tEACATE CROSSING

Mrs Diver won't let me cross at TJ anymore at threat of divorce.
She's had too much fun there in the past.
We LOVE crossing at Tecate'.
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You obviously fail to understand the rules of the road here. Here are the most important ones (others should feel free to add more):

1. It is the solemn obligation of every vehicle-wielding Californiamerican to make sure that his fellow drivers remain vigilant and alert to potential dangers. As a consequence, each of them at some random point in time is required to do something incredibly stupid and dangerous, like executing a 90-degree exit turn from the left lane of a 5-lane highway, in traffic, at 80 mph. That guy was just doing his civic duty by keeping everyone on their toes. Dude deserves a medal.

2. It is not called the "breakdown" lane. It is called the "emergency" lane, and therefore may be used for any "emergency," including being late to an appointment in TJ and stuck behind someone doing the speed limit. By the way, if you use that lane as a "breakdown" lane and leave your vehicle there, you'll get a ticket for not risking your life by trying to push it the rest of the way to the border. This is so obvious, I don't know why I have to explain it.

3. You are not permitted to merge smoothly into highway traffic. Instead, you must either (a) wait until no cars can be seen for at least a half mile in any direction before gingerly pressing the gas pedal so those two squirrels in a Habitrail that pass for your engine can ease you onto the highway, or (b) floor it at the bottom of the on-ramp so you reach terminal velocity by the time you get to the highway, then swerve into traffic without signaling or checking your mirror (only wussies do that) and hope you don't hit anything. Russian cabdrivers are very skilled in the (b) method.

4. When it rains, you are not allowed to use the other half of the brains you have left. Instead, you must panic and use exceptionally poor judgment. This is also a good time to do something stupid pursuant to Rule 1. A two-fer, if you will.

5. When the sun is rising or setting in your face, you may not use your sunglasses or visor to screen it and allow yourself to see and drive at the same time. Rather, you are required to use your left hand as a sunshade, while you hold your cellphone and send texts with your right hand and steer the vehicle with one knee. Oh, and you have to slam on the brakes unexpectedly every once in a while.

6. Never, ever pull your vehicle fully into the right turn lane when making a right turn. Semi-trucks need two lanes to make a right turn, correct? Well, the majority of Californians drive SUVs they think are the equivalent of semis, and they need room to turn too, buddy. Who cares about all those clowns stuck behind them in the next lane because your big SUV butt is sticking out into traffic while you wait for the homeless guy to crawl across the crosswalk before you turn? Suck it, clowns, and get your own SUVs!

7. When driving on narrow streets or roads, always take your half out of the middle. You pay taxes, so you own that damn pavement. And since you really aren't sure how big your SUV is, what the hell, give yourself five or six feet of extra space from the shoulder or the parked cars on the right side. That guy coming the opposite direction in his Camry who thinks this is still a two-way street? Screw him. He'll just have to pull over until you glide on past.

8. If you drive a Prius, you are required to drive like people used to when they had those "Baby on Board" window thingies -- like insufferable jerks who were better then everyone else and had their own set of rules. (Those window thingies should have said "Baby on Board, Driver is a Jerk.")

9. When parking on the street, always position your car to take up at least one and a half parking spots. Ditto for parking lots. And in the parking lot, always swing your car door open as far as you can so you can ding the door of the car next to you. It's like a sport. I call it "doordinging." For a fun variation, instead of putting your shopping cart in the little shopping cart pen, let it roll randomly downhill and see how many cars it can doording before coming to a stop.

10. Trash cans are only for decorative purposes. They are not to be used as actual trash receptacles. Just toss your used diapers, burning cigarettes, empty Big Gulps, plastic grocery bags, used condoms, etc. out the window of your car. Don't worry, some hapless convicted drunk driver will be forced to put on a day-glo vest and risk his or her neck picking up and neatly bagging your trash on the side of the road. (This is also the rule in Mexico, except for the picking up part.)

I hope this was helpful.

Quote:

Originally posted by DanO I hope this was helpful.

Indeed it is and, I'm impressed, DanO. It was a big job for you to translate this from the original Korean drivers manual.
When can we expect the Spanish edition?
Thanks.

Quote:

Originally posted by DanO (Those window thingies should have said "Baby on Board, Driver is a Jerk.")

All of that was so good---others just do not understand the CA method of driving.

But I love the Baby on Board----we always thought it meant it was OK to run into other cars where there were no babies.

Thanks for the great laugh.

To the original question, if you cross early in the morning, it is quick at San Ysidro. We almost always cross going south at San Ysidro and Tecate coming north.


[Edited on 11-21-2009 by DianaT]

FM-T

Tecate

Thanks for all the help, I really needed it. I have been going down for 30 years now and you would think I would know this stuff. Never crossed into Mexico through Tecate although I have come back that way a few times.
Thanks again