Pirates of the Cortez - The fun truth, by Gar!

From a pirate about to engage two enemy ships:

"Fetch me red shirt!" ...the mate asks why...

.. and pirate says 'so the men will be not be alarmed and stray from the fight should I shed any blood.'


Days later surrounded by an menacing enemy fleet closing fast, the same pirate yells to his mate:

"Fetch me brown pants!"

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Alternate Signature: “I only exaggerate enough to compensate for being taken with a grain of salt.”



[Edited on 3-28-2012 by Pompano]

Jeezo Roger, Can you be any more entertaining ? Thanks for the belly laugh, I really need them theses days! AARRRGH!(think tidy wipes UDO)

very funny !

Shiver me timbers, el Camote...I'm gonna drag this thread out of the ship's head, so help me!




A pirate walks into a bar and the bartender says, "Hey, I haven't seen you in a while. What happened, you look terrible!"

"What do you mean?" the pirate replies, "I'm fine."

The bartender says, "But what about that wooden leg? You didn't have that before."

"Well," says the pirate, "We were in a battle at sea and a cannon ball hit my leg but the surgeon fixed me up, and I'm fine, really."

"Yeah," says the bartender, "But what about that hook? Last time I saw you, you had both hands."

"Well," says the pirate, "We were in another battle and we boarded the enemy ship. I was in a sword fight and my hand was cut off but the surgeon fixed me up with this hook, and I feel great, really."

"Oh," says the bartender, "What about that eye patch? Last time you were in here you had both eyes."

"Well," says the pirate, "One day when we were at sea, some birds were flying over the ship. I looked up, and one of them shat in my eye."

"So?" replied the bartender, "what happened? You couldn't have lost an eye just from some bird chit!"


"Well," says the pirate, "I really wasn't used to the hook yet."

Pirates live a tough life, Mike. Swinging on lanyards from ship to ship is hazardous to the eyes, apparently.

Barry

One theory for the eyepatch is not related to blindness. Below deck in the old pirate ships contained very few openings and was therefore very dark. In order for the eyes to adjust quickly to the darkness, a patch was worn over one eye so that eye could be uncovered and was readily adjusted to the darkness. I imagine they would switch the patch to the daylight eye when going below so they'd have an adjusted eye for going back on deck.

And don't forget, September 19 is Intl. Talk Like a Pirate Day. Arrrrrrrrrrr.

Arrrrrrhahahahaha ARRRRGGGHHHHHH