BajaNomad

My Dad has left the U.S.A.

Sallysouth - 1-30-2011 at 09:20 PM

He has decided to live out the rest of his life SOB with Mija.What if he doesn't have an FMT or what if he passes away while there? I know, two entirely different questions, but I need to know what to expect.He is healthy besides his mild Alzhiemers.I got him a check up just before he left.He takes no meds besides his bladder pills and Exelon patches for memory.I am also wondering if we need to get him Medivac insurance. Any advice is very appreciated! More Q's to come....Thanks, sally p.s. he is 87 and a Baja pioneer from the 50's.

bajaguy - 1-30-2011 at 09:25 PM

An ID bracelet for starters

DianaT - 1-30-2011 at 09:29 PM

As difficult as it is, since he has made the decision to live out the rest of his life in Baja, I think there is no need for Medivac insurance---that would only go against what he wants.

Tough, tough thing to do, but maybe try to start the letting go process---he is 87 and it sounds like this decision is his last wish.

We always want the best for our loved ones, but our idea of what is best, is not always what they think is best, or what is really important to them. It is a difficult thing.

Hope you can visit him, and when the time comes, find proper care for him in the place he has chosen.

Never easy, never easy!

Just my thoughts. And my thoughts are with you during another difficult time for you.
Diana

[Edited on 1-31-2011 by DianaT]

Sallysouth - 1-30-2011 at 09:40 PM

Diana, you have No idea how hard it has been.(well maybe you DO!) There was the talk of getting him back here if needed for med emergency.He really is very healthy except for his short term memory.I can see him living another ten years.I have begun the "process".I took them to the airport on Friday.He said as he hugged me"please don't forget me".Then he asked if I would come down and stay with him.I will in the spring.So hard after losing my Mom two years ago so suddenly.Thank you for your kind words and thoughts.Sally

BajaGringo - 1-30-2011 at 09:40 PM

Make sure he establishes a relationship with a local doctor. If he were to pass away down here it will be much easier to deal with if he has a local physician of record...

toneart - 1-30-2011 at 09:43 PM

Sally,

Where is he going to live? What town? Did you say he will live with your daughter? Are you closely in touch with her?

I think, when he declines it is fairly easy to get in home assistance, and with compassion as well.:light:

shari - 1-30-2011 at 09:44 PM

oh my Sally...I'm sure this is tough on you. I would also suggest that someone close to him, a neighbour, amigo whatever has all his contact information in the event of an emergency...they need to know who to call.
Excellent suggestion about establishing an amistad with a doctor for sure...suerte and it is admirable to let dad do his thing.

Sallysouth - 1-30-2011 at 11:19 PM

B.G., that is a very good idea and I have voiced this to my daughter. Bajaguy, that is also a very good idea.Tony, he will be living in an area I have not been to yet, but the house is looking at the Hilton, north of Cabo, south of El Tule where she(Mija) just relocated from.Yes we are in contact whenever we want via a phone # she has here, to there.Can you tell me what you know about your last sentence? And to Shari, not too sure what you are saying about contact info.Mija has a live in "nanny/housekeeper/cook" so he is never really alone.And yeah, he should be allowed to do his own thing, even if I /we have our reservations about his choices.I just want him to be happy. Abrazos, Sally

toneart - 1-31-2011 at 12:14 AM

Quote:
Originally posted by Sallysouth
B.G., that is a very good idea and I have voiced this to my daughter. Bajaguy, that is also a very good idea.Tony, he will be living in an area I have not been to yet, but the house is looking at the Hilton, north of Cabo, south of El Tule where she(Mija) just relocated from.Yes we are in contact whenever we want via a phone # she has here, to there.Can you tell me what you know about your last sentence? And to Shari, not too sure what you are saying about contact info.Mija has a live in "nanny/housekeeper/cook" so he is never really alone.And yeah, he should be allowed to do his own thing, even if I /we have our reservations about his choices.I just want him to be happy. Abrazos, Sally


Mine was a general statement about the availability of people who caretake elderly people. I observed that in Mulege with a guy who had cancer and had decided to die there. He lived alone and didn't have much money. A kind local stepped forward and sat with him, prepared food, assisted him to the bathroom and ran errands, through to the end.

Someone always knows someone, in their family or friends who would be available for that kind of work. Those kind of references are usually reliable. Compassion is a virtue that Mexicans have within their culture.

It sounds like, between your daughter and her housekeeper, and in that location with view, he should be very happy. It seems like your father made a good choice for himself. Is your daughter happy about it?

I think you will make the adjustment, emotionally, once he is settled. Especially, knowing he is with your daughter and in such a wonderful place...in Cabo! When you make your first visit, you will feel even better about his decision. I hope so. Best of luck with all of that. :yes:

Bajafun777 - 1-31-2011 at 12:18 AM

SallySouth, your topic and suggestions here are just a reminder to all of us to make sure our wishes are well known before we get to 87 and memory problems start occurring.

We need to talk about what we would like to do and how we want to be handled when the Lord takes us home. Family members should also accept and follow our wishes as best as they can.

I say this as my boys do not exactually like the thought of my wife and I living down South, so we started with staying 4 months last year during the summer and will do the same thing this summer at Las Gaviotas.
Sometime, somewhere we will be staying longer like 6 months and maybe after two years more jump it to 8 months before jumping fulltime.

Sort of like my funeral wishes of being cremated and ashes spread into the ocean. My wife didn't like it too much nor did my boys until I said,"Look I love the ocean and don't want people crying over me, as I have had a good run enjoying life along with them. I told them take me on an ocean cruise ship and do the deed late at night when all the stars are shinning. Told them to toast me before dumping me in the ocean and all hug each other afterwards and saying dad got his wishes followed now he is at peace. I tease them with saying remember roast me,toast me and dump me!LOL Keeping it humorous is my way of putting it more into what I am.

I am restressing these things more now since reading your topic, as we just never know when the Lord will call us home. Very good suggestions by those posting but I just wanted to put a little more twist to it. WE all need to keep people aware of our wishes in good health, so they don't doubt us in bad health for decisions or lifestyles we may want to do. Hope your DAD the best and may you have peace in his desire to make himself satisfied with what life he has left and hope every day is better than the day before for him. Take Care & Travel Safe "No Hurry, No Worry, Just FUN" bajafun777

Cypress - 1-31-2011 at 06:25 AM

Your dad must be a real character. He'll be fine.

Pescador - 1-31-2011 at 07:16 AM

When my wife developed Lung Cancer we moved out of our Mexico house and went back to Colorado and spent our time for the next year and a half totally tied up with the medical system and cancer treatment. That was what she wanted to do and it gave her some comfort knowing that she was doing everything possible in the system that she believed in to treat the disease.

I had a good friend who lived in Mexico develop a Cancer and when it developed into a later stage, he decided that he was not going to go through all of the Chemo and Radiation therapy and was going to live out his days surrounded by his family and friends in Mexico. He received very good medical care for pain management and got to do the things he really liked to do like playing weekly poker games and talking with all his friends during the day. We all knew he was dying but we had some great times sharing and helping him make arrangements for the final eventuality.

After experiencing both of these situations, I came to the conclusion that it depends totally on the person and what they find important and that for me, I would live out my final years in Mexico. I find the medical system, while not at the same level of development as the United States, much more humane and personal. I have checked in to assisted living here and it is usually run by the church to be very affordable and a great place to be if you need that sort of thing. The culture is much more respectfu land caring of the elderly than I find in the United States.

So, if I had a disease or condition that had a known cure that was only available in the US, then I would go back and have that done, but I would probably go to Europe in the same situation. For example, there is a new treatment for Macular Degeneration that would need to be done in the US.

The other thing you may want to consider is to get him an FM2 or FM3 so that he can get Seguros Popular insurance which will cover him in Mexico for medical care and will be based on his income. It is very affordable and does provide great coverage in Mexico. I have Medicare, a high deducdtible supplement plan for the US, but have Seguros Popular for Mexico.

[Edited on 1-31-2011 by Pescador]

shari - 1-31-2011 at 07:37 AM

sally, what I meant was that in the event of an emergency, whoever is close to him like the housekeeper should have all the important information at hand and know who to call first and it is important to have a plan...in the event of....whatever, sickness, a fall, death etc.

I am always trying to get contact info on expats here in case something happens as I may likely be the person who would have to deal with "authorities".

Eli - 1-31-2011 at 07:41 AM

Sally, Good for Your Dad, and good for You and Juanita making this happen for him.
I remember when my grandfather was in his last few years, we moved him from So. Cal. to Oregon, back to So Cal, back up to Oregon, a few times. He would get to one place and want to be in the other, it was not easy for him or us, but we did what we could to make his life bearable.

When Dad was finishing up his time on this planet, we made a couple of trips North of the boarder for treatment and meds, but in the end, he passed on where he most wanted to be, Buena Vista, at home in his own bed surrounded by family and friends who Loved him. I hope I am equally fortunate.

I wish him the best of Luck and hope he has the peace of mind that will permit him to stay here for the remainder of his years. Also, I bet this means you will be coming down more often and I might finally get to see you which would be very cool.

Alzhiemers

mcfez - 1-31-2011 at 07:53 AM

My dad fell to this. Nasty. I was the one that had to deal with it.

My strong advise:
Let your dad be happy at any cost. His time is very limited. Deal with the worst of this situation when "that time comes"....not now.


I put dad in a home. What a freakin mistake .......and I am haunted each day.

BajaGringo - 1-31-2011 at 09:07 AM

I agree with the sentiment to let him follow his wishes. Life is a series of passages and the last chapter of our life here on earth a very special one. Tomorrow is promised to no one so just let him be happy doing what he wants to do today.

There is no greater gift you could give him right now...

oladulce - 1-31-2011 at 10:10 AM

Sally-

What if you signed him up for a year of Medivac insurance (the policy we have would cost $250 for your Dad, for example). You've got so many other things on your mind right now at least you can cover that base and move on. Maybe he'll need it and it will be worth every penny, or maybe he'll never use it. You'll have a year while he's getting settled in to find out and maybe it will help you sleep a little better.

Of course you want your dad to be happy, but it sounds like he may have said "I want to move to Mexico" and all the preparation and planning was dumped in your lap. Others have shared poignant examples of end-of-life decisions to live in Mexico, but it sounds like your Dad wanted to move to live some more!

I think it's wonderful that he's able to do so, but unfortunately the consequences of future illness or injury will probably fall upon you to deal with. You can only do your best Amiga, and you're doing a good thing.

Sallysouth - 1-31-2011 at 10:50 AM

I think Mija is going to get him Medivac.And Mcfez, no way will he be going to a "home"!!We will do whatever it takes to avoid that.They alfeady have the contacts in place in case Juanita is not there.I also like the idea of finding him a personal doctor.It would make him feel more secure, I think.Also thanks for the advice, Pescardor on the FM's and Seguros Popular.I will discuss this with Juanita.To Tony, Yes, Mija is happy about it.She loves her Grampa very much and is a kind soul.He has been staying with her on and off for the last two years so they both know what to expect.He is very happy there.No memories to haunt him and no stress.When he is in his home here, all he does is worry about things he has no control over.I'm glad he is where he wants to be.Sara, YES! This does mean I will be down more and we can catch up after all these years!!!Thanks for the well thought out responses and kind words.Sally

wessongroup - 1-31-2011 at 05:16 PM

Sally... best wishes and peace... to all...

slimshady - 1-31-2011 at 05:34 PM

Not a bad place to spend one's last days on this earth. Let him enjoy himself.

mcfez - 1-31-2011 at 07:37 PM

I was just think how helpful it would had been to reach out for help, in my situation a while back. So I searched Google and am passing this to you. Good luck with your Pop.

http://www.alz.org/living_with_alzheimers_message_boards_lwa...

Sallysouth - 1-31-2011 at 08:31 PM

Yeah, it has been a challenge, to say the least.Thanks fez.I have already gone over that and many other sites seeking knowledge @ this nasty disease.I have learned a lot.For now, all is good.He is happy, well looked after and enjoying life.My only concern is about when his disease progresses.We have no idea how it will affect him, mentally or physically.For now, it is one day at a time.

akshadow - 1-31-2011 at 09:59 PM

End of life considerations? From a post by the owner of the gallery in San Felipe

"Steve has been ill for a long time now and wanted not to be on life support, but here in Mexico it is against the law to remove the machines that are keeping him alive.  This is not either one of our wishes."
not pleasant choice but one you need to be ready for, it appears there is less chance after the care has started. So may want to be sure wishes are known before the machines are used.

Sallysouth - 2-1-2011 at 10:21 AM

Very interesting akshadow.Deffinatly something to look into.Thanks!

BajaGringo - 2-1-2011 at 10:28 AM

Quote:
Originally posted by akshadow
...but here in Mexico it is against the law to remove the machines that are keeping him alive.


Which is why most Mexicans prefer to pass on at home, in their own bed. Definitely the way I would want to go out...

Skeet/Loreto - 2-1-2011 at 01:26 PM

Sally:

Being 80 years old this May and starting to suffer some of the "Ole Timers problems, I too thought about going back to Baja Sur to finish my years, get out of other peoples way and Die when I am ready.

Know I could go to Loreto or Constitution and be assured that I would be left alone to Die as Pappa Murillo did several years ago.

However that being said I know that I have to think of those around me who give me so much Kindness and Pleaseure at this time in my Life. And Yes sometimes they try to Help Too Much and Too Often but their Love is rewarding when I go to bed every nite.

I am one of those Nuts who beleives in the Supreme Being and I have had no fear of Dying since about 1963 when the Good Lord saved my Ass when I was flying a Cessna 140 into the Clouds over the Pass between Livermore Calif. and San Carlos,Ca.

I would just say make sure your Father has someone with him when he goes and I feel real sure you will find some very Compassionate People in Baja.

Barry A. - 2-1-2011 at 03:02 PM

Well said, Skeet, and I agree 100%.

Barry

Skipjack Joe - 2-1-2011 at 05:40 PM

Thank for posting this valuable and much needed thread.

It really puts matters into perspective.

FWIW, I Agree He Should Go Where He Wants

Gypsy Jan - 2-1-2011 at 06:18 PM

My mother was diagnosed in the mid-80's with colon cancer.

She decided not to undergo chemotherapy. She decided to go to Mexico for alternative treatments, including removal of metal fillings in her teeth and the laetrile therapy popular at the time.

I took time off my employment to drive her down and back.

She also decided to relocate from Orange County to Central California, in Los Osos. (She had never lived there before, but she had friends who encouraged her and watched over her.)

All of these changes made her happy and left her feeling in control of her journey and she died in piece after waiting for me to arrive and show her the latest pictures of her only grandaughter.

Sallysouth - 2-1-2011 at 09:23 PM

My Father is surrounded by love.He has his "golden child",Juanita, my oldest daughter, who loves him and looks out for him, and my G-daughters,also adore their G-grandpa, and of course, the nanny/housekeeper/Grandpa looker afterer.Something that you said, Jan, made me think.There is a woman, friend of Mijas that is very knowledgable in the alternative way of medicine, so I am told.She has helped Dad with his Sciatic and also found out he has a very high level of Mercury in his body, due to (so I was told) his many old fillings in his teeth!Jan, when your Moms' fillings were removed, did it make a difference in her health ? Sweet story about your Mom and glad she went in a happy and peaceful way..

Sallysouth - 2-3-2011 at 07:52 PM

Another questioh for Nomads.What would be the pros and cons of transffering Dads savings to Baja?If something happens to him down there and he needs to medivac back here, would it be difficult to get the $$ back here for his care?

mcfez - 2-3-2011 at 08:20 PM

I'd leave it in a debit card with B of A account from the USA

CaboMagic - 2-3-2011 at 08:52 PM

Hi Sally

Dont have any experience to draw upon regarding your dad .. insight offered by others id truly most informative ... another fantastic aspect of this nomad community!

Sure seems your Dad is in a most loving & safe environment and thats a wonderful thing.

I would like to comment on the dinero question tho and hope this is useful for you.

Bank of America and Santander are 'sister' banks.

You can open a standard acct there at BofA and use it for accessing funds with no fees whatsoever. You can then control too how the $ is accessed.

Doesnt even cost anything to have the acct = most all banks charge something - but BofA does not- You can even open the acct online if you want.

Put yourself and maybe your daughter/s on the account so all of you get debit cards in your own name/s. Ask for duplicate cards (or wait a few weeks and go into your local branch and say you inadvertantly cut up your card and they will issue a replacement, That way just in case anything did happen you have a backup.

Then your daughter/s can access funds as needed from Santander branches in SLucas and/or SJose.. no fees no fuss just make sure they use the ATM that belongs to that branch and not a freestanding one with the logos on it .. those charge fees ...

If you need to get the cards down to your daughter/s let me know - we can always ask a guest to bring it down ...

Call anytime if you want to .. really!

God bless ... Lori

Sallysouth - 2-3-2011 at 10:18 PM

Wow Lori! Thanks so much for that info.You do know Mija, Juanita from the old El Fuerte days out of Loreto. Anyhow, I will check this out and it sounds to be the best way to handle the $ situation.Actually, my Dad has a new bank card arriving here in about a week so maybe I can use your help in getting it down to him.Right now the household at Juanita's is very ill , that nasty flu/head/cold /fever thing so nothing is being done right now.I will contact you if need be and thanks so much for the kind offer.You and Tommy are the the real thing! Abrazos, Sally

Sallysouth - 2-5-2011 at 11:47 PM

Bummer.My daughters whole family is very sick.I hope my Dad is ok as there is no one to take care of him.No calls, nothing.WTF??Any ideas as to get someone to check on them/him??

Sallysouth - 2-6-2011 at 10:08 PM

Well, I guess not then.Mija has her phone off, I have no other contacts.I really am worried.Is there anyone in the area that knows Juanita and can check on them?Help!!Isn't this where Nomads come to help each other??

[Edited on 2-7-2011 by Sallysouth]

Keri - 2-7-2011 at 01:47 PM

Sally try Lori at Cabo magic. She is really a great lady.I'm sure she will help if she is able or she can direct you to some one that can.k

Lori and Bajafun777

Baja Bernie - 2-7-2011 at 03:32 PM

Both of you make wonderful sense on a most troubling situation.

Not slighting the rest of you...Lori always stands out and Baja Fun comes closest to my own thinking.

Sallysouth - 2-7-2011 at 06:34 PM

Thanks Lori and Keri! I FINALLY heard from Juanita and everyone is on the mend.Sometimes it is really hard when loved ones are so far away and ya can't help them.(or talk to them!)Thanks Gals!!:saint:

Sallysouth - 2-7-2011 at 08:03 PM

Not to leave anyone out,thanks to Tony, mcfez,bajafun, skipjack,skeet, akshadow,oladulce, slimshady, pescador and Shari.Of course Sara, and bajagringo.All of your thoughts and comments mean a lot and there really is so much to take into consideration.You all have actually given me a little piece of mind and left me with lots to ponder.Thank you all!!

CaboMagic - 2-8-2011 at 08:26 AM

Sally dear - sent u2u last thurs .. now Glad all is ok w/family!

Hey Bernie delighted youre rattling cages and on the "write" road :-)

Keri happy to smile when you offer a compliment - takes one to know one amiga!

Best fishes for a magic day all nomads!

Eli - 2-8-2011 at 09:44 AM

I totally understand Sally! Every time we have a hurricane at home and I am far far away to the South, I sit out the silence trying not to worry while waiting for communications to once again ensue. I "know" everything is most likely o.k, no news is good news, widdy widdy wa, but really I don't breath easy until I hear from home how they rode out the storm. During those times I have looked to Judy and Baja Nomads to get an inkling of what things might be like at home. It is the most important role of Nomads for me.

Sallysouth - 2-9-2011 at 05:30 PM

Yes Sara, for me also.There have been many times in the past years that I have had no contact because of hurricanes/sat issues and have been worried crazy.This forum and Nomads like Judy are, at these times, priceless!!Are you back in L.B. now??

mcfez - 2-9-2011 at 07:03 PM

Quote:
Originally posted by Sallysouth
Not to leave anyone out,thanks to Tony, mcfez,bajafun, skipjack,skeet, akshadow,oladulce, slimshady, pescador and Shari.Of course Sara, and bajagringo.All of your thoughts and comments mean a lot and there really is so much to take into consideration.You all have actually given me a little piece of mind and left me with lots to ponder.Thank you all!!


Thank you Sallysouth for the kind words.

Sallysouth - 2-9-2011 at 11:35 PM

Thanks Fez.I have feeling this going to be an on going saga.I still have no idea what is going on down there re? my Dad. and family.She(mija) never answers her phone or returns her messages.I just may have to go down there and find out whats really going on.

Eli - 2-10-2011 at 07:08 AM

Yeah, come on down! Yes, I am in L.B., next week will be out of town for a long weekend, but basically I am home until June anyway.

CaboMagic - 2-10-2011 at 01:49 PM

Sally ... I had sent you a U2U privately with tele numbers ...

... a great amount of my time and attention is working, than if I were here as a tourist. Thus I check this board when I can and attempt to provide helpful useful info.

... wish I could have been "Joannaonthespot" for you in your time of need for info, however since I have not a clue where Juanita and fam live I wouldnt be of much help and I dont drive so that would add another hurdle - And, if she doesnt answer your calls why would she answer mine?

As Eli so beautifully suggests, get yourself down and you will know first hand how everyone is! and then you get to make more beautful memories .. I note the change to your mood as in "missing baja"

Abrazos back atcha ..

Sallysouth - 2-10-2011 at 06:04 PM

Lori, I totally understand where you are coming from in regards to your Bizzness!I appreciate your "joanaon the spot" comment also.I have not been to Juanitas' new place either but she is about a mile south of El Tule (where her store is) Looking at the Hilton, on the golf course.I Just spoke with Mija and she told me that nasty bug took out half the kids from the school mi ninietas go to all at the same time!!Everyone is on the mend and dear ol Dad didn't even get sick!! I'll be down in the spring and hopefully we can meet? I really need to see Sara again too.It's been 6 yrs since we first met in L.B.And by the way, I don't drive down in the Cabo area either!!! Won't!! Scares the crap out of me! Got your phone #'s and will call when I come down. Thanks again, Sally