BajaNomad

Visit to Osprey and Washing the Cat

Pescador - 3-25-2014 at 07:13 AM

Those who have been on this board for awhile know that Osprey has a certain definite tendency toward making mischief, especially when Lynda is not home. You probably remember the time he put Rit Dye in a squirt gun and died some of the local hummingbirds various beautiful colors, and of course, the time he tried various liquors in the feeders to see which had the most effect on getting the birds inebriated.

I should have known that when we started telling fishing stories and enjoyed a couple of adult beverages we might have a small problem when I also noticed that Lynda was nowhere to be seen. It seems that she had adopted a cat that found its way to their house from the village and it did not seem to like Jorge very much.

After a couple of brewskis, Jorge asked if I would help him wash the cat and I wondered how one did that especially since cats hate the water. So we went in to the toilet and he put 3/8 of a cup of pet shampoo in the bowl. Next he had me hold the lid and he picked up the cat and started talking to it and stroking its fur as he carefully carried it into the bathroom. He instructed me to get ready to slam the lid when he dropped the cat in the water. He suggested that I might want to stand on the lid as the cat continued to agitate the water. He told me not to worry too much about the sounds emanating from the toilet as he set a timer for wash cycle. When the buzzer went off he said it was time for rinse, so he flushes the toilet several times to get rid of the soap. He then goes out and opens the front as well as the back door and tells me to get in behind the toilet and slowly lift the lid, letting the cat out. The cat explodes like a rocket from the toilet and swipes at everything in it's path. Sure enough it went out the front door and up into the tree where it stayed until it was dry and Lynda came home.

Lynda says the cat is acting strange but Jorge had finally cleaned the toilet like he was asked.

Disclaimer for the PETA members out there: No actual cat was harmed in the making of this story.

BajaBlanca - 3-25-2014 at 08:00 AM

Hahahaha! Funny!

kitty story

fishhead - 3-25-2014 at 08:16 AM

At least you didn't put it in the Maytag dryer...:O

watizname - 3-25-2014 at 08:32 AM

Too Funny :spingrin::spingrin::spingrin:

Russ - 3-25-2014 at 09:41 AM

I could do that :lol:

edit: If I had a cat :light:

[Edited on 3-25-2014 by Russ]

Osprey - 3-25-2014 at 09:55 AM

Pescador, you forgot to tell em about my dog Storm.

Dogma
Maybe I’ve watched too many Field Trials For Dogs programs on the tube. Maybe I obsessed about my first dog, Sparky, catching mullet under the bridge. For lots of reasons, I have always thought dogs possess more intelligence than humans give them credit for.

If positive reinforcement is an effective way to teach dogs it is also the reason I feel strongly about dog intelligence; many of the dogs I’ve owned have demonstrated extra-animal reason, nearly human cognition and volition.

Hunting dogs, Trial Series Dogs, Sight-Impaired Companion Dogs show us the extremes of their abilities only when challenged by handlers/owners/instructors to do the unexpected, to push the envelope, to be more than canines.

I won’t go into the Lassie syndrome stuff now but I will press my position by listing some of the extra-canine abilities I have been able to develop, enlarge upon with my dog Storm.

Storm is a mostly Brittany mix. A little larger than a Brittany. I got him (he got me) at the local animal adoption impound. He was just a pup. He’s six years old now. I’m 77 years old, no longer a pup. I’m still able to move about and I’m still active enough to be a good companion, teacher for the dog.

Since our very first days it has been my joy to try to teach him things people would find unthinkable for dogs. He doesn’t do tricks like you see on TV of the dog bringing the master the morning paper the kid throws up on the lawn. That’s old hat. You’ll find some surprises, as I did, in his successes and his failings.

• Cooking. He seems to undercook meat and fish, overcook vegetables. He will not steam at all. When boiling water for potatoes, pasta, etc. from time to time I catch him using water from the toilet, the pool or the fountain.

• Poker. He knows the numbers, the colors, the suits, the nuances of the game but when he gets a very good hand he cannot control his tail.


• If the wagers are dog biscuits or cookies (he’s a poor money handler) he tends to be less than conservative in his betting, often bets with a bravado some tournament players would deem reckless.

• Pranks. The microwave is shot. His $400 shock collar, when I retrieved it from the fountain, is toast.

• Bartending. He simply cannot distinguish the difference between an olive and an onion. I’m a martini man and I cannot abide this error. Scold I must. Once, sufficiently chided, he placed a proper olive in the drink, added a tiny paper cutout (from one of my favorite travel maps) of the state of Vermont. It is to laugh. He mistakes Vermont for Vermouth. To his credit I learned that Vermont has recently been declared a national disaster zone because of severe drought.

• When we walk to the beach for a swim he crashes out to save me, as though I were drowning. To be fair, when I swim, I do look like I’m drowning. My wife describes my breaststroke as my Deathstroke.

• Although I never taught him to do this, when hunting he not only retrieves my ducks, after the hunt he brings in all my decoys. He leaves the decoys of my hunting pals alone. I suspect he does that just to show up the other dogs in the blind.

• When we have parties, gatherings in the house, should there be a vapor, an offensive odor I need only to point a finger at the dog. He has been trained to hang his head, take the blame, let the real offender off the hook. The training sessions necessary to achieve this singular act of obedience were painful for both of us, sometimes strained our relationship but in the end, brought us even closer together.

DanO - 3-25-2014 at 10:47 AM

So I'm having a good chuckle at Pescador's cat story, when I read this:
Quote:
Originally posted by Osprey
• Bartending. He simply cannot distinguish the difference between an olive and an onion. I’m a martini man and I cannot abide this error. Scold I must. Once, sufficiently chided, he placed a proper olive in the drink, added a tiny paper cutout (from one of my favorite travel maps) of the state of Vermont. It is to laugh. He mistakes Vermont for Vermouth. To his credit I learned that Vermont has recently been declared a national disaster zone because of severe drought.

That is, without question, the funniest thing ever posted on this board. Ever. Trust me. I know.

[Edited on 3-25-2014 by DanO]

mulegemichael - 3-25-2014 at 11:06 AM

you are one funny man, jorge!

watizname - 3-25-2014 at 11:25 AM

Now all you gotta do is teach HIM how to clean the toilet with the cat, and you can really retire. ;D

Pescador - 3-25-2014 at 12:38 PM

Actually, if the truth be known, it was Jorge's dog who originally wrote that story. It was completely his idea and he signed the letter, the dog.;D;D

wessongroup - 3-25-2014 at 02:48 PM

Great stuff ... :):)

larryC - 3-25-2014 at 03:13 PM

Pescador
Either your cat is more trusting than my wife's cat or my wife's cat is meaner than yours 'cause I tried to put it into the toilet and it refused. I still have the scars to prove it. If you look up "putting a cat in the toilet" on google it is listed under the "impossible tasks". Great story.
Larry

Pescador - 3-25-2014 at 03:31 PM

Quote:
Originally posted by larryC
Pescador
Either your cat is more trusting than my wife's cat or my wife's cat is meaner than yours 'cause I tried to put it into the toilet and it refused. I still have the scars to prove it. If you look up "putting a cat in the toilet" on google it is listed under the "impossible tasks". Great story.
Larry


Actually we used a wee bit of the hummingbird feeder nectar, to help subdue the cat. Milk of Tequila I think., No maybe that was what we were drinking, it is hard to remember at this age, but as clearly as I remember, the cat went pretty easily until it figured out the lid was closed. Then things changed quickly.

tiotomasbcs - 3-26-2014 at 03:26 AM

I'm with the rest, The Best! I'm still laughing. :spingrin: One story after another in brilliant/jaded fashion. Thanks, Amigos. Tio

oladulce - 3-26-2014 at 07:17 AM

That is funny stuff

Not my dog Storm but...

Osprey - 3-26-2014 at 09:15 AM



dog cartoon.jpg - 31kB

baja43 - 3-27-2014 at 08:50 AM

Those stories are great.
You people are nutz.
I love laughing and making other folks laugh, too.
Since none of you know me, I am going to adopt the stories as my own and spread the grins and giggles.
Thx