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BajaBlanca
Select Nomad
Posts: 13196
Registered: 10-28-2008
Location: La Bocana, BCS
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Blanca in San Diego: my baby sister with cancer passed
Boy, life has hit us with a curveball.
My 54 year old baby sister has stage 4 uterine cancer, which started in the endometrius but has spread to ovaries, liver, lymph nodes.
She has asked me to be her caretaker since we are the closest. I spent 3 weeks with her, came to La Bocana to visit Les and return to san diego
tomorrow.
If anyone has experience with chemo, she starts this Friday. This is so new to me.
I am devastated and waver between my other sister who believes in miracles, and
my gut which screams "take advantage of this time together. Her days are numbered."
Please keep Maureen in your prayers. She is in so much pain.
[Edited on 11-9-2019 by BajaBlanca]
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David K
Honored Nomad
Posts: 64842
Registered: 8-30-2002
Location: San Diego County
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Mood: Have Baja Fever
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So heartbreaking... all the love and prayers for your sister!
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Paco Facullo
Super Nomad
Posts: 1301
Registered: 1-21-2017
Location: Here now
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Mood: Abiding ..........
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My heartfelt hopes are with your baby Sis.
Miracles do happen but one can not count on them, so "take advantage of this time together"
Your sister needs all the LOVE and support she can get.
Since I've given up all hope, I feel much better
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Russ
Elite Nomad
Posts: 6742
Registered: 7-4-2004
Location: Punta Chivato
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What a slam! I hope and pray for the best for the both of you. Give Hospice a call they can help you know what's going on and help keep your sister
more comfortable.
https://www.newlifestyles.com/senior-living-and-care-options...
Bahia Concepcion where life starts...given a chance!
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bajabuddha
Banned
Posts: 4024
Registered: 4-12-2013
Location: Baja New Mexico
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Mood: Always cranky unless medicated
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Miracles DO happen..... she has you for a big sis. You as the support system needs your own support system on the side as well; care for the
caregiver.
I wish you both well.
I don't have a BUCKET LIST, but I do have a F***- IT LIST a mile long!
86 - 45*
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advrider
Super Nomad
Posts: 1863
Registered: 10-2-2015
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There are a lot of programs that can help out, take advantage and don't run yourself in the ground. There is always hope, but you have to also be
realistic. Had to deal with this not that many years ago, no easy way. Make sure she takes in enough fluids, ask about pedia lite, it helped others
that I know of.
[Edited on 11-7-2019 by advrider]
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MMc
Super Nomad
Posts: 1679
Registered: 6-29-2011
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Mood: Current
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That sucks! As you know I provided hospice for my wife. First if you haven't yet, look up the 5 year survivability rate for stage 4 uterine cancer.
Plan on being part of the greater number.
Go with your gut. If she gets better you're not any worse than hoping for miracle and planning for her demise. You and your family have this moment to
be with each other, to make sure there is nothing left to say or do. When she is gone, you do not want to say "I wish had or done ????" Do not wait.
I was with my wife 24/7 until she passed. Friends said I should take a break, I didn't, and do not regret a moment of it. Because I was there we had
"little talks" that I cherish to this day.
Push her doctor's hard for answers. Nobody wants to to tell you all the bad news, make them tell you! "If this was your family what would do?" "Why?"
"What are the other options?" Use the record option on your cell phone to record your conversations with her doctors. Make sure there is somebody else
to hear what the doctors are saying.
You are going to go through some sh!t with her soon. Do all you can for her! Hold back nothing, if you have a second chance it's a blessing.
I know this is harsh. Looking at somebody you love at death's door is harsh.
[Edited on 11-7-2019 by MMc]
"Never teach a pig to sing it frustrates you and annoys the pig" - W.C.Fields
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elgatoloco
Ultra Nomad
Posts: 4332
Registered: 11-19-2002
Location: Yes
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So sorry to hear the news. Modern medicine has come a long ways, thankfully. I hope for the best for your sister going forward.
My mother and sister were both in treatment at the same time for different types of cancer in the same hospital. The chemo was difficult and they
struggled with appetite and nausea and keeping food down which didn't help with their strength. The oncologist one day pulled me aside and asked 'off
the record' if I might by chance know someone, anyone who could get their hands on some marijuana. My 23 year old self replied that I would ask around
and see. Later that afternoon my mother and sister were wheeled out of their room and down to the outdoor 'solarium' and we lit up and the result was
that their nausea was reduced, their appetite increased and they could keep food down for the first time in awhile. This became a regular routine
during the periods that chemo was used. The simple fact was that it helped and the doctors new it would but it was of course not endorsed by the
authorities. This was at Kaiser Hospital in Hollywood in 1981. I recall the doctor talking about the hope that soon this 'substance' would be
studied/used/accepted as a treatment to alleviate pain and suffering in patients in his care because he saw first hand that it often worked. I
sometimes wonder about that doctor and his seemingly forward thinking.
Today there are lots of alternative remedies and methods and access to them is easier then in the past. You no longer have to roll up a big fatty and
light up anymore, but you could. Obliviously each person needs to decide what they are comfortable with and to what lengths they would go. Currently
two of my wife's good friends are both fighting cancer. They have found relief from side effects of cancer and its treatment using alternative
'medicine' that you can legally purchase and use in California. They both came to it somewhat reluctantly but now see first hand that it has helped
them with the struggle.
Take care and be strong.
MAGA
Making Attorneys Get Attorneys
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BajaBlanca
Select Nomad
Posts: 13196
Registered: 10-28-2008
Location: La Bocana, BCS
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She passed yesterday, in my arms. I did treasure every moment but I never in my wildest thoughts thought she would be taken so fast.
She was due to start chemo at 8 am, she died as we were leaving her apartment. One could not ask for a better scenario, she simply looked at me and
said "I cannot do this", fainted and never really came to although her partner Rich, then me and ultimately paramedics could not get her pulse back.
Gosh, how I miss her and how I worry for my 84 year old Mom. Thanks those of you who wrote above, it really is a comfort to hear others wisdom
when one is flying blind.
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thebajarunner
Ultra Nomad
Posts: 3718
Registered: 9-8-2003
Location: Arizona....."Free at last from crumbling Cali
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Mood: muy amable
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So sad
I lost my sis at age 56
She was General Manager of Carnegie Hall, the highest (and most respected ) arts manager in the world
But cancer has no respect
She fought it for 8 long hard years but in the end it won.
Our parents were devastated
You are not supposed to bury your own kids
20 years, I miss her every day....
Prayers and concerns for you
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MMc
Super Nomad
Posts: 1679
Registered: 6-29-2011
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Mood: Current
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You never get "over it", people think that there is a end to the grief, nope. You become used to having it your world. I can't imagine the pain you
and your mom are going through. I have no words that help. I wish you godspeed as you come to terms to life without her.
"Never teach a pig to sing it frustrates you and annoys the pig" - W.C.Fields
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chuckie
Elite Nomad
Posts: 6082
Registered: 2-20-2012
Location: Kansas Prairies
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Mood: Weary
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So sorry....May she go with God!
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Diver
Ultra Nomad
Posts: 4729
Registered: 11-15-2004
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With all the miracles you create for others, I thought maybe you would get one back.
Very sorry for your loss.
.
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BajaParrothead
Nomad
Posts: 460
Registered: 12-4-2012
Location: Portola, CA / Los Barriles
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Blanca I'm so sorry to hear of your sister's passing. If comfort can be had in knowing that you were there for her in her time of need, then seek
that comfort. In the end, she knew you were there for her.
Nearly 20 years ago I watched my dad do the chemo thing with his stage 4 cancer and he only lasted four months and it was horrible to watch.
Feel blessed that her suffering is over. My prayers are with you and all of your family.
Greg
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pauldavidmena
Super Nomad
Posts: 1715
Registered: 5-23-2013
Location: Centerville, MA, USA
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So sorry, Blanca. While there's some comfort in knowing she didn't have to suffer through a protracted ordeal, 54 is way too young. I'm glad to see
the BajaNomad community offer their words of encouragement, and I'd like to add mine.
[Edited on 11-9-2019 by pauldavidmena]
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advrider
Super Nomad
Posts: 1863
Registered: 10-2-2015
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To young for sure... I hope there is some comfort in the fact that it was not a long suffering ordeal. Anything you might need, please reach out.
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Bajazly
Super Nomad
Posts: 1013
Registered: 6-4-2015
Location: Goodbye Cali and Hello San Felipe
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Mood: More Relaxed Everyday
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So sorry to hear this Blanca, there is a lot to be said for all of you to not have to go through the pain and suffering that was ahead but I know that
doesn't make your life any better now. As advrider said, if there is anything you may need, please let us know.
Peace be with you and your family.
Believing is religion - Knowing is science
Harald Pietschmann
"Get off the beaten path and memories, friends and new techniques are developed"
Bajazly, August 2019
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Paulina
Ultra Nomad
Posts: 3810
Registered: 8-31-2002
Location: BCN
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I'm very sorry, Blanca. Wishing you and your family peace.
F*cK cancer.
P>*)))>{
\"Well behaved women rarely make history.\" Laurel Thatcher Ulrich
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Ateo
Elite Nomad
Posts: 5900
Registered: 7-18-2011
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I'm so glad you were able to be there with her as she passed. Nothing I can say will stop the pain of loss but I'll try anyway......
=)
Love is the greatest achievement a human can hold. You and your sis had that. Cherish her.
Jon
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tiotomasbcs
Super Nomad
Posts: 1837
Registered: 7-30-2007
Location: El Pescadero
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Amiga, stay strong and know Sis loved you. As I grow older there is more grief for family and friends who pass . Our Youth often protects us . Now
I see...dealing with Death is part of Life. Stay strong.
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