BajaNews - 4-9-2006 at 10:21 AM
http://www.ocregister.com/ocregister/life/homepage/article_1...
It's more about cutting loose than losing yourself in another culture.
By SPUD HILTON
April 9, 2006
By midnight, the party on the Aloha Deck on the Diamond Princess was jamming across the Sea of Cortez at 20 knots faster than the ship itself. Mai
tais rose and fell with the ocean, the band provided rock to match the roll and, as I watched the rowdy partiers at the railings, my thoughts turned
to culture: Is an authentic Mexican fiesta supposed to have male strippers?
Another nuance, I guess, to the true meaning of "Love Boat."
There isn't much real Mexico on cruise ships these days - little entertainment, less cuisine and virtually no exposure to the culture, unless you
include margarita drink specials.
But what the ships lack in Mexicana, the cruise lines are busy trying to make up in frequency, sending a growing number of large ships to Pacific
ports south of the border.
Almost every major line has joined the southern migration, including Princess, which not only started 40 years ago with one ship on the Mexican
Riviera, but also introduced the route to millions of viewers each week during nine years of "The Love Boat" episodes.
I was drawn aboard the Diamond Princess, the company's largest and one of its newest, to find out if there's anything "exciting and new" to love about
Mexico's Pacific coast on a ship that, if you believe the show's old theme song, has "something for everyone."
CHOICE POSITIONS
The boom in the Mexican Riviera's cruise traffic has less to do with Mexico's culture than its geographic position.
For a couple of decades, most of the Alaska cruise fleet repositioned back to the Caribbean or Hawaii in the fall, leaving only a handful of ships to
ply Baja and southern Mexico.
Now, a glut of ships in the Caribbean, more vessels in Alaska during summer and more competition in Hawaii has convinced a few of the big lines to
keep more ships on the West Coast during fall, winter and spring. It's still not much traffic by Caribbean standards, but it's growing - 42 percent
more beds in 2004 over the previous year and almost double the ships since two years ago. It means more choices and, sometimes, a decent deal.
It's not the easiest sell: The glamour of Mexico's most well-known western ports has faded, replaced by tourism based on local history and
zonasdedicated to shopping and partying. (Several "comprehensive" books on cruising, including "Cruise Vacations for Dummies," make no mention of Cabo
San Lucas, Puerto Vallarta or any part of Mexico outside the Yucat?n Peninsula.) Some of the old magic is still there, however, along with some new
diversions.
Also, it seems there are some advantages to spending fall, winter and spring here instead of in the Caribbean: shorter flights for West Coasters, less
humidity and fewer New Yorkers, to name a few. If that's not enough incentive to shift away from the Caribbean, how about two words - hurricane
season.
Apparently, Princess has enough faith in the route to put its two newest and biggest ships, Diamond and Sapphire (2,670 passengers each), on runs out
of Los Angeles and San Francisco during the season. In fall, the company adds a third ship, based in San Diego.
NEW CAST AND CREW
The $500 million Diamond (about twice the cost of San Francisco's AT&T Park) looks like a snowy skyscraper upended intact, and is as long from bow
to stern (952 feet) as the drop from the top of Yosemite's Bridalveil Fall.Diamond and its twin sister, Sapphire, both born and christened in a
shipyard in Nagasaki, Japan, are the queens of Princess, the fleet's glossy centerfolds whose turn-ons include a British accent and long moonlit sails
through Mexican waters.
Diamond's sleek, shark-nosed bow is in contrast to its flat-backed stern, a Princess trademark - thankfully, though, designers removed the unfortunate
bridge-like nightclub that hangs over the stern on many of the company's ships and makes them look like shopping carts. (Fun fact: According to the
captain, the enormous jet-engine-shaped pods that flank the funnel of this and several other Princess ships do absolutely nothing.)
If the ship is a city, Decks 6 and 7 (Fiesta and Promenade) are the lively downtown, with the main restaurants and shops. The public parks and pools
and casual cafes are on Deck 12 (Lido), and the promenade on Deck 7 is the municipal bike trail, only without the bikes. (We were secretly hoping for
scooter rentals, but alas.)
If this ship is the Love Boat, Capt. Stubing has been replaced by cheerful Capt. Bernard Warner, the very model of a modern major ship captain, whose
announcements resembled BBC newscasts. (It should be noted that Diamond Princess holds four times the passengers and crew of the original Pacific
Princess and Island Princess, on which most episodes were filmed. Capt. Warner was second officer aboard Island Princess during some of the filming.)
Cruise director Julie is now a stout British subject named Trevor (whose entertainment staff I nicknamed the Perky Brit Squad); there are about 20
Gophers, some of them Romanian; and bartender Isaac is now a short Mexican woman named Sai.
INTO THE JUNGLE
To see some of Mexico we of course needed to leave the ship. There's an unwritten rule that transportation to and from an "adventure" excursion must
be at least half as thrilling as the adventure itself, and the jungle canopy zip-line tour in Puerto Vallarta was far from the exception. The ride
into the mountains on a weary open-sided army transport, past washed-out bridges and over one-lane mountain roads, convinced me that being suspended
from a clothesline like so much wash, eight stories above the ground, couldn't be that bad after all.
Puerto Vallarta's star-struck past, when it was Hollywood's love nest after Richard Burton and Liz Taylor trysted here during filming of "Night of the
Iguana," has faded like a photo left in the tropical sun. To fill the void, tourism has turned adventurous - snorkeling, hiking, whale-watching,
mountain-biking and assorted eco-this and that, much as in Costa Rica or Panama.
Which is why, an hour or so after leaving the ship, I was hugging the side of a giant ficus 80 feet off the jungle floor, wearing 10 pounds of
pulleys, carabiners and assorted gadgets on a harness that was intended to do with three straps what a hammock does with hundreds. As one of the
guides with Vallarta Adventures hooked my pulley to a rubbery zip line that ended somewhere in the trees 300 feet away, I tried to make conversation.
"Will this helmet protect me if I fall?"
He chortled. "Very funny, se?or. Vaya con Dios," he said, and let go of the pulley, sending me zipping off into the leafy abyss.
It was as if we'd joined the trapeze team of a Mexican circus, only the clowns were our instructors, using humor to divert attention from the
ridiculous height and the speed with which we zipped among more than a dozen tree platforms.
By the time we reached Big Daddy, a line spanning 600 feet, I'd learned that yelling a specific phrase on a zip line is supposed to bring good luck.
"What should I say?" I asked the still-chortling guide.
"?Qui?n es tu pap??" was his suggestion, which I understood from a recent Spanish class to mean, roughly, "Who's your daddy?"
Now that's absorbing local culture.
STANDARD FUN
In Club Fusion, a techno-heavy lounge/dance club with more decor influences than Hearst Castle, one of the Perky Brit Squad members called out, "Bee
four. Not after, but ..."
"Bingo."
The symphony of groans drowned out the winners' laughter and men at a table nearby raised green plastic tumblers and toasted the loss. The winning
number - or losing number for most of us - beamed from 42 flat-screen monitors around the room, as well from a bank of televisions behind the dance
floor.
I'd never been so technologically defeated at bingo before.
In most ways that matter, life on board Diamond Princess is pretty standard. We soaked up the mandatory cruise culture while sunning by most of the
four pools (the one in the conservatory has a sliding glass roof); dabbling in paddle tennis and miniature golf on the sports decks; sampling
margaritas in Skywalkers nightclub and, ahem, several other bars; clicking our way through the Internet cafe, which unlike on most ships, actually has
a cafe; and catching the two Vegas-style stage shows, which were creative and original enough to make up for some weak dancing.
Not so standard is the dining setup under Princess' Personal Choice program. Along with the International Dining Room, for traditional, assigned
seating, there are four themed "anytime" dining rooms - Vivaldi, Sterling, Pacific Moon and Santa Fe - each half as big as the International and all
at no extra cost. (Be aware that "anytime dining" means any time you made a reservation a day or two in advance. Otherwise, expect to wait.)
Club Fusion is probably the best place to sit and let the action come to you, including bingo, karaoke, nightly dancing to live music, line-dancing
lessons and Princess Idol, a knockoff of the TV show-contest that displayed some surprising talent. Fusion also held surprises: A stairway behind the
dance floor led to the little-known Wakeview Bar, and a few video-poker machines, my first experience with slots located somewhere other than the
ship's casino.
Less impressive was the service in the stylish and exclusive Trattoria Sabatini where the 16-course dinner (an extra $20 per person) was above
average. Even with the advance notice that the meal takes 2-1/2 hours, we could have timed courses with a Mayan calendar. (A waiter took our drink
order 18 minutes after we sat down, and served them 12 minutes later.)
Also, there are a minimum of 1,437 ways to spend money onboard, at least 1,300 of them involving crushed ice and a little paper parasol, but there is
only one way to check your balance during the week - at the purser's desk. A ship this new and with this many alternative restaurants should have
interactive television in the cabins for booking excursions, making reservations and checking your balance.
And while there was little that stuck out as extraordinary or jaw-dropping, our complaints were minor - it's a big ship, built for fun and relaxing,
and there seemed to be plenty of opportunity for both.
ESCAPING TO CABO
Of the Mexican Riviera ports, Puerto Vallarta and Mazatl?n are fusions of centuries-old cities founded on mission sites with modern adaptations to
North American tourism of one kind or another.
Mazatl?n, which apparently is an ancient Aztec name that translates as "Sea of Taxi Drivers," offered a well-worn working town, with most of its
surreal side isolated away from the Old Mazatl?n area. We toured the seemingly endless beach; the Pacifico beer statue (the top of a brewing tank
sticking out of the cement on the Malec?n); and the touristy Zona Dorada (think Fisherman's Wharf with a Se?or Frog's and cheaper trinkets); as well
as Rock Island and miles of residential neighborhoods.
But like Zihuatanejo and Acapulco farther south, Cabo San Lucas was little more than a fishing village before it was converted to a condo capital in
the '60s and '70s.
As our tender cut through the waves on Bah?a San Lucas, it was easy to see that Cabo San Lucas, its shores studded with upscale resorts, has
experienced a little fusion itself. On our second visit in two years, we noticed a host of improvements and construction projects, including the
installation of Spanish tiles the length of the promenade that leads from the tender pier to downtown.
Cabo's trio of pleasures includes accessible natural beauty, a host of places for those who worship at the altar of shopping and 1,001 nights of party
possibilities. My wife, Ann, and I had already spent a little time at the clich?d-but-still-remarkable Lover's Beach - the Pacific on one side, the
Sea of Cortez on the other - and were toting several bags of glazed ceramic bowls, blue-rimmed Mexican glass tumblers and a few T-shirts extolling the
virtues of Cabo and malt beverages in general.
To complete the trifecta, we followed the Spanish tile along the harbor to the bustling downtown, where we were led, quite innocently, smack into the
patio seating of a restaurant with the copyright-dodging name Margaritavilla. While our waiter tried to explain the difference between bien and bueno,
we fed on shrimp and fish tacos and margaritas - a reminder of why, sometimes, you have to get off the ship.
CROSSING CULTURES
It doesn't take all week to figure out that, other than the ports, the voyage isn't very Mexican. There was a bowl of tortilla chips and guacamole on
our table the first night (representative of the Southwest cuisine in the Santa Fe dining room, it turned out), but beyond that there wasn't a trace
of Mexicana until the "Mexican Fiesta," which had a Brazilian conga line, dance music from the United States, games involving cross-dressing (British
Parliament) and line dancing (no culture in particular).
Should it take a U.N. proclamation to have a strolling guitarist, some ballet folkl?rico dancers or a small band of mariachis? At one point, after the
Mr. Sexy Legs Contest, I would have been happy with some historically Mexican games, especially the Mayan contest in which competitors attempt to
bounce a ball off their hips through a hoop - and at the end, the winning team is ritually sacrificed. Eventually, it occurred to me that maybe the
three Mexican ports are enough exposure: For better or worse, not everyone goes on vacation to become worldly, and cruising has a culture all its own.
Which is why, when asked at the not-so-Mexican Fiesta by one of the Perky Brits to be in the Mr. Diamond Princess Pageant, I let the cruise culture
take over.
Minutes later, a young bodybuilder and I, both already shirtless, strolled on stage to "The Stripper" under a hail of catcalls, most launched by women
"of a certain age" who I was guessing had left their prescription glasses back in their cabins. One of them held out a folded dollar bill.
?Qui?n es tu pap??
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Notes:
DIAMOND PRINCESS: The trip described is available through the end of April. Sister ship Sapphire Princess will pick up the itinerary in October
through April 2006. Fares range from $699 (per person, double occupancy) for a standard inside cabin to as much as $2,769 for a suite, depending time
of year. The ship leaves Saturdays from San Pedro. Call (800) 774-6237, or go to www.princess.com. Prices do not include taxes and port fees (about $60 per person), excursions, drinks and dinner in Trattoria Sabatini, an
alternative restaurant. There is an automatic gratuity system that adds $10 per person per day to your shipboard account; you can adjust the amount or
opt out at the purser's desk. You will pass into two other time zones during the course of the cruise, although it's not always clear if you're on
ship's time or local time. Check before timing your return to the ship.
OTHER SHIPS: The following is a small sampling of available trips similar to the one in the story. (Starting fares are per person, double occupancy,
not including taxes and fees ? typically $80 to $100 per person.)
? Carnival: Carnival Pride makes weekly round trips from Long Beach now through June and again in fall and winter. Fares start at $580.
? Disney Cruise Line: Magic will sail weekly round trips from Los Angeles from May through August (to correspond with Disneyland's 50th anniversary).
Fares start at $1,600.
? Holland America: Oosterdam sails weekly round trips out of San Diego through April and in the fall and winter. Fares start at $600.
? Norwegian Cruise Line: Norwegian Star sails weekly round trips out of Los Angeles now through April and again in fall and winter. Fares start at
$600.
? Royal Caribbean: Vision of the Seas makes weekly round trips out of Los Angeles now through May and in the fall and winter. Fares start at $500.