How Grits are Formed
Grits are formed deep underground under intense heat and pressure. It takes over 1,000 years to form a single Grit. Most of the world's grit mines
are in South Carolina , and are guarded day and night by armed guards and pit bull dogs. Harvesting the Grit is a dangerous occupation, and many Grit
miners lose their lives each year so that Grits can continue to be served morning after morning for breakfast (not that having Grits for lunch and
dinner is out of the question).
Yankees have attempted to create synthetic Grits. They call it Cream of Wheat. As far as we can tell, the key ingredients of Cream of Wheat are
Elmer's Glue and shredded styrofoam. These synthetic grits have also been shown to cause nausea.
Historical Grits
As we mentioned earlier, the first known mention of Grits was by the Ancient Israelites in the Sinai Desert . After that, Grits were not heard from
for another 1000 years. Experts feel that Grits were used during this time only during secret religious ceremonies, and were kept from the public due
to their rarity.
The next mention of Grits was found amidst the ruins of the ancient city of Pompeii in a woman's personal diary. The woman's name was Herculaneum
Jemimaneus (Aunt Jemima to her friends.)
The 10 Commandments of Grits
I. Thou shalt not put syrup on thy Grits.
II. Thou shalt not eat thy Grits with a spoon or knife.
III. Thou shalt not eat Cream of Wheat and call it Grits, for this is blasphemy .
IV. Thou shalt not covet thy neighbor's Grits.
V. Thou shalt use only salt, butter, and red-eye gravy as toppings for thy Grits.
VI Thou shalt not eat Instant Grits.
VII. Thou shalt not put ketchup on thy Grits.
VIII. Thou shalt not put margarine on thy Grits.
IX. Thou shalt not eat toast with thy Grits, only biscuits made from scratch.
X. Thou shalt eat grits on the Sabbath for this is manna from heaven.
How to Cook Grits
For one serving of Grits:
Boil 1.5 cups of water with salt and a little butter. [Use milk and they are creamier!)
Add 5 TBsp of Grits.
Reduce to a simmer and allow the Grits to soak up all the water.
When a pencil stuck into the grits stands alone, it is done. That's all there is to cooking grits.
How to make red eye gravy
Fry salt cured country ham in cast iron pan. Remove the ham when done and add coffee to the gravy and simmer for several minutes. Great on grits and
biscuits.
How to Eat Grits
Immediately after removing your grits from the stove top, add a generous portion of butter or red eye gravy. (WARNING: Do NOT use low-fat butter.)
The butter should cause the Grits to turn a wondrous shade of yellow. (Hold a banana or a yellow rain slicker next to your Grits; if the colors
match, you have the correct amount of butter.)
In lieu of butter, pour a generous helping of red eye gravy on your grits. Be sure to pour enough to have some left for sopping up with your
biscuits. Never, ever substitute canned or store bought biscuits for the real thing because they cause cancer, rotten teeth ----
Next, add salt. (NOTICE: The correct ration of Grit to Salt is 10:1 Therefore for every 10 grits, you should have 1 grain of salt.)
Now begin eating your grits. Always use a fork, never a spoon, to eat Grits. Your grits should be thick enough so they do not run through the tines
of the fork.
The correct beverage to serve with Grits is black coffee. DO NOT use cream or, heaven forbid, Skim Milk.)
Your grits should never be eaten in a bowl because Yankees will think its Cream of Wheat.
Ways to Eat Leftover Grits
(Leftover grits are extremely rare.)
Spread them in the bottom of a casserole dish,
Cover and place them in the refrigerator overnight.
The Grits will congeal into a gelatinous mass.
Next morning, slice the Grits into squares and fry them in 1/2" of cooking oil and butter until they turn a golden brown.
Many people are tempted to pour syrup onto Grits served this way. This is, of course, unacceptable.
(Note: Slices can also be dipped into beaten egg and fried.)
IRISH BLESSING BEFORE EATING GRITS:
May the lord bless these grits,
May no Yankee ever get the recipe,
May I eat grits every day while living,
And may I die while eating grits.
AMENvandenberg - 7-6-2009 at 05:13 PM
Like Polenta,
Good enough to gag a maggot.Von - 7-6-2009 at 05:24 PM
Cream of wheat is betterGypsy Jan - 7-6-2009 at 07:38 PM
Oso,
But seriously, if one is not in Baja Carolina, but in Baja California, how do you find grits?
BTW, my southern belle grandmother, from South Carolina, taught me that eating white rice with sugar on it was a "vegetable".BajaNuts - 7-6-2009 at 10:05 PM
Quote:
Originally posted by Oso
Next, add salt. (NOTICE: The correct ration of Grit to Salt is 10:1 Therefore for every 10 grits, you should have 1 grain of salt.)
it took me 7 hours 34 minutes to count my grits in order to get the proper salt ratio. Do they make a grit-counting machine to speed up the process?
By the time I got done countin', they was COLD! bajajudy - 7-7-2009 at 06:50 AM
Oso
You will appreciat this, I am sure
A friend has been making regular trips back to NC for several months. The first time she went, I asked for stone ground white grits. She brought me
instant grits. The second time I asked again for stone ground and again instant. This last trip I told her that she was not truly a southerner if
she thought those other two bags of mush were grits and to pretty please find me some real ones.
I am not the proud owner of 5bls of stone ground grits....not mill ground, these seemed very processed. The brand name is Yelton's.
Lordy, I would kill for some red eye gravy.Cypress - 7-7-2009 at 08:25 AM
Oso, Fried grits are great, similar to hoe cakes.ccholder - 7-8-2009 at 12:59 PM
Baja Okie Grits
lots of hot sauce
sharp cheddar cheese
sliced spicy sausage
YummyDave - 7-8-2009 at 01:26 PM
Quote:
Originally posted by bajajudy
Lordy, I would kill for some red eye gravy.
Ask at the meat market for chuletas. Smoke cured pork chops, sliced thick. That'll do in a pinch.
