Pescador
Ultra Nomad
Posts: 3587
Registered: 10-17-2002
Location: Baja California Sur
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Visit to Osprey and Washing the Cat
Those who have been on this board for awhile know that Osprey has a certain definite tendency toward making mischief, especially when Lynda is not
home. You probably remember the time he put Rit Dye in a squirt gun and died some of the local hummingbirds various beautiful colors, and of course,
the time he tried various liquors in the feeders to see which had the most effect on getting the birds inebriated.
I should have known that when we started telling fishing stories and enjoyed a couple of adult beverages we might have a small problem when I also
noticed that Lynda was nowhere to be seen. It seems that she had adopted a cat that found its way to their house from the village and it did not seem
to like Jorge very much.
After a couple of brewskis, Jorge asked if I would help him wash the cat and I wondered how one did that especially since cats hate the water. So we
went in to the toilet and he put 3/8 of a cup of pet shampoo in the bowl. Next he had me hold the lid and he picked up the cat and started talking to
it and stroking its fur as he carefully carried it into the bathroom. He instructed me to get ready to slam the lid when he dropped the cat in the
water. He suggested that I might want to stand on the lid as the cat continued to agitate the water. He told me not to worry too much about the
sounds emanating from the toilet as he set a timer for wash cycle. When the buzzer went off he said it was time for rinse, so he flushes the toilet
several times to get rid of the soap. He then goes out and opens the front as well as the back door and tells me to get in behind the toilet and
slowly lift the lid, letting the cat out. The cat explodes like a rocket from the toilet and swipes at everything in it's path. Sure enough it went
out the front door and up into the tree where it stayed until it was dry and Lynda came home.
Lynda says the cat is acting strange but Jorge had finally cleaned the toilet like he was asked.
Disclaimer for the PETA members out there: No actual cat was harmed in the making of this story.
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BajaBlanca
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Posts: 13195
Registered: 10-28-2008
Location: La Bocana, BCS
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Hahahaha! Funny!
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fishhead
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Mood: upbeat
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kitty story
At least you didn't put it in the Maytag dryer...
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watizname
Senior Nomad
Posts: 772
Registered: 8-7-2009
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Too Funny 
I yam what I yam and that\'s all what I yam.
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Russ
Elite Nomad
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Location: Punta Chivato
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I could do that 
edit: If I had a cat 
[Edited on 3-25-2014 by Russ]
Bahia Concepcion where life starts...given a chance!
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Osprey
Ultra Nomad
Posts: 3694
Registered: 5-23-2004
Location: Baja Ca. Sur
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Pescador, you forgot to tell em about my dog Storm.
Dogma
Maybe I’ve watched too many Field Trials For Dogs programs on the tube. Maybe I obsessed about my first dog, Sparky, catching mullet under the
bridge. For lots of reasons, I have always thought dogs possess more intelligence than humans give them credit for.
If positive reinforcement is an effective way to teach dogs it is also the reason I feel strongly about dog intelligence; many of the dogs I’ve owned
have demonstrated extra-animal reason, nearly human cognition and volition.
Hunting dogs, Trial Series Dogs, Sight-Impaired Companion Dogs show us the extremes of their abilities only when challenged by
handlers/owners/instructors to do the unexpected, to push the envelope, to be more than canines.
I won’t go into the Lassie syndrome stuff now but I will press my position by listing some of the extra-canine abilities I have been able to develop,
enlarge upon with my dog Storm.
Storm is a mostly Brittany mix. A little larger than a Brittany. I got him (he got me) at the local animal adoption impound. He was just a pup.
He’s six years old now. I’m 77 years old, no longer a pup. I’m still able to move about and I’m still active enough to be a good companion, teacher
for the dog.
Since our very first days it has been my joy to try to teach him things people would find unthinkable for dogs. He doesn’t do tricks like you see on
TV of the dog bringing the master the morning paper the kid throws up on the lawn. That’s old hat. You’ll find some surprises, as I did, in his
successes and his failings.
• Cooking. He seems to undercook meat and fish, overcook vegetables. He will not steam at all. When boiling water for potatoes, pasta, etc. from
time to time I catch him using water from the toilet, the pool or the fountain.
• Poker. He knows the numbers, the colors, the suits, the nuances of the game but when he gets a very good hand he cannot control his tail.
• If the wagers are dog biscuits or cookies (he’s a poor money handler) he tends to be less than conservative in his betting, often bets with a
bravado some tournament players would deem reckless.
• Pranks. The microwave is shot. His $400 shock collar, when I retrieved it from the fountain, is toast.
• Bartending. He simply cannot distinguish the difference between an olive and an onion. I’m a martini man and I cannot abide this error. Scold I
must. Once, sufficiently chided, he placed a proper olive in the drink, added a tiny paper cutout (from one of my favorite travel maps) of the state
of Vermont. It is to laugh. He mistakes Vermont for Vermouth. To his credit I learned that Vermont has recently been declared a national disaster
zone because of severe drought.
• When we walk to the beach for a swim he crashes out to save me, as though I were drowning. To be fair, when I swim, I do look like I’m drowning.
My wife describes my breaststroke as my Deathstroke.
• Although I never taught him to do this, when hunting he not only retrieves my ducks, after the hunt he brings in all my decoys. He leaves the
decoys of my hunting pals alone. I suspect he does that just to show up the other dogs in the blind.
• When we have parties, gatherings in the house, should there be a vapor, an offensive odor I need only to point a finger at the dog. He has been
trained to hang his head, take the blame, let the real offender off the hook. The training sessions necessary to achieve this singular act of
obedience were painful for both of us, sometimes strained our relationship but in the end, brought us even closer together.
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DanO
Super Nomad
Posts: 1923
Registered: 8-26-2003
Location: Not far from the Pacific
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So I'm having a good chuckle at Pescador's cat story, when I read this:
| Quote: | Originally posted by Osprey
• Bartending. He simply cannot distinguish the difference between an olive and an onion. I’m a martini man and I cannot abide this error. Scold I
must. Once, sufficiently chided, he placed a proper olive in the drink, added a tiny paper cutout (from one of my favorite travel maps) of the state
of Vermont. It is to laugh. He mistakes Vermont for Vermouth. To his credit I learned that Vermont has recently been declared a national disaster
zone because of severe drought.
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That is, without question, the funniest thing ever posted on this board. Ever. Trust me. I know.
[Edited on 3-25-2014 by DanO]
\"Without deviation from the norm, progress is not possible.\" -- Frank Zappa
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mulegemichael
Super Nomad
Posts: 2310
Registered: 12-24-2007
Location: sequim,wa. and mulege
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Mood: up on step
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you are one funny man, jorge!
dyslexia is never having to say you\'re yrros.
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watizname
Senior Nomad
Posts: 772
Registered: 8-7-2009
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Now all you gotta do is teach HIM how to clean the toilet with the cat, and you can really retire. 
I yam what I yam and that\'s all what I yam.
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Pescador
Ultra Nomad
Posts: 3587
Registered: 10-17-2002
Location: Baja California Sur
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Actually, if the truth be known, it was Jorge's dog who originally wrote that story. It was completely his idea and he signed the letter, the
dog.
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wessongroup
Platinum Nomad
Posts: 21152
Registered: 8-9-2009
Location: Mission Viejo
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Mood: Suicide Hot line ... please hold
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Great stuff ... 
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larryC
Super Nomad
Posts: 1493
Registered: 8-11-2008
Location: BoLA
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Pescador
Either your cat is more trusting than my wife's cat or my wife's cat is meaner than yours 'cause I tried to put it into the toilet and it refused. I
still have the scars to prove it. If you look up "putting a cat in the toilet" on google it is listed under the "impossible tasks". Great story.
Larry
Off grid, 12-190 watt evergreen solar panels on solar trackers, 2-3648 stacked Outback inverters, 610ah LiFePo4 48v battery bank, FM 60 and MX60
Outback charge controllers, X-240 Outback transformer for 240v from inverters, 6500 watt Kubota diesel generator.
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Pescador
Ultra Nomad
Posts: 3587
Registered: 10-17-2002
Location: Baja California Sur
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| Quote: | Originally posted by larryC
Pescador
Either your cat is more trusting than my wife's cat or my wife's cat is meaner than yours 'cause I tried to put it into the toilet and it refused. I
still have the scars to prove it. If you look up "putting a cat in the toilet" on google it is listed under the "impossible tasks". Great story.
Larry |
Actually we used a wee bit of the hummingbird feeder nectar, to help subdue the cat. Milk of Tequila I think., No maybe that was what we were
drinking, it is hard to remember at this age, but as clearly as I remember, the cat went pretty easily until it figured out the lid was closed. Then
things changed quickly.
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tiotomasbcs
Super Nomad
Posts: 1837
Registered: 7-30-2007
Location: El Pescadero
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I'm with the rest, The Best! I'm still laughing. One story after
another in brilliant/jaded fashion. Thanks, Amigos. Tio
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oladulce
Super Nomad
Posts: 1625
Registered: 5-30-2005
Location: bcs
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That is funny stuff
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Osprey
Ultra Nomad
Posts: 3694
Registered: 5-23-2004
Location: Baja Ca. Sur
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Not my dog Storm but...
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baja43
Junior Nomad
Posts: 53
Registered: 12-21-2004
Location: Vista/Colonet
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Those stories are great.
You people are nutz.
I love laughing and making other folks laugh, too.
Since none of you know me, I am going to adopt the stories as my own and spread the grins and giggles.
Thx
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