Originally posted by Miette
Great story fishbuck!
Did you know that according to my Mother and Patrick F. McManus, you can get an unmeasurable amount of mileage out of an empty gas tank using the
following technique:
When you are quite certain that you are riding on fumes, you need to lean towards the steering wheel, clutch the steering wheel in a death grip at ten
and two, and then begin to rock rhythmically from your waist in a forward and back motion. It helps to repeat over and over, "Come on! Come on!"
As you become more concerned about all the dire factors that running out of gas present, you can move into phase two:
Same position and phrase as above, but now you increase the rhythm and the force of the rocking movements. If you are doing this correctly you will
get a nice bounce off the seat back and the steering wheel; I recommend getting just a light bounce off the steering wheel, for rather obvious
reasons.
It also helps if beads of sweat pop out of your scalp and begin to trickle in all directions. The sweat that trickles into your eyes can cover the
fact that you might be involuntarily crying at this point. The sweat dripping down your back will keep your shirt sticking to your back instead of
slowing down your movement by sticking to the seat.
The voicing of "Come on!" will quite naturally turn into "Come On baby!" This will lead to the speaking of tongues eventually with variations
of "Baby, I said, Commmmmmmmmme Onnnnnnnnnnnn!" and then the whispered, pleading version, "come on come on. Then you will pass through the five stages of almost running out of gas:
* Denial (this isn't happening to me!)
* Anger (why is this happening to me?)
* Bargaining (I promise this will never happen again if...)
* Depression (I don't care anymore)
* Acceptance (I'm ready for whatever comes)
The third and final stage is notable by the fact that you are simply clutching the wheel and leaning forward and rigidly staring out the windshield.
You may or may not be capable of speech at this point. Your scalp, neck, upper back, lower back, and arm muscles will be spasmodic, and depending on
the length of time involved, the lactic acid burn will begin to make itself known.
If you are lucky, this is when the vision of the Gas Man will appear. Since you had been properly communing with nature just prior to your gas vision
quest, you rather easily found the Gas Man.
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