Disclaimer
If everything had turned out the way our friends and family imagined it would this would be our trip report. Part 1 Az to Guerrero
Negro
Wed. Feb 18th
We left Prescott Az. At 8:30pm “ Why would anyone want to leave that late? Why don’t you just wait until morning?” Somewhere between Prescott and
Mexico, Which is like driving across all the way across the U.S. I must have fallen asleep at the wheel and drove off the road, then hit a car head
on. What the hell were they doing off the road in the first place.
Since we weren’t wearing our seatbelts we were all ejected from the truck.
We arrived at the border way too early “It opens at 5:30 AM” so we parked a few miles away on the side of the road and slept for a few hours.
While we were sleeping the border patrol woke us and arrested us for smuggling. I really thought he said we were being arrested for snuggling.
Thurs. Feb 19th
We crossed the border at Tecate 6:00 AM and immediately got pulled over by THE FEDERALIES who said we did something wrong. Since we don’t speak a
lick of Spanish we couldn’t understand a word they was saying. We did however understand “give us all your money” So we did. They left us with just
enough money to get home.
We drove from Tecate to Ensenada on Mex3 We were told not to go this way because a lot of it was dirt with a lot of road construction. Well we
didn’t listen. Oh my God there was like 500 miles of the worst dirt road I’ve ever driven on. An hour or so later we arrived in Ensenada.
We needed to get fishing licenses before we got to Asuncion and were told we could get them across from the Immigration office in Ensenada. Saw a
sign as we were coming into town and turned. The next thing you know we were car jacked/ robbed by Banditos dressed as police, now known as Mexican
drug cartels. They raped I mean robbed us then cut off our heads I think.
After driving around for ever looking for the place to get our licenses we asked a fisherman who pointed us in the direction of the Hotel Corona.
After wandering around the hotel for awhile we noticed that across the street was the Dept of Tourism. Figured they would know where we could find
fishing licenses. Well wouldn’t you know it, they sell them.
Oh Yeah!!! they don’t like US fifty dollar bills. Thank God the $$$ exchange place was a block away and open. Walked in with $500 US. Left there with
something like 6*%$# thousand pesos WOOHOO!!!! Got our licenses and off we went to Guerrero Negro to see the whales.
We gassed up in San Quintin but forgot to top off at El Rosario. Oooops!!! We did however stop and eat at Mama’s Oooops!!!
I realized we might not have enough gas to make it all the way to Jesus Maria so I got some from the guys at the Bay of LA turn off out of 50
gallon drums I have no idea what I was charged per liter. I gave him a 200 peso bill and he gave me gas. At least I think it was gas. It was enough
to make it to Guerrero Negro
Somewhere near the middle of !@#$%^&^ nowhere we broke down. “ BAD GAS” We had only one bottle of water between us. The desart was HOT “surface
of the Sun kind of hot.” We sat there for what seamed like days before some guy in a car that looked like it should have been scrapped a long long
time ago found our dried up mummified bodies, gave us some water and fixed our truck. We tried to pay him but he wouldn’t take a thing.
We crossed from Baja Norte to Baja Sur at 6:30pm. The immigration office hours are from 8:00am. to 8:00pm. and we didn’t and get our tourist cards
at Tecate when we crossed the border. Now we’re screwed. All we have is our Az..drivers licenses and our beat up been through the washing machine
“more then once” birth certificates. I guess We’ll have to turn around and go back to Ensenada and go through that car jack/beheading thing again. As
it turns out the Immigration office hours must be from 8:00am to sometime before we got there. We went right on through after paying some guy 10 pesos
to spray something all over the bottom of the truck.
There was no gas in Guerrero Negro when we got there but there were cars waiting so we pulled in line and waited and waited and waited and waited
and sure enough after what seem like at least 5 minutes we got gas. I swear we saw guys poring gas from gas cans into the stations tanks.
It was getting dark and we still had to get to the Lagoon to camp for the night so I broke that one rule they say never to break I drove in the dark
in Baja.
Just outside of town we were run off the road by a semi with only one headlight [right side] I thought it was a motorcycle. We went off the edge of
the road, “which if you look at it looks like it’s two feet above the dirt shoulder” and rolled the truck. Somehow we managed to get back on the
road only to go head on with a cow. After what seemed like hours police came and took us to jail and held us until we paid the owner for the cow.
Somehow even in the dark we found Ojo de liebre.
Pictures will come with part 2 because we didnt stop along the way to take any.
DAND
[Edited on 2-25-2009 by BajaDanD]TheColoradoDude - 2-25-2009 at 12:29 AM
See I knew it! Exactly how I saw it on CNN. What an amazing writer you are. Muy Bien!David K - 2-25-2009 at 08:06 AM
Amazingly humorous twist on trip reporting... WELL DONE DanD, well done!shari - 2-25-2009 at 08:17 AM
HOlay snappin arseholes!!!! Now THAT was definately THE best trip report EVER in the history of nomads...the absolute truth....no distortions, no fish
stories, no biased reporting by chamber of commerce reps.
This is the baja we all know and love.
For those of you who dont know Dan...here is a photo of him banished to his toyota for not drinking tecate. 2-tie-dye-4 - 2-25-2009 at 08:19 AM
Great fun report, we take the same trip coming out of Jerome. We always plan not to drive at night, but always end up driving in the dark. Only
problem we've had with that is our headlights blind the semi's in front of us, on low beam. Once a frustrated old man stopped to tell us about it.
We were trying to stay with him to see the road, but after we realized what was happening, we let all trucks get way ahead of us.Skipjack Joe - 2-25-2009 at 09:58 AM
I can hardly wait for your account of the fishing. They say fishermen exaggerate. This should be a lulu. Maybe a sword fight with a feisty marlin, or
sumthin.Paulina - 2-25-2009 at 09:59 AM
Shari,
Dan is mighty handsome. I've always had a soft spot in my heart for English Mastiffs.
It might be a good thing he was banished for not drinking. Too many Tecates can lead to embarrassing situations, ie someone taking your photo as
you're passed out on a cowpatty with a big smile on your face.
Back on topic, Dan that was entertaining. It took me a minute to figure out how you got to the border after being ejected from your truck...
I think my ex's imagination is very similar to that of your friend's and family.
P<*)))>{Paulina - 2-25-2009 at 10:10 AM
Quote:
Originally posted by Skipjack Joe
I can hardly wait for your account of the fishing. They say fishermen exaggerate. This should be a lulu. Maybe a sword fight with a feisty marlin, or
sumthin.
That Errol Fylnn style sword fight with that mighty marlin happened after his boat was nearly hijacked by drug smugglers. The sword fight was ended
when the boat was nearly crushed by an angry mother whale when it's baby got in the way of the fight.
Dan, please finish your trip report! The suspense is killing me.
P<*)))>{Skipjack Joe - 2-25-2009 at 11:03 AM
Or he could go biblical. His panga gets swallowed by a california grey whale. Meanwhile Juan happens to be trolling his rapala in the vicinity and
notices a golf ball lodged in the whale's blowhole and decides to remove it. The grateful creature spits Dan out and the two make it back to Shari's
for sashimi and stories.oxxo - 2-25-2009 at 11:06 AM
I have every reason to believe that someone will post this trip report on another venue as a true life experience! Maybe it will prevent so many
greenhorns from coming down here. Good job DanD. I'm starting to think like an oldtimer!BajaDanD - 2-25-2009 at 02:23 PM
I think the real trip report just might be mixed in there some where.
