I write in black and white, but you write 'in color'... I can't wait for you to autograph my copy!
David




[Edited on 9-10-2005 by David K]


David,

This is a wonderful portrait of Mike Humpreyville!

Although I don't know the man except for the posts and writings I read on baja discussions I feel that this image captures the nature of the man. To me, it's a revealing image. I like it.

All right I will stick my neck out: there is a sense of vulnerability, spirituality, and naivete in that expression.

Skipjack

David K - 9-12-2005 at 07:25 AM

Thanks, it was either taken by Bedman or BajaMur as they both were photograhing at Viva Baja #3 when that was taken (Feb. 2002).
Most of the photos I have of Mike Humfreville are with his glasses on... and his eyes are not as easily seen.

Here is my favorite that I took on July 4, 2001 at Las Flores...



and here is the old man of the sea with his catch at Camp Gecko, July, 2003...

David K - 9-12-2005 at 05:06 PM

I think this is the most recent photo showing Mary Ann & Mike Humfreville, and 'elgatoloco' (Matt)... The Pyramid Resort Book Signing Event 4-05...




[Edited on 9-13-2005 by David K]