Oso
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For Dave, Steph & ?
While searching for jokes in Spanish, I stumbled on to this site and thought you might enjoy it:
http://www.aish.com/espanol/chistes/chiste6.asp
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Bajabus
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nice find, I especially like these two:
MATEMATICAS DE LAS COMPRAS
Un hombre va a pagar $ 2 por un articulo de $1 que necesita
Una mujer va a pagar $ 1 por un articulo de $2 que no necesita
ECUACIONES GENERALES Y ESTADISTICAS
Una mujer se preocupa por el futuro hasta que consigue un marido
Un hombre nunca se preocupa por el futuro hasta que consigue una esposa
Un hombre exitoso es aquel que hace mas dinero del que su mujer puede gastar
Una mujer exitosa es aquella que puede encontrar a ese hombre
"Preventive war was an invention of Hitler. Frankly I would not even listen to anyone seriously that came and talked of such a thing."
Dwight David Eisenhower
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Oso
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Ay, pero que machista eres, Maximiliano!
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Stephanie Jackter
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| Quote: | Originally posted by Oso
Ay, pero que machista eres, Maximiliano! |
Pues, tiene que adoptar el actitud apropiado para nacionalizarse. - Stephanie
When the goin' gets tough, the wierd turn pro
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Anonymous
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si mon
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Anonymous
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oops thats me bajabus I'm on a strange PC
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Oso
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Judaismohoy.com
I've been back to this site a couple times and the jokes just keep getting better. You need to trim the end off of the link in order to skip that
particular segment and start from the homepage. They are now on installment #16 of chistes and this one is all Rabbi jokes. Some of them are rather
long. Here's a couple of my favorites, translated:
Two women appear before the Rabbi with a family dispute regarding a handsome young man from a wealthy family. Each maintains that the young man has
been with her daughter and should marry her. The argument is endless and shrill. The Rabbi recalls the wisdom of Solomon in the story of the baby
and the two women claiming to be the true mother, and so he says " We will cut him in half and you shall each have a piece of him".
Woman #1, in a furious tone of voice, says "Fine, it's all the same to me. Cut him in half!"
Woman #2 crys out, "No! The poor boy. Don't do that! Let her have all of him."
The Rabbi pronounces his judgement: "Number one is the true mother-in-law. The deal's hers."
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A Rabbi and his disciple are leaving a Yeshiva in New York, when suddenly a ten dollar bill falls out of the Reb's pocket. He bends over and picks it
up. The horrified student exclaims, "Rabbi! It's the Sabbath! It's a sin to touch money." The Rabbi looks at him and says, "Ten bucks? You call
that money?"
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Stephanie Jackter
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Oi Vay! (misp)
My Jewish ancestors are probably rolling in their graves at the negative stereotypes that may one day bring on another holocaust, but here's another
cute one....
A priest, minister and rabbi were playing their usual Wednesday round of golf, and started discussing their weekly collections. Specifically, they
started to compare how they decided what portion of the collection to keep for themselves and what portion to give to the Lord.
The priest explains, "I draw a circle around myself and toss the money in the air. Whatever lands in the circle I keep for myself. What ever lands
outside the circle, I give to God."
The minister says, "Yes, I use a similar method, except that whatever lands inside the circle I give to God, and whatever lands outside the circle I
keep for my personal needs."
The rabbi then proclaims, "Brothers we are in agreement! I use the same method, as well. Except, that when I toss the money in the air, and I figure
that whatever God wants He can keep..."
When the goin' gets tough, the wierd turn pro
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Oso
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Otro
It's been said that when Golda Meir visited Washington, President Nixon expressed admiration for Israeli military strategy and proposed an exchange of
generals.
"Which ones do you want?", asked PM Meir.
"General Dayan and General Rabin", said Nixon. "And which ones of ours do you want?"
Golda replies: "General Electric and General Motors."
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thebajarunner
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Rabbi and the priest
The rabbi and the priest, being very good friends, and out on a remote stroll decide to compare notes about personal things.
"Rabbi, your people are strongly opposed to the eating of pork. Yet, have you ever succumbed, in a weak moment, and tasted this meat?" asks the
priest.
"Well father, once, in a weak moment, I did falter, and I ate a ham sandwich."
After a few moments the rabbi asks " and you, father, your faith teaches that you must never indulge in sins of the flesh, have you, my friend, ever
given in to this practice."
"Well," sez the priest, "just once, in a weak moment, while counseling a lovely young woman, well, yes, I did once give in to this sinful deed."
A few quiet moments pass, then the rabbi, stroking his beard, smiles and says, "Sure beats a ham sandwich, doesn't it?"
Baja Arriba!!
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Dave
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The rabbi, an avid golfer, on his way home from Sabbath morning services, passes the golf course and gives in to the temptation.
G-d, all knowing, is watching and decides to teach him a lesson.
The rabbi tees it up on #1, a 540-yard par 5. He hits a monstrous drive, which rolls onto the green and into the cup. This continues, hole after hole.
Moses, who has been watching the whole affair asks, "How are to teaching him a lesson, one hole in one after another?"
To which G-d replies, "So, who's he gonna tell?"
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Oso
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G-D?
Dave,
I've noticed that on the judaismohoy.com site, they also use "D'os" rather than spell it out. Can you explain to us goyim what this is all about?
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Stephanie Jackter
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I don't know the answer to that one....
.....but I always use the agnostic, "little g" version. - Stephanie
When the goin' gets tough, the wierd turn pro
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Dave
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| Quote: | Originally posted by Oso
Dave,
I've noticed that on the judaismohoy.com site, they also use "D'os" rather than spell it out. Can you explain to us goyim what this is all about?
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I do it because it became a habit as a result of my hyper-observant upbringing. Religious Jews do it out of respect for G-D's name. Some Jews don't
even say G-D, but they will refer to him as Hashem, which is 'the name' in Hebrew.
Here lately, as a result of the mess the World is in, I've taken to screaming at him but it seems to do no good. We've gotten ourselves into this mess
and I suspect we will have to get out on our own. Free will is a mutha'.
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Oso
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the name
So it has something to do with taking the name of the Lord in vain? (Where I was brought up, this meant using any cuss-word at all, even "gosh darn")
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