BajaNomad

Really Upset

Gypsy Jan - 5-10-2013 at 06:58 PM

Well, I didn't want to use the "PO" phrase.

A very nice young girl who does work for us is pregnant.

Her boyfriend, who lives and works in the U.S.is all "OH BOY, what a man I am!"

He has no education and she has no education; she didn't graduate from high school.

I am so angry I can't even look or talk to to her and I am sputtering to myself like a madwoman. Her life is basically over. We have knowledge of young women who live in tin cans (abandoned trailers) around us with three or more children while their "husbands" go to the U.S. and find American women to support them.

I went and complained to the visiting priest and he told me that I had position in these matters.

[Edited on 5-11-2013 by Gypsy Jan]

DENNIS - 5-10-2013 at 07:00 PM

There are alternatives to child birth.

Ateo - 5-10-2013 at 07:10 PM

Sorry to hear about that. Kids, so easy to make, yet so hard to properly raise.

paranewbi - 5-10-2013 at 07:24 PM

Gypsy Jan; You can still be a postitive force in mitigating the temptation to follow in the footsteps of the 'tin can' moms. Now might be the best time to come along side this girl and keep her employed, counsel her in the times when those who celebrate this event are not the ones she can turn to, and foremost be at least what you have been in her life, a mentor.
You'll have her ear if you keep her heart.

Curt63 - 5-10-2013 at 07:27 PM

Quote:
Originally posted by Gypsy Jan
Her life is basically over.

I went and complained to the visiting priest and he told me that I had position in these matters.



Why is her life over?

What position do you have?

Its her life.

She is Not Seeking My Input

Gypsy Jan - 5-10-2013 at 07:34 PM

I just see her future.

BajaBlanca - 5-10-2013 at 07:44 PM

Her life, such as it was, is over.

But....my mom's maid, many moons ago in Brazil, got pregnant by her first boss and gave the daughter to her family to raise, so she could work.

Skip forward many years and she is working for my mom, who ok's her daughter moving in with us. Suely became part of our family. Skip forward more years and Lulu gets pregnant again and wants to have the baby. Is not interested in being with the father at all. My mom, a catholic, accepts the new baby into the family.

Skip forward again and Lulu gets cancer. Two years before she died, my mom and i discuss what will happen with the boy and i decide to adopt him. We plan to do this AFTER Lulu dies. However, one day she approaches my mom and asks her to give me a call (they are in Brazil and I live in California) to ask if I would like to adopt Rafael. Beautiful outcome to a very sad situation.

My kid is fun and crazy and mine and ornery and strong-willed and I love him.

So, life takes strange turns, Gypsy Jan. Your workers path will be VERY different but perhaps wonderful, in its own way. Cheer up and be there for her, she needs you now.

toneart - 5-10-2013 at 07:58 PM

Wow! Blanca, I never knew the circumstances of your adopting Rafa.
I watched him grow up into a fine young man. You are to be commended for the fine job you did in raising him and for taking on the adoption in the first place. :saint: I am proud to know you!

Tony (or "Toners" as you have always called me).

EnsenadaDr - 5-10-2013 at 08:09 PM

Gypsy, her life is not over!! You'd be surprised how resilient these young kids are. I have friends that graduated as Doctors and think they are doing fantastic making $500 pesos a day. My classmate came up to me in the street the other day and was beaming and said, "I am working at Walmart" (I guess they have a Doctor on the premises.) After 6 years of medical school. this was considered a great catch. Nobody makes a fortune down there anyway even if they do have a great education. And many Mexicans don't want to leave Mexico and move to the US...for whatever reason, one being they don't want to learn English. So take a big breath, and remove yourself from the situation...Mexico is NOT the USA...

toneart - 5-10-2013 at 08:15 PM

Quote:
Originally posted by Gypsy Jan
Well, I didn't want to use the "PO" phrase.

A very nice young girl who does work for us is pregnant.

Her boyfriend, who lives and works in the U.S.is all "OH BOY, what a man I am!"

He has no education and she has no education; she didn't graduate from high school.

I am so angry I can't even look or talk to to her and I am sputtering to myself like a madwoman. Her life is basically over. We have knowledge of young women who live in tin cans (abandoned trailers) around us with three or more children while their "husbands" go to the U.S. and find American women to support them.

I went and complained to the visiting priest and he told me that I had position in these matters.

[Edited on 5-11-2013 by Gypsy Jan]


Jan,

I can understand your shock. But this is a syndrome that is common. Forget the guy. He is a butthead and he is gone. Now she is left with her family and...you.

Hopefully your anger will pass and you can model a positive attitude for her. She needs this. She has seen it before, and she, her family and her friends (her culture)will mke the necessary adjustments. What is important is how she deals with it.

In a Catholic country, which shuns birth control, their belief is that God will provide. And somehow, she will get by with her baby. The good news is that she will have a baby to love and who will love her all her life. That you know her is a bonus. Give her love.

EnsenadaDr - 5-10-2013 at 08:22 PM

I agree. You know, the older I get, the more I love babies, they are just wonderful little people, and like it was mentioned, hopefully you will get past the anger and enjoy the baby and her mom...
Quote:
Originally posted by toneart
Quote:
Originally posted by Gypsy Jan
Well, I didn't want to use the "PO" phrase.

A very nice young girl who does work for us is pregnant.

Her boyfriend, who lives and works in the U.S.is all "OH BOY, what a man I am!"

He has no education and she has no education; she didn't graduate from high school.

I am so angry I can't even look or talk to to her and I am sputtering to myself like a madwoman. Her life is basically over. We have knowledge of young women who live in tin cans (abandoned trailers) around us with three or more children while their "husbands" go to the U.S. and find American women to support them.

I went and complained to the visiting priest and he told me that I had position in these matters.

[Edited on 5-11-2013 by Gypsy Jan]


Jan,

I can understand your shock. But this is a syndrome that is common. Forget the guy. He is a butthead and he is gone. Now she is left with her family and...you.

Hopefully your anger will pass and you can model a positive attitude for her. She needs this. She has seen it before, and she, her family and her friends (her culture)will mke the necessary adjustments. What is important is how she deals with it.

In a Catholic country, which shuns birth control, their belief is that God will provide. And somehow, she will get by with her baby. The good news is that she will have a baby to love and who will love her all her life. That you know her is a bonus. Give her love.

BajaBlanca - 5-10-2013 at 08:43 PM

thanks Toners ! I like knowing you too ....

I do hope everyone's input makes it easier, Jan, for you to deal with this situation.

Heather - 5-10-2013 at 09:22 PM

Jan, as a high school teacher for the last 20 years, I understand where you 're coming from! It always makes me a little sad when kids I had as Sophomores come back to show me their babies when they're seniors...or recent grads....it makes me sad, because they look so sad!

They see friends enjoying their teens...and they have lot bigger things to worry about! Many have moms ready to help out, because often the guys don't stick around for long!

I've also had male students bragging about having their babies...they generally get to stay in school...but on some you can see the pressure building up!

David K - 5-10-2013 at 09:41 PM

Her life isn't over, just a new chapter is beginning... If she is unwilling/ unable to be a mom at this time, there are many potential moms who would treasure the baby she is making and will give him/her the home needed.

bajamedic - 5-10-2013 at 10:20 PM

My second wife and I are raising one of her adopted daughter’s baby that was conceived during a one night stand, neither “parent” wanted her… she is now 3 years old. I too was angry when I heard about the situation, but I chose to be a positive influence in a little girl’s life. I am so glad her mother did not abort her as planned and even though this is not how I had planned to spend my retirement, I am very happy to be able to spend my life with a little angel and would not have it any other way. JH

paranewbi - 5-11-2013 at 05:59 AM

Bajamedic...what a blessing to have the time to devote to such a one as this! Your plans could have never matched the joy on your shoulders!

David K - 5-11-2013 at 07:57 AM

Awesome!:bounce:

durrelllrobert - 5-11-2013 at 08:07 AM

Quote:
Originally posted by EnsenadaDr
Gypsy, her life is not over!! You'd be surprised how resilient these young kids are. I have friends that graduated as Doctors and think they are doing fantastic making $500 pesos a day. My classmate came up to me in the street the other day and was beaming and said, "I am working at Walmart" (I guess they have a Doctor on the premises.) After 6 years of medical school. this was considered a great catch. Nobody makes a fortune down there anyway even if they do have a great education. And many Mexicans don't want to leave Mexico and move to the US...for whatever reason, one being they don't want to learn English. So take a big breath, and remove yourself from the situation...Mexico is NOT the USA...


My wife's doctor in Canada got his degree in Mexico City and finished schooling up there. He speaks pretty good Canadian, but not much English :P

desertcpl - 5-11-2013 at 08:14 AM

Quote:
Originally posted by bajamedic
My second wife and I are raising one of her adopted daughter’s baby that was conceived during a one night stand, neither “parent” wanted her… she is now 3 years old. I too was angry when I heard about the situation, but I chose to be a positive influence in a little girl’s life. I am so glad her mother did not abort her as planned and even though this is not how I had planned to spend my retirement, I am very happy to be able to spend my life with a little angel and would not have it any other way. JH





that is really hard to put in words, she looks like a little angel for sure, little cutie

DavidE - 5-11-2013 at 08:47 AM

Ann Landers offered a solution to prevent unwanted pregnancy aimed at women...

It involved the use of Aspirin...

"Open the bottle, remove a single tablet, clasp it between your knees..."