Get Off The Interstate and Enter The Twilight Zone

It was the dark of the moon and I was dead-tired....truckin-down eastern Utah pulling a new fishing boat down south. I'd been driving steady for about 1500 miles from Up North and was pretty worn down.


Overnight, the weather had turned very bad, with snow drifting over the blacktop, making it slippery and dangerous. The sudden blizzard had killed some unfortunate livestock that were caught in the open.




Ever been to eastern Utah? Different country..different time. This is empty openness..a sparsely inhabited space...with a few characters of the Odd West scattered around the high plains that added to the character of The Big Empty.




These are the events of that place as they happened to me.

Stopping in the middle of the night to check the boat & trailer, the first thing that caught my eye was the smoke curling from the rig's left tire..it got worse fast... it looked likely to burst into flames at any second. 'Ouch..A burnt bearing for sure. Guess the lube the other day was not that thorough.'

'Damn the luck', I thought, as I looked around at the utter desolation of this lonesome and cold emptiness. 'Why couldn't this have happened nearer a big city?'



'Oh well, just a couple extra hours to replace the bearings and seal, I imagine...no big deal.'

As there was no way I was fixing that burnt bearing here in the middle of nowhere without the right parts, I slowly pulled the trailer through the blackness engulfing the highway...and hoped I would come to a town and a repair shop. I drive on for quite a few miles. I was the only thing moving, no other traffic at all, no other lights. Just a pitch black night with snowflakes falling in the glare of my beams. 'Brrrr...sure is a bleak-looking place. Like nothing lives here..or wants to...'

Eventually I can make out a sign coming slowly into focus through the snowflakes...

.. Diablo Springs 10 miles

(Note: The real name of this town is not Diablo Springs, but the town in this story does indeed exist.. )

Diablo Springs 10 miles off the main highway? Hmm... I best take a chance on it, because God knows how far it is to the next town. There must be a gas station..a coffee shop..anything....I hope.

I see the turnoff now and pull the wounded trailer onto the secondary road towards the town, Diablo Springs..and wondered why I couldn't remember this town in my 35 years of travel through this area. 'How had I missed that sign before?' I thought. Odd, but what the heck...no big deal.

The inky blackness closed in around me as I drove the few miles down an unserviced road.. the windrows of hard-blown snow made speed bumps across the broken blacktop. Then I saw a dim light up ahead and thought, hey, that must be that hoped-for coffee shop or gas station...whew, I've made it.

Then the light came closer...closer..wha?..looks very strange?..ahhh...hey now...


What the HELL is that red grinning thing!!




Now I've seen some weird and alarming sights in my time, but seeing this evil-looking grin coming out of the snowy blackness was a little unsettling. I pulled past the ghostly apparition, throwing off my first impressions, and found a space to park for the night. I was very tired and had enough of this searching around in the middle of nowhere..I needed some sleep. Too hell with some neon nonsense. I turned the heater on low, cracked a window, and dozed off with the 'Welcome to Diablo Springs' thing grinning at me.




..Zzzzzzzzzzz....

Dawn came..and I awoke to...pretty much nothing.

There I was in the middle of a tiny little hamlet of deserted and rundown buildings. "So this is Diablo Springs?" Not a living soul in sight. No movement. No noise. Just stark silence and bone-chilling cold.....strange place, indeed, I think....

...Then from the distance there came an unearthly howl...

The whole scene had an eerie, surreal quality, like when you're on vacation in another city and "Jeopardy" comes on at 7 p.m. instead of 7:30

.
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I drove around the half-dozen or so blocks that made up this forsaken place and saw absolutely no sign of life anywhere..nada. No stores, no cafes, no nada. I drove around the outskirts.

I drove back into the little village center again..and Eureka! How did I miss this before?..there was this sign in plain view now:



I grabbed my cellphone and quickly called the number...ring, ring, ring, ring..

...."..yeah?" a low raspy voice answered.

Introducing myself, I explained what my problem was to the voice on the other end.

There was a long silence.. and then the voice said..

"..eeyeah?....where ya be? ar' ya alone? Cletis and me only takes cash."
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I hesitated briefly, thinking of hanging up..but the damn bearings needed fixing...so like a deer caught in the headlights, I replied, "I'm parked next to your sign. Yes, I'm alone, and cash is okay with me." Feeling proud, I would trust my fellow man. And after all, I'll keep alert..it'll be okay.

"Ya'll jest sit right there. Ah'll be along." came back the reply with a click.

After a few minutes, a delapitated old pickup comes chugging up to my rig and I think, 'Hmm..that old stepside looks like it's on it's last legs. Maybe this was not such a good idea?'

A grizzled character gets out of the pickup, dressed in coveralls..he was as tall as a six-foot-three-inch tree.... his weathered face resembling improperly cured leather that wouldn't even be used to make a coat or something...
he walks over to the trailer tire and gives it a massive kick that jolts the whole trailer a few inches on the ice.

."Sheee-it, pardnaw.. ya'll sho done a number on that, dint ya? It's plumb busted all t'hell n' gone.

Musta been dry s'bone fer a few hunderd miles...n'that there's gonna cost a pretty penny. Ma name's Gayheart. You says you is carrying cash?"

There was a strange smell coming from his direction. I stand back a bit as I say, "Hello, I'm glad to see you, too, and thanks for coming so quick. ..'whew'...ah... How much do you estimate it will cost ... and how soon can I get back on the road?"



Faster than a mechanic in a pit stop at Daytona, Gayheart has the tire and wheel off..and the guts of my burnt parts in his hand.

"Sheee-it. This here's yer problem. Burnt out fer chrissakes..and we ain't got no dang boat trailer parts around h'yah. Don't use no dang boats h'yah neither...ol Cletis is purdy handy with he throws some dynamite.

I got to go to all the way to dang Moab to get dem parts. Gonna be some travel expenses fer sure. Can't say as how it'll take only a day..be more like a few, I reckon. This here's Saturday already, and they ain't open on no dang Sundays.. them's churchgoers, y'know.

You best give me some gas money and parts money, too. These things ain't cheap. Coupla hundurd fer sure..I'll get em to give me a receipt..so ya can see ah ain't cheatin ya.



Sheee-it , look at that damn thing! Yup..jist burnt right out. Damn, boy..you did a number on that.







Say...Kinda nice looking feller, ain't cha? All nice and clean and all. Maybe ya'll should meet my brother, Cletis."
.

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I am thinking to myself..'In for a penny, in for a pound. Let's get the job done now, Rog, and cut our losses later.'

I said, "Okay,..uhh.. Gayheart, was it?...sounds good. Where's a safe place to leave my boat and trailer?"

"Well hell, park her right in Cletis's driveway. Ain't nobody fool 'nuff to bother nuttin around ol Cletis. He's a'soon shoot a trespassing varmit as look at ya."


We park it and quick as a whistle Gayheart has the trailer unhooked from my pickup and up on a jack...out of my hands now.

I look around the place a little.

From the looks of this sign, Cletis has objections to authority.


Hmmm... a mascot? Or Sunday dinner...?


Well, that boat and trailer are certainly going nowhere..wonder where ol' Cletis is?


Hmm...interesting lawn decor..horns and a skewered stuffed monkey....reminds me of Marde Gras voo-doo in New Orleans?


.
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Well...I left the boat with Gayheart and Cletis and beat a hasty path to nearby Green River, where I camped in a suite at the River Inn Spa for the next 3 days..keeping a healthy distance from the boys back in Diablo Springs. We kept in touch via cellphone every day. The boys needed some more money to pay for Cletis's new 30-06 barrel...seems he had worn out his old one shooting varmits and such.

I told them to call me when the trailer was ready for the highway..and I would bring the cash.
The call came that night. It was ready.
I said 'Good, see you in the morning..and thanks'."

The voice said, "Well shoot, we need ya'll to come now and get yer trailer... so we can have a little drink together to celebrate."

A warning light goes off.

I said I'd be there in an hour and hung up. Got my bags packed, checked my .357 in the console, filled with diesel, and drove the 40 miles to their shack.

Backed up to my boat trailer and hooked it up without making a racket.

Knocked on the door, went in, downed the offered can of Bud in 2-3 swallows, laid down the money, petted the 4 coon hounds inside at the moment, took their photo...

..then Gayheart gleefully showed me the busted mirror that had a 9mm hole when Cletis had exorcised the devil in it with his pistol..

...then I went out the door saying I was getting a 24-pack from my truck...

....then, to the music of dueling banjos on XM country,...decided it was a good time to HIT THE ROAD! Thanks, guys, for getting me going again.



"City Feller?... Ya'all come back now..h'yah? Ya'll should meet my brother, Cletis..?"

It's always an adventure to take those little detours into The Twilight Zone....isn't it?





[Edited on 7-8-2015 by Pompano]

Quote: Originally posted by Pompano

It's always an adventure to take those little detours into The Twilight Zone....isn't it?

WOW>>>!!! ... eerie, stange and a good story... damn good story... sigh.... ...thanks Pompano now I'll be awake all day long!!!!

Quote: Originally posted by elbeau

Great story Pompano! Thanks! Headed south through eastern Utah I sure hope you took time to play in Lake Powell. It's one of the best vacation places in the nation but nobody I talk to has ever been there.

Yes, elbeau, I certainly agree. I've had the pleasure of boating and fishing throughout Lake Powell several times. I believe my first trip was in the early-80's and right after it had reached 'full pool' depth. A very impressive and scenic area. Here's a pic of when I went looking for the Rainbow Bridge during our earlier visits to the lake. BTW, we had terrific fishing, also.

Quote: Originally posted by AKgringo

Yeah, the Dueling Banjos would be exit music for me too. I don't want to squeal like a pig!

That's eastern U.S.

Out in Utah-hah-hah you have to ba-a-a-ah like a sheep!

State Motto: "EAT UTAH LAMB. 300,000 coyotes can't be all wrong". Or, "Welcome to Utah! If you think our liquor laws are funny, you aught to see our underwear!"

BTW, I recognize the Book Cliffs in the background, and my guess it's a Li'l railroad town (one of two) about either 35 or 50 miles east of Green River on I-70. Just guessin'..... or, on Hwy 50-6 25 miles northwest. Am I close?

[Edited on 7-7-2015 by bajabuddha]

Thanks for the nice comments on this event, strange as it was...brrrr.

It's a fact that parts of Utah do have their share of 'unique' atmospheres, but not all are so strange. Indeed, many are very accommodating & enjoyable..like our Green River suite.

Now....where's that rubber ducky?

(P.S. Okay, CP, I did it and I win the bet...now pay me.)