BajaNomad - I need some sensitive sort of translation help, por favor.

I need some sensitive sort of translation help, por favor.

Miette - 2-3-2009 at 08:14 AM

Hola, and Hi to everyone,

I have a friend (hmmm, that's what they all say ;^) -

but, no, really it's me - I have a delicate question...

Ahem, here goes,

How does one politely, yet firmly, say in Spanish -

Wait, now first, picture this, i am a lady, minding my own business, and I sometimes, well, many times when traveling, I wear a wedding band, on the appropriate finger so as to somewhat discourage chit-chat that I am , quite frankly, just not interested in at that particular moment.

So, there I am, once again, really, really, minding my own business; perhaps, a bit lost in thought (perhaps, actually lost, but I digress) and a Spanish-speaking male will pop up in my face and start heavily flirting with me. I point to the ring and mumble something about mi esposo, but all that just goes nowhere many times, and I get a bit flustered since I am just not doing anything, that I can perceive at any rate, that would give off any false signals that I am in need of company.

I think I might download a photo off the 'net of 8 children that sort of look like they could be related to me - and then a photo of some big, hulking macho-type sort of guy (with a couple of knife-fight looking scars), and pass this whole bunch off as my mi familia.

Anyone have any suggestions? Is there some body language that should go along with the reply? Is there some attitude (polite, maybe not-so-polite?) I should adopt when approached.

I mean there is a time and a place for everything, but sometime a lady just wants to sit and write postcards and letters in peace and quiet.

So, respectfully, I ask all of you that are much more fluent than I am, and much more familiar with local customs - what should I say? or do?

I have stopped smiling when I reply. Smiling seems to really create confusion, and the general wrong impression - hmmmmmmmmm...

Okay, I humbly await your suggestions.

k-rico - 2-3-2009 at 08:46 AM

You must be attractive, consider yourself lucky. I may have a solution. Would you like to meet for lunch and discuss it?

Or, try this: Gracias, eres muy guapo, pero soy una lesbiana. Tienes una hermana? :spingrin:

Paulina - 2-3-2009 at 08:49 AM

Good question. I like your photo idea. Then maybe you could tell the "gentleman" that you're expecting your husband to join you at any moment.

To give the apearance that I wasn't alone I used to keep a pair of my dad's work boots outside of my door, (he wore a size 13 EE) and a few items of mens clothing hanging on the line. Would be kind of hard to cart all that along with you though.

If someone would ask for my husband I would say that he's out fishing.

I'll be curious to hear some of the replies.

P<*)))>{

flyfishinPam - 2-3-2009 at 09:05 AM

"I am just not doing anything, that I can perceive at any rate, that would give off any false signals that I am in need of company."

You're a woman alone that is your crime and of course unsupervised you need company. I don't know where you are though, in the park, on the playa, in the library, in a bar, and how are you dressed...? Welcome to Mexico. Why would a woman want to be alone to do work or actually THINK on her own? that's just not possible!

good looking or not, sometimes one just wants peace and quiet and they don't want to be bothered. and its usually the most annoying ones that are the biggest pests in these case like the the timeshare salesmen.

try these:

"no me moleste" = don't bother me
"estoy occupado favor vayanse" = I am busy please go away
"no tengo interes" = I am not interested

these assume you want the pest to go away if that is the case. I do understand it is annoying. The ring and the photos won't work, a ring is just a ring very few married ladies here have those and a photo is just a piece of paper. If all else fails get up and leave, but don't say what k-rico suggests that will get you into trouble.

DENNIS - 2-3-2009 at 09:07 AM

Just throw on a set of bedroom eyes, lean a bit closer to his drooling face looking him straight in the eye, both if he has two, and in your most seductive voice say..."SIDA."

Oso - 2-3-2009 at 09:07 AM

"Lo siento, pero a mi me gustan las mujeres."

Natalie Ann - 2-3-2009 at 09:08 AM

Sometimes a little drool goes a long way....

Nena

edit: oooops, Dennis and I posted at same time.... I didn't mean his drooling eyes.....
I meant a little of her drool could work wonders. :lol:

[Edited on 2-3-2009 by Natalie Ann]

vandenberg - 2-3-2009 at 09:57 AM

Maybe....F..........k off !!!.... may work. Understood in many countries. :saint:

shari - 2-3-2009 at 10:02 AM

OH yeah...all too common scenario here...Pam is right...the idea here is that a woman alone NEEDS a man to guard her. Keep in mind that No means "not just now thanks but probably later...so keep trying". It's really hard but ya just have to be cold and hard..wipe that smile off your face and choose a phrase ...need to have several of em ready...like suggested here...NO ME MOLESTE (dont bug me) Quiero estar sola...and a very effective one they understand is "Mi esposo es MUY MUY zeloso y peligroso"(my husband is very very jelous and dangerous)...this usually works for me...you could even say esposo es mexicano...good luck and practise in the mirror being rude.

gnukid - 2-3-2009 at 10:21 AM

With all due respect consider that you may be projecting a bit, perhaps Mexican people in general are simply much nicer than you are accustomed to and more than likely someone chatting at you is simply chatting and minding their own business as well.

If a man were truly flirting he would say so in direct fashion and all you need to say no gracias.

I have quite a few female neighbors who seem to fall into the same thing, that is quite often imagining much more than is occurring, but I guess that's the fun part for some.

Try not to be so quick to assume the intentions of others and you will less likely to be feel uncomfortable, instead let the friendly communication be just that.

shari - 2-3-2009 at 10:52 AM

I used to smile and wave at everybody...before I married Juan...he explained in full to me that mexican women dont do that...it is considered flirting on our part girls...if you smile or wave, it is construed to be a come on...or at least a signal that you perhaps may entertain a man's attention. It really hard for me to do...not smile and wave but I must pay attention to local protocol as well...it is embarrasing for Juan that his wife is considered to be flirting with his buddies.
He makes a point that if I smile at a guy and later he comes on to me...Juan will have to "deal" with him...so mi esposo would rather NOT have to do that...thus I must be more careful at whom I smile. Living in another culture is very different...there are so many subtle things we dont see or understand. It used to bother me that Juan wanted to change my behavior...I'm ME and like me like that...but I now understand it from his point of view as the defending male. It's a jungle out there girls...practise your scowls.

ELINVESTIG8R - 2-3-2009 at 11:06 AM

After you nicely rebuff his advances a few times and he does not get the hint you could say something like...

1. "Largate a la hijo de su p..a madre."

a. [Get the "F" out of here you S.O.B.]

2. "Agarra la onda P-nche imbécil .

b. [Get a clue you "F"-ing imbecile]

3. "Estoy casado dejame en paz."

a. [I'm married leave me alone].

Say it all tobether.

Good Luck!

TonyC - 2-3-2009 at 11:19 AM

Refusals:

No, gracias. Estoy cansado. No thanks, I'm tired. pretty weak

Estoy esperando a alguien. I'm expecting someone. also weak

No, que le pasa? No, what's wrong you? Strong

Dejeme en paz! Leave me alone. To the point.

Larguese! Go away. Should work

Slang....No Mames, guey! Don't bug me, dude.

Don't forget to "mean mug'em" when you talk.

BajaGringo - 2-3-2009 at 11:33 AM

Simply say, "gracias, pero no me interesa". If he insists use the advice Dennis gave...

Miette - 2-5-2009 at 03:53 AM

First

My apologies for taking so long to reply.

I asked my question, and very unexpectedly,

I was unable to online and get back to this post until just this moment.

(I am still having problems so please bear with me.

For example, this is the second time

I am composing a reply - my first attempt disappeared

before my disbelieving eyes

just moments ago #^(

While I still have a working connection for the moment,

Let me say the following two things:

Please excuse me while I log off and get some extremely overdue sleep.

I have been awake and doing heavy, physical work, with only two brief breaks,

from

6:30am on Feb 4 to 2:30am on Feb. 5.

and -

I will return to this post and reply and/or comment on all of your responses.

I appreciate all the replies and comments, and I am always

pleasantly surprised and always impressed by the wisdom,

thoughtfulness, humor,

and good intentions of 99.9999999999% of the Nomadians.

Good Night and/or Good Morning!

(also I am going to amend my status, to make it a little more clear
that I am having some connectivity issues)

PS.

Dear Internet Gremlins

You know I am a terrible, terrible typist. This feeble attempt at a reply,

at this early hour, has consumed 30 minutes due to my lack of skills, but also

due to your voracious appetite.

Please, please Internet Gremlins - leave this reply alone!

lesliego - 5-2-2009 at 04:26 AM

What happened to dejame sola cabron?
voy a llamar mi esposo
tu no vas a querer a encontrar mi suegra

BajaGringo - 5-2-2009 at 10:38 AM

No te enojes, no hay pedo...

:lol:

CP - 5-2-2009 at 01:22 PM

I've noticed that a woman being married or a lesbian is a challenge rather than a deterrent to some macho dudes....
Ya just gotta be cold. It doesn't feel nice but it works.

oladulce - 5-2-2009 at 08:06 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by shari
I used to smile and wave at everybody...before I married Juan...he explained in full to me that mexican women dont do that...it is considered flirting on our part girls...

Quote:

Originally posted by CP
I've noticed that a woman being married...is a challenge rather than a deterrent to some macho dudes....
Ya just gotta be cold. It doesn't feel nice but it works.

Sheez, I smile and wave like i'm in a parade when i ride my moto on the dirt roads in town . I might be shy, but don't want to appear snotty. It sounds like snotty is the least of my concerns, and ****ty might be up there on the front burner!!!

This is very interesting .

Shari, do you think there's more focus on you because you're married to a local guy? Is there an age cutoff to this no waving/no smiling rule or can a viejita appear like she's on the prowl also ?

CP, it sounds like you've gained some first hand experience in this department too. Do you purposely avoid waving at folks when riding sola on your moto?

Like you Shari, my initial response is a stubborn one-I'll smile and wave at whomever I want dangit!. But it would be a lot easier to prevent unwanted advances than it would be to become embroiled in small town drama.

jeans - 5-2-2009 at 10:49 PM

Gee..that never happens to me….

Now that the guffawing has subsided, let me explain what I think may be shaping your experiences.

By the manner in which you expressed yourself in both of your posts I pictured a woman who is hesitant, apologetic, does not want to offend or displease, is fearful, maybe appearing coy, who is expecting unwanted attention everywhere she goes….and guess what? That is exactly what you attract!

Predators size up their victims on visual clues…Yes..it is your body language…your demeanor...how you walk, your posture, the tone of your voice (the old saying, “It’s not what you say but how you say it). You are unwittingly attracting unwanted attention.

By the way…Anyone who would say “You must be attractive, consider yourself lucky” is ignorant beyond belief. (You should feel “lucky” a man is coming on to you? Oh puh-leeze!)

This has nothing to do with a woman’s looks…it has to do with the aggressor’s belief, after sizing you up, on whether or not he will prevail. And when I say prevail, it could be anything from only wanting conversation on up.

That said…is it possible that you are so fearful of being taken advantage of that you are not allowing yourself any “foreign exchange” at all? That would be a shame. The vast majority of men are not predators. Conversation is just conversation. You can end a conversation any time you want. Really.

It is true that Americans smile more that other cultures. And that can cause misunderstandings. So can eye contact.

Ok...it happened once. I was in Paris sitting in a sidewalk café with a glass of wine reading a book when I looked up and saw a young man walking toward the café. I was thinking to myself he looked like a “player”, and our eyes met. That’s when I realized I was wearing reading glasses not dark glasses. “Oh $#it!” And he was sitting at my side in a heartbeat.

You travel alone in Mexico. You are obviously a courageous and adventuresome woman. It is just not showing on the outside. My suggestion to you is to study self defense training…(you may feel more comfortable with a women trainer). The physical & mental training will give you a level of confidence that will change your whole physical carriage. A woman who is confident and secure in herself and not fearful of strangers can pick & choose with whom she engages and on what level. That is very empowering. The most important thing is, that when you change your demeanor, you change your experiences.

I have traveled alone all through Baja, US, Europe, & Southeast Asia. Foreign exchanges can be fun when you pick & choose and assume control of your level of involvement.

Bajafun777 - 5-3-2009 at 02:19 AM

A Pest is a Pest, period. Once you politely tell someone you are not interested a stronger look of anger is appropriate and usually works for my wife. Now, Jeans on the other hand could probably throw a bottle of tequila at you, yes yes an empty one, if you gave her too much trouble, LOL. Later---bajafun777

CP - 5-3-2009 at 07:44 AM

Quote:

Originally posted by oladulce
CP, it sounds like you've gained some first hand experience in this department too. Do you purposely avoid waving at folks when riding sola on your moto?

I wave to everyone. Dogs, too. But my standard smile with eye contact to men (strangers) had led to uncomfortable situations for me when we first moved to Mexico. As I am not interested in pursuing such a relationship and as I have an esposo grande, fuerte y muy jeloso, I have learned to curb my friendliness with strange men when I am sola.

Wow

wessongroup - 11-16-2009 at 04:03 PM

"I have learned to curb my friendliness with strange men" now that must be a hard one!!

I've been having a difficult time with them all my life too...

Wiley

toneart - 11-16-2009 at 05:14 PM

When walking, walk with a sense of purpose; quickly. No hesitating, looking around or eye contact.

When sitting in a cafe, or in a public establishment, acquire an air of self confidence; appear very comfortable being alone in your environment. No need to be impolite or rude. Making reference to the impending arrival of your big and very jealous husband is a good ploy. Just act cool and disinterested. No smile! You don't have to worry about offending in a foreign culture.

This goes counter to your natural, friendly inclinations as an American or Canadian woman, but very necessary to counter the Mexican male assumption that you are starving for male companionship because you are unfortunate enough to be 'alone'. American women are considered (erroneously) to be looser than their Mexican counterpart.

Mexican men have been coddled and indulged...read that, spoiled by their mothers while they are little boys. They grow up with a sense of entitlement and propriety when it comes to women.

On the other hand, women are shielded, protected and trained to the point of deprivation in order to receive the proper respect when grown up. This includes manner of dress. :saint:

Things are changing in this regard, but the male reverts to the old social ways when he sees an American woman. Plus you hold the attraction of being 'different'.

Finally, in Mexico you don't have to like it or encourage it, but you need to be prepared for the unwanted attention. It comes with the territory and will simply take a bit of time and interruption of whatever you were doing, to send him on his way without insulting his sense of manhood.

Please

wessongroup - 11-16-2009 at 05:39 PM

"Mexican men have been coddled and indulged...read that, spoiled by their mothers while they are little boys. They grow up with a sense of entitlement and propriety when it comes to women."

Funny how the change of just a couple of words can make something true or false, depending on one's particular view about things.

American and Canadian women have been coddled and indulged... read that, spoiled by their mothers while they are little girls. They grow up with a sense of entitlement and propriety when it comes to men.

Considering that the divorce rate is above 60% and that 70% of all men that are 30 and over are not married and when an interview was conducted on Wilshire Blvd. in Beverly Hills around 6 months ago, 98% of the men interviewed responded to a question posed to them: if you had the choice of getting married or jumping into a tank of great white sharks... yeah, you guess it.... they chose the tank of sharks..

Married 43 years to the same "woman".... who is the smartest? Just ask her, who's the toughest? Ahhhhhhh, yes.... just ask her.

If she gets hit on, that is going to be her fault and her business to take care of... she is after all the woman. And women have been dealing with men's sexual advances for a long, long, long time... and will for as long as I can see... as they are the opposite sex.

I'm with Sheri's old man... I don't need a stinking fight over a woman, at my age or any age who is after all my wife.

True Story:

toneart - 11-16-2009 at 05:48 PM

I lived in San Miguel de Allende in the early 1980s and played the trumpet with a Jazz/Salsa band in Restaurante Mama Mia's. One evening my American girlfriend was sitting in the front row right in front of me. A guy was bothering her and I noticed when I saw the distressed and displeased expression on her face.

Before the tune we were playing ended, I set down my horn, stepped off the stage and walked up to this guy. I wagged my index finger side to side, looked him straight in the eye and said, "No le molesta mi Novia!" I was not hostile; just firm. That is a code among Mexican men that is usually understood and accepted. I was doing the honorable thing and protecting my woman.

Well, (gulp)...this guy got up out of his chair, and he kept getting up and getting up until I was craning my neck and practically looking straight up at the ceiling. This guy was huge! He looked like Jaws in the James Bond movies. He stared down at me menacingly. I could feel the sweat breaking out all over my body.

My girlfriend called my name, "Tony"! I defiantly waved her off, all the while not breaking eye contact with the giant. Suddenly he broke into a big smile. I swear his teeth were as big as a horse's. He said in a rather weak and quiet voice, "OK!"

He didn't so much as look at my girlfriend again and my confidence was restored, knowing that I had properly garnered his respect, macho a macho, mano a mano. The macho code of honor prevailed. However, my trumpet had a new shaky vibrato as I resumed playing.

mulegemichael - 11-16-2009 at 08:02 PM

cool, tony...you stood your ground...sometimes it works...hope you're
ok

wessongroup - 11-17-2009 at 09:15 AM

p.s My wife carries a stun gun with her at all times for the insistence one's and when walking the dog's a "big stick"

osoflojo - 11-20-2009 at 12:36 AM

I like "Mi Tokayos" approach but other than the idioma how is this different from Gringolandia?????? What do you do/say here?

masymas - 1-6-2011 at 09:55 AM

There are some wise women on this thread who clearly have lived and observed. Thanks for taking the time to share. And, yes, in my experience with latino men, it starts in babyhood with mamas that can't seem to say "No"! This is a stereotype but like most stereotypes, there is a germ of truth at the center. BTW, any woman who cannot disappoint strangers and constantly seeks to please will attract those who seek to manipulate.

Tano - 1-6-2011 at 11:23 AM

Maybe somebody suggested this before, but just in case...

Smile, and using a gravelly voice say, Soy un hombre vestido de mujer, tonto.

The first “o” in tonto should sound like the vowel sound in “saw,” not like the one in the Lone Ranger’s sidekick’s name.

On second thought, you’d better pronounce both o’s as in “saw.” In Spanish, vowels always have the same sound.

[Edited on 1-6-2011 by Tano]

bajalera - 1-8-2011 at 03:48 PM

There's a simple solution to your problem. Masy: Get old enough, and horny men will no longer hit on you.

Old Post, But This is a Forever Relevant Subject

Gypsy Jan - 1-8-2011 at 04:49 PM

I think that Shari's explanation of how a Mexican spouse feels is very revealing.

I have found that a scowl and turning away with negative body language (shoulders hunched, hands and arms clenched) usually works, but it goes against the way I was raised and I always feel ashamed that I was forced to resort to that.

I haven't had to use vulgar insults, thank the lord, but if the man is persistent, I do raise my voice and say, "Vete!"

Woooosh - 1-8-2011 at 04:58 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by k-rico
You must be attractive, consider yourself lucky. I may have a solution. Would you like to meet for lunch and discuss it?

Or, try this: Gracias, eres muy guapo, pero soy una lesbiana. Tienes una hermana? :spingrin:

I love that!, but you'll only make him think of how he can turn this unlikely encounter into a three-way. But seriously married Mexican men are like dogs in heat with no off switch. And that's just my own family. I think it is because they marry so young. The whole Mexican culture is sexually sensual with all the telenovelas people can't tear themselves away from. There is nothing you can do to stop him from trying his best- and, no insult intended- they really aren't all that selective when it come to flings. I see it all the time and the Mexican ladies are pretty good at holding their own having grown up in this culture. If you want it real bad- walk by a construction site... almost like being catcalled in NYC. lol