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flyfishinPam
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American/Canadian or Euro with a Mexican spouse
Hi there,
wondering if anyone in this forum that is American or Canadian or european with a Mexican spouse has gone through planning a will or testamento?
I am doing this right now with my Mexican spouse and he is getting angry and hurt because he thinks I want him to die and or just doesn't want to deal
with it. Is this a typical reaction? I'm going through it anyway as we have property and children to make these plans for in case anything happens
to one of us. I explained (and continue to explain) to him that this is for me, for the children and him in case anything happens to either one of
us. Its not as though I enjoy planning our accidental or natural deaths but I do want those who get left behind to be protected in case death does
happen.
anyone gone through this before?
what kind of reaction did you get out of your Mexican spouse when setting up these kinds of documents?
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bancoduo
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It called MACHISMO. Hope things work out for you
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Bruce R Leech
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very good planing Pam. just tell him that if you did not care for him you would not bother with it.
Bruce R Leech
Ensenada
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Paladin
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Pam
I'm married to a Mexican and that is exactly how she is and her entire family. It seems they dont want to worry about it so they dont want to discuss
it. Also it might be part of their history that their family will all stick together so why worry??
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zunigan
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Very typical. When I did this 1 year ago my husband who is in Mexico called and wanted to know if I was going to die. He is 24 years younger and I
wanted to make sure that if something did happen he would recieve everything that was his. It took some talking to make him understand why I would do
this. I think he understands why, and because I am here in the us and he is there, it was even harder for him to deal with. But until I can get
everything settled here I can't move yet.
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Baja Bernie
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Pam
If you can get a hold of Eli I'll bet she could give you some real insight into this.
[Edited on 6-27-2006 by Baja Bernie]
My smidgen of a claim to fame is that I have had so many really good friends. By Bernie Swaim December 2007
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flyfishinPam
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thanks I'd love to talk with Eli but from that name I thought she was a man. I convinced Francisco that we really need to do this. Last night we sat
down and talked seriously as all was quiet, kids in bed house all to ourselves even though we'd been putting in 20 hour days for that past few weeks.
I knew it would work out and I'm glad it wasn't only me, that this is a typical reaction and I wasn't going crazy.
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Al G
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This is quite possibly the best thread I have read so for.
I have thought for a while this may be one of the greatest pitfalls in Mexican marriages. My very limited knowledge of the subject has led me to
believe in the Mexican male dominated family, your land and possession might become group/family property. I'm guessing here, but you would not be put
out, though you may lose your independence to the family. I hope you feel the same as I and will pursue at all cost. Title to land is another subject
as it seems to me few Mexicans hold independent title, more word of mouth family title. The next family male could just take over.
I am maybe way over board and hopefully someone can set me straight.
Albert G
Remember, if you haven\'t got a smile on your face and laughter in your heart, then you are just a sour old fart!....
The most precious thing we have is life, yet it has absolutely no trade-in value.
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Bruce R Leech
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good stuff Al G I have run into that alto with land titles. when they want to Finley sell out of the family they find thet there titles are in areal
mess. also my wifes family has all there titles in this mess.
Bruce R Leech
Ensenada
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Sallysouth
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Pam, Bernie has sent you a very good idea. Eli is the daughter of the late Jimmy Smith and has a business and property in Baja, along with members of
her family being of Mexican descent .She is a very smart and knowledgeable woman one whom I would ask advice from any day! Maybe find one of her posts
or replies and U2U her?? Good luck on this and I hope you get your answers you are looking for. Good on ya for steping up and securing your families
future!
Happiness is just a Baja memory away...
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flyfishinPam
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Hi there again! I think the negative reactions I got at first from Francisco were because of the fact that Mexican folks tend not to plan for
anything except fiestas. Our notario suggested that we put our title into our childrens name (3 and 6 years old). I told him that that wasn't going
to happen as when Loreto grows too large we will be selling and leaving. His look was classic being a several generation decendant Loretano he is
typical of folks here and wouldn't dream of leaving. I've always been a drifter and won't live here for life but have set some roots for awhile while
the kids grow up. (This is a GREAT place to raise kids! except for the schools, so I home school). Anyway the most convincing argument I presented
to my better half was that if he were to pass on too soon, that I would want to sell off and leave. So I convinced him that he has to give me the
freedom to do that if the unfortunate incident ever happens. If it were my passing he will never have a problem but we will also set up instructions
on getting both children educated (even the girl!) and financially taken care of. Well can't wait to get past this and kick back!
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elizabeth
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Glad that you worked it out...and it was interesting to read the comments here from others.
Judging from what friends and family have said, I think it may be a universal male issue rather than nationality specific!
I have a friend who does wills and trusts who says most men have to brought to the table kicking and screaming, they agree to fill out the
questionnaire she gives them, but somehow never have time to do it! It's most always the women who recognize the need, and it's almost always a
struggle to get men to comply.
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Cincodemayo
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This thread seems to be taking a female version of cheauvanistic....struggle to get males to comply?
Don\'t get mad...
Get EVEN.
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Baja Bernie
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Sally/Pam
Funny, Eli picked that name because she felt that it was gender neutral and it was. I thought she was a guy for a short time and I believe that most
others thought the same.
Her friends call her Sara now because she prefers it. One smart lady that I would never hesitate to seek advise from.
Not only is she a great business person she is a building contractor who is/was successful in a male dominated field in Mexico. She is also an
acccomplished artist who owns her own gallary.
Just for fun she acts in a Shakespear (spelling) festival each year in the East Cape. Even more than this she is a very expressive writer who
creates her own words--and you know what she means.
Yeah! One smart lady. And I envy her because she goes to Oxaca every year to get away from the heat of Baja. One poor lady. Ha!
My smidgen of a claim to fame is that I have had so many really good friends. By Bernie Swaim December 2007
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Baja Bernie
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Ask Eli
My smidgen of a claim to fame is that I have had so many really good friends. By Bernie Swaim December 2007
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thebajarunner
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My esposa (Guadalajara born) got furious when I told her that my daughter was designated as executrix of my estate.
It took days to convince her that my daughter would manage, and my wife would inherit....
oh well, finally got through, I think,
It even did not sink in when I gave the example of two estates that I was currently managing as executor.... she still was convinced that it was all a
scheme..
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Eli
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Well, of course I have been lurking around reading here and there without much of anything worth saying. Sure looks to me that in all accountings, all
bases have been very well covered.
ELIzabeth truly is my middle name. I never saw why my gender need be of any consequence in what I have to say.
Since Benito Juarez passed out the land grants, and most likely way before then, the Oldest or favored son receives his father?s property,
inevitability causing feuds when the family head passes on. Mom is taken care of, that is a cultural given, (well, anyway most times), but the
property tittles have in past been in the oldest sons name. I think the times are changing in regard to this, but resolving these tittles has
certainly been a relevant issue for folks trying to buy and develop in Mexico.
Pam, no matter how large or small your families holdings are; you are so right to get this document resolved once and for all and get on with your
lives; You are certainly protecting your husband, your children and yourself. Looks like you are including in this will who will be guardian of your
estate and watch over your children if either your husband and or yourself passes on while your children are minors. I expect that would be the most
important issue to secure in a written understanding.
Aside, some folks do have an inner feeling that if they prepare for death, they are provoking it. So, I do think compassion and patience would be in
order dealing with someone who had those issues. I don?t know that they be particularly of a cultural consequence, I get a little of the hibby gibbies
when I deal with this stuff, yuck. I would postpone it to the death (jeje) if I thought I could get away with it. Who wants to deal with this stuff?
I didn?t get around to doing my will until my daughter was having her and her husbands drawn up and offered to get my done at the same time. By the
way, her husband is home grown here in Buena Vista, and all though his machismo has raised it?s head in regard to other issues, he was completely in
agreement with getting the wills resolved. Oh, and he is head of family, holding land tittle for his Mother?s property and home, and the family
ranch. Some things don't change all that easy.
[Edited on 6-30-2006 by Eli]
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Baja Bernie
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bajarunner
You told me that you love and depend on your wife and now you are trying to cut her out of your will--what a guy!
My smidgen of a claim to fame is that I have had so many really good friends. By Bernie Swaim December 2007
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Al G
Ultra Nomad
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Location: Todos Santos/Full time for now...
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I know it is the person that handle the distribution of the deceased person's property. ...
Maybe someone can break this down a little more.............
I thought an attorney did this in probate and reading of the will. As you can tell I haven't passed yet so don't know alot about it.
Albert G
Remember, if you haven\'t got a smile on your face and laughter in your heart, then you are just a sour old fart!....
The most precious thing we have is life, yet it has absolutely no trade-in value.
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Baja Bernie
`Normal` Nomad Correspondent
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Lencho
Yes, Mr. Larry I was joking and I know the runner. I also understand a few legal terms.
I have been the male kind of those things on more than one occasion.
My smidgen of a claim to fame is that I have had so many really good friends. By Bernie Swaim December 2007
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