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flyfishinPam
Super Nomad
Posts: 1727
Registered: 8-20-2003
Location: Loreto, BCS
Member Is Offline
Mood: gone fishin'
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Nomad in need of help
Hi there,
I would like to have contact with any Nomads who are married (or otherwise) to a Mexican who has children from a previous relationship.
I am having serious issues with my spouse's adult children and would like some advice from someone who's been there so to speak. I never had children
before and now I have two, which are great but the problem issues I have are with my spouse's adult sons, two of which are serious drug addicts
(methamphetamine) and constantly come to either their dad or their mom for assistance. My husband and I work our asses off while these two
twentysomethings sit around watching tv (living at mom's house), can't find a job but seem to find money to spend on drugs. I am at my wits end now
and am buying the book "tough love". I have it in my shopping cart on amazon.com along with a few others which deal with this sort of situation but
I can't find anything to that equavalent in espanol! Are there books out there that deal with these issues in espanol? I will buy
in english (and read it to my other half) but its not only my spouse that need to read these it its also his ex-wife (she actually needs it more).
Please U2U me, thanks!
Pam
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Bruce R Leech
Elite Nomad
Posts: 6796
Registered: 9-20-2004
Location: Ensenada formerly Mulege
Member Is Offline
Mood: A lot cooler than Mulege
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Pam My hart goes out to you and yours. you are having to deal with the toughest thing there is. pm me if you want to talk more about these things.
god bless you
Bruce R Leech
Ensenada
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Diver
Ultra Nomad
Posts: 4729
Registered: 11-15-2004
Member Is Offline
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What about those guys that are always collecting money for drug rehab ?
Is they possibly someone that could come and talk to your husband and his ex-wife and explain .... ?
.
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bajamigo
Super Nomad
Posts: 1218
Registered: 6-17-2006
Location: Punta Banda, BC
Member Is Offline
Mood: hubimos llegado
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You are in a difficult situation, and I hope I don't sound unsympathetic, but your spouse needs to step up to the plate and throw these guys out.
You're obviously someone who cares, but reading won't tell you much more than to get rid of them. If you love someone, set them free.
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Skipjack Joe
Elite Nomad
Posts: 8084
Registered: 7-12-2004
Location: Bahia Asuncion
Member Is Offline
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Your husband needs to learn to say NO.
Once they hear that, they will learn to become adults.
-- sorry bajamigo, looks we were writing the same thing at the same time
[Edited on 4-28-2008 by Skipjack Joe]
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Bruce R Leech
Elite Nomad
Posts: 6796
Registered: 9-20-2004
Location: Ensenada formerly Mulege
Member Is Offline
Mood: A lot cooler than Mulege
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you Nomads must understand that Mexican culture is very different in the way they deal with these kind of things. that is why Pam is in a situation
that is twice as difficult as if it were you with your family.
Bruce R Leech
Ensenada
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smlslikfish
Junior Nomad
Posts: 75
Registered: 12-30-2003
Member Is Offline
Mood: La Costilla Bound
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Pam, Try Alanon. It definitely works. There is Spanish language material available. Do a google search for Alanon and you'll have no problem finding a
central office that can help you. Good Luck
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Lee
Ultra Nomad
Posts: 3509
Registered: 10-2-2006
Location: High in the Colorado Rockies
Member Is Offline
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The Marine's have lowered their standards -- send them to Iraq.
| Quote: | Originally posted by flyfishinPam
I have are with my spouse's adult sons, two of which are serious drug addicts (methamphetamine) and constantly come to either their dad or their mom
for assistance. |
IF I had one or more son's who were ''serious drug addicts, I'd give them 2 choices: rehab or jail -- and I'd personally bust them. But that's
just me and you sound like you have way's to go with tough love.
| Quote: | Originally posted by flyfishinPam
My husband and I work our burros off while these two twentysomethings sit around watching tv (living at mom's house), can't find a job but seem to
find money to spend on drugs. I am at my wits end now and am buying the book "tough love".
Pam |
Here's half of the problem. Two adults ''supporting'' to ''serious addicts'' sitting around watching TV? You need professional help -- along
with the boys. Hope this doesn't sound too tough -- doesn't look like the boy's have ever had ''tough.''
I do empathize with this situation. Everytime I see a meth head wandering around SoCal, I want to smack them.
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flyfishinPam
Super Nomad
Posts: 1727
Registered: 8-20-2003
Location: Loreto, BCS
Member Is Offline
Mood: gone fishin'
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Hi there, thanks for the support and this is a very difficult time for me but it will turn out one of two ways. either dad will see things my way or
he'ss take the highway. After about ten years of this I give up.
I am for buying those loser kids one way tickets to MAzatlan and bringing them to the ferry terminal. That would be good for them. At this point I
am finding out that there doesn't seem to be any tough love kind of program in Spanish, possibly because parents don't understand the word enabler.
This is also a new word for me and now I am facing it and learning a lot about it.
Just to be clear these loser kids don't live with us, I kicked them out a couple of years ago, they live with their mom. And dad, my spouse, is on a
seriously unecessary guilt trip. since there's no counseling here in Loreto I will look into the Alanon meetings as those are here. Thanks for the
advice and everything I gotta run but will come back to read soon.
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flyfishinPam
Super Nomad
Posts: 1727
Registered: 8-20-2003
Location: Loreto, BCS
Member Is Offline
Mood: gone fishin'
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money for the rehab center
| Quote: | Originally posted by Diver
What about those guys that are always collecting money for drug rehab ?
Is they possibly someone that could come and talk to your husband and his ex-wife and explain .... ?
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my advice would be to tell them to go get a job. they don't want to work for money they only want yu to give it to them, and that's what they teach
the recovering addicts. My spouse wants to take this son of his to the rehab center. I don't even remember how many time he's been there 12, 13, 14,
15???? It doesn't work, they are losers and the only ones who have really recovered at these centers are the strong willed and/or the religious. The
centros de rehabilitacion here are absolutely useless!
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elizabeth
Senior Nomad
Posts: 742
Registered: 7-30-2004
Location: Loreto, BCS
Member Is Offline
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Pam,
I can't offer any advice from personal experience, but I have seen, in my work, and in some families of friends, how enabling drug addicted kids
works. It happens across cultural lines, and most of the addicted clients I have met have had someone who continually picked up their pieces. You
have gotten good advice about alanon. There are some self help books about codependency that are translated into Spanish, but I haven't read them, so
can't say how good, applicable to your situation, or useful they might be.
They are all by Melody Beattie, and titles are:
Ya No Seas Codependiente
Mas Alla Codependencia, and
Liberate de la Codependencia
I could pick one of them up for you if you like and bring it down the end of May with me...
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fishbuck
Banned
Posts: 5318
Registered: 8-31-2006
Member Is Offline
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I went through a 1 year drug/alcohol class here in SoCal. It was as a result of a custody hearing between me and my ex.
She had a serious drinking problem but ofcourse told the judge I was the problem. So we both had to go through a class.
I met alot of meth addicted people there. They were only there on court order. They were all in serious denial and I really doubt any recovered.
Most end up dead or in jail.
It sounds bad but jail is actually the best place for them. It's not impossible to get drugs in jail but very difficult.
"A ship in harbor is safe, but that is not what ships are built for." J. A. Shedd.
A clever person solves a problem. A wise person avoids it. – Albert Einstein
"Life's a Beach... and then you Fly!" Fishbuck
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vandenberg
Elite Nomad
Posts: 5118
Registered: 6-21-2005
Location: Nopolo
Member Is Offline
Mood: mellow
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Pam,
Take'm fishing, 50 miles out. Make it a one way trip.
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sylens
Senior Nomad
Posts: 584
Registered: 4-6-2005
Location: Ensenada
Member Is Offline
Mood: ando bajando
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lots of useful info here, and the concept of anthropogringoism is, imho, the most useful for dealing with this and other issues nomads post about.
i'm thinking especially of the "charging outsiders more than insiders" post, for examle.
wish i'd thought of the word, don jorge. brilliant
lili
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lizard lips
Super Nomad
Posts: 1468
Registered: 8-30-2002
Location: EARTH
Member Is Offline
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They both have to leave and fend for themselves but make sure you don't leave anything of value in your home in plain sight they can sell for there
habit.
Unless they get away from their current location (friends-dealers) they will always be in the same position.
How old are they?
I don't always agree with Lee but a little smacking around (TOUGH LOVE) MIGHT BE A WAKE UP CALL...........
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BajaWarrior
Super Nomad
Posts: 2307
Registered: 9-27-2006
Location: Mission Bay, San Diego. Playa Hermosa, San Felipe.
Member Is Offline
Mood: Anxious to get south
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If they still have a house over their heads and have the luxury of watching TV then they have not hit rock bottom yet.
At this rate they will soon, only then can you help them.
Good luck, because it affects everyone in the family.
Haven't had a bad trip yet....
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flyfishinPam
Super Nomad
Posts: 1727
Registered: 8-20-2003
Location: Loreto, BCS
Member Is Offline
Mood: gone fishin'
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thanks for all the support, I really appreciate it and it reinforces the fact that I've been right in persuading my other half to cut them off.
unfortunately its turing out more like don jorges story so let's this be a lesson to ya when in Baja, stay away from the guys and gals with kids  these lads will have the luxury of a roof over their head as long as their mother
can continue to support them. I don't know how her new husband can stand it, he's a pretty cool guy.
ages of these niños is 19 and 22 and the 19 year old has a two year old boy, very scary.
anyway thanks again we will get through this.
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Roberto
Banned
Posts: 2162
Registered: 9-5-2003
Member Is Offline
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| Quote: | Originally posted by lizard lips
They both have to leave and fend for themselves but make sure you don't leave anything of value in your home in plain sight they can sell for there
habit.
Unless they get away from their current location (friends-dealers) they will always be in the same position.
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This is the best advice so far, coming from someone who I'm sure has had experience with this before. I have too, and believe me when I tell you that
they must get out of Loreto. Especially in a town that small, the pattern has been set, and even if they break out temporarily it's only a matter of
time before they return to it.
Smacking around won't help. These are not necessarily losers, rather people who have fallen into a hole most people never break out of. Get them out
of Loreto, stop giving them money, and make sure they can't steal from you, in that order.
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Pescador
Ultra Nomad
Posts: 3587
Registered: 10-17-2002
Location: Baja California Sur
Member Is Offline
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I sent a private letter to Pam about this issue but in my past life I owned and operated a residential facility for emotionally disturbed children
who were court ordered into placement. I know that meth addicts are the only ones who can decide to change and that usually happens only when they hit
absolute rock bottom. The mexican culture adds a serious layer here because no matter how bad someone gets they never turn their back completely on
family but that is the very essence of what needs to occur if there is ever any hope of going straight. I am convinced that this leads to the high
amount of addiction present in this part of the world and it only promises to get worse.
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flyfishinPam
Super Nomad
Posts: 1727
Registered: 8-20-2003
Location: Loreto, BCS
Member Is Offline
Mood: gone fishin'
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although the 50 mile boat ride does appeal to me I just set an appointment with Marisol, the wife of the prominent Dr. Fernando in town to go to my
first Alanon meeting. I look forward to going. She told me not to try and drag my husband to a meeting, that Mexican men often become very angry to
the point of beating the wife when a wife suggests counceling. I saw a little of this last evening when I suggested that we go for some counceling
and when he exploded I just grabbed the kids and left. Marisol said that after a few meetings one of the other members will approach him and take him
themselves. so thanks for this advice nomad board!
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