bajaguy
Elite Nomad
Posts: 9247
Registered: 9-16-2003
Location: Carson City, NV/Ensenada - Baja Country Club
Member Is Offline
Mood: must be 5 O'clock somewhere in Baja
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Christmas Present???
With all of the talk about crime in Baja I thought I would repost this article in the event any Nomad is so inclined to buy a Stun Gun for
Christmas...........buyer beware!!!!!
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Pocket Taser Stun Gun, a great gift for the wife.
Last weekend I saw something at Larry's Pistol & Pawn Shop that sparked my interest. The occasion was our 22nd anniversary and I was looking for a
little something extra for my wife Toni. What I came across was a 100,000-volt, pocket/purse-sized taser. The effects of the taser were supposed to be
short lived, with no long-term adverse affect on your assailant, allowing her adequate time to retreat to safety... WAY TOO COOL!
Long story short, I bought the device and brought it home. I loaded two triple-a batteries in the darn thing and pushed the button. Nothing! I was
disappointed. I learned, however, that if I pushed the button AND pressed it against flesh or a metal surface at the same time, I'd get the blue arch
of electricity darting back and forth between the prongs.
Awesome! Unfortunately, I have yet to explain to Toni what that burn spot is on the face of her microwave. Okay, so I was home alone with this new
toy, thinking to myself that it couldn't be all that bad with only two triple-a batteries, right?!
There I sat in my recliner, my cat Gracie looking on intently (trusting little soul) while I was reading the directions and thinking that I really
needed to try this thing out on a flesh and blood moving target. I must admit I thought about zapping Gracie (for a fraction of a second) and thought
better of it. She is such a sweet cat. But, if I was going to give this thing to my wife to protect herself against a mugger, I did want some
assurance that it would work as advertised. Am I wrong?
So, there I sat in a pair of shorts and a tank top with my reading glasses perched delicately on the bridge of my nose, directions in one hand, and
taser in another. The directions said that a one-second burst would shock and disorient your assailant; a two-second burst was supposed to cause
muscle spasms and a major loss of bodily control; a three-second burst would purportedly make your assailant flop on the ground like a fish out of
water. Any burst longer than three seconds would be wasting the batteries.
All the while I'm looking at this little device measuring about 5" long, less than 3/4 inch in circumference; pretty cute really (and loaded with two
itsy, bitsy triple-a batteries) thinking to myself, "no possible way!"
What happened next is almost beyond description, but I'll do my best...
I'm sitting there alone, Gracie looking on with her head c-cked to one side as to say, "don't do it master," reasoning that a one-second burst from
such a tiny little ole thing couldn't hurt all that bad.. I decided to give myself a one-second burst just for the heck of it. I touched the prongs to
my naked thigh, pushed the button, and HOLY MOTHER, WEAPONS OF MASS DESTRUCTION *&#(*)&!!#%)jld*(&#*#***!!!
I'm pretty sure Jessie Ventura ran in through the side door, picked me up in the recliner, then body slammed us both on the carpet, over and over and
over again. I vaguely recall waking up on my side in the fetal position, with tears in my eyes, body soaking wet, both nipples on fire, testicles
nowhere to be found, with my left arm tucked under my body in the oddest position, and tingling in my legs. The cat was standing over me making
meowing sounds I had never heard before, licking my face, undoubtedly thinking to herself, "do it again, do it again!"
Note: If you ever feel compelled to "mug" yourself with a taser, one note of caution: there is no such thing as a one-second burst when you zap
yourself. You will not let go of that thing until it is dislodged from your hand by a violent thrashing about on the floor. A three second burst would
be considered conservative.
SON-OF-A-b-tch...that hurt like hell!!! A minute or so later (I can't be sure, as time was a relative thing at that point), collected my wits (what
little I had left), sat up and surveyed the landscape. My bent reading glasses were on the mantel of the fireplace. How did they up get there???
My triceps, right thigh, and both nipples were still twitching. My face felt like it had been shot up with Novacaine, and my bottom lip weighed 88
pounds. I'm still looking for my testicles. I'm offering a significant reward for their safe return.
Having read the above, if you do try it on yourself, PLEASE write a post on this thread!!!!!
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DENNIS
Platinum Nomad
Posts: 29510
Registered: 9-2-2006
Location: Punta Banda
Member Is Offline
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Is that a Taser or Stun Gun? I thought the Taser shot some kind of dart?
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bajaguy
Elite Nomad
Posts: 9247
Registered: 9-16-2003
Location: Carson City, NV/Ensenada - Baja Country Club
Member Is Offline
Mood: must be 5 O'clock somewhere in Baja
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Stun gun.......Taser has the darts
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Al G
Ultra Nomad
Posts: 2647
Registered: 12-19-2004
Location: Todos Santos/Full time for now...
Member Is Offline
Mood: Wondering what is next???
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Don't know which it is, but my belly hurts and damn near peed my pants....did you have to change your's BG
Albert G
Remember, if you haven\'t got a smile on your face and laughter in your heart, then you are just a sour old fart!....
The most precious thing we have is life, yet it has absolutely no trade-in value.
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Mulegena
Super Nomad
Posts: 2412
Registered: 11-7-2006
Member Is Offline
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"All the while I'm looking at this little device measuring about 5" long, less than 3/4 inch in circumference; pretty cute really (and loaded with two
itsy, bitsy triple-a batteries)"... for God's sake, man, make sure you tell her it ain't a personal vibrator!!!
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ELINVESTIG8R
Select Nomad
Posts: 15882
Registered: 11-20-2007
Location: Southern California
Member Is Offline
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I love the smell of taser darts in the morning.
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Al G
Ultra Nomad
Posts: 2647
Registered: 12-19-2004
Location: Todos Santos/Full time for now...
Member Is Offline
Mood: Wondering what is next???
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| Quote: | Originally posted by Mulegena
"All the while I'm looking at this little device measuring about 5" long, less than 3/4 inch in circumference; pretty cute really (and loaded with two
itsy, bitsy triple-a batteries)"... for God's sake, man, make sure you tell her it ain't a personal vibrator!!!
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Albert G
Remember, if you haven\'t got a smile on your face and laughter in your heart, then you are just a sour old fart!....
The most precious thing we have is life, yet it has absolutely no trade-in value.
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bajaguy
Elite Nomad
Posts: 9247
Registered: 9-16-2003
Location: Carson City, NV/Ensenada - Baja Country Club
Member Is Offline
Mood: must be 5 O'clock somewhere in Baja
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| Quote: | Originally posted by Mulegena
"All the while I'm looking at this little device measuring about 5" long, less than 3/4 inch in circumference; pretty cute really (and loaded with two
itsy, bitsy triple-a batteries)"... for God's sake, man, make sure you tell her it ain't a personal vibrator!!!
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Only make THAT mistake once
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vandenberg
Elite Nomad
Posts: 5118
Registered: 6-21-2005
Location: Nopolo
Member Is Offline
Mood: mellow
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And then you don't even have to look for your testicles any longer 
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Smoke
Nomad
Posts: 116
Registered: 4-3-2007
Location: Los Barriles/Exeter,Ca
Member Is Offline
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MICK
Nomad
Posts: 499
Registered: 11-12-2003
Location: Rio Hardy
Member Is Offline
Mood: livin the good life on the river
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Now that's funny
Getting there is ALL the fun!
Ok being here is fun to
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DENNIS
Platinum Nomad
Posts: 29510
Registered: 9-2-2006
Location: Punta Banda
Member Is Offline
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| Quote: | Originally posted by Mulegena
"All the while I'm looking at this little device measuring about 5" long, less than 3/4 inch in circumference; pretty cute really (and loaded with two
itsy, bitsy triple-a batteries)"... for God's sake, man, make sure you tell her it ain't a personal vibrator!!!
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I want to watch.
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Bruce R Leech
Elite Nomad
Posts: 6796
Registered: 9-20-2004
Location: Ensenada formerly Mulege
Member Is Offline
Mood: A lot cooler than Mulege
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always try it on your neighbor first.
Bruce R Leech
Ensenada
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John M
Super Nomad
Posts: 1914
Registered: 9-3-2003
Location: California High Desert
Member Is Offline
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I haven't laughed so much this early in the morning. I am just glad you didn't hurt the cat.
Mrs John M
[Edited on 12-9-2007 by John M]
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4baja
Super Nomad
Posts: 1339
Registered: 9-4-2003
Location: morro bay ca
Member Is Offline
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OUCH!!!! being a electrition i have been shocked a few times in my life but
would never do it on purpose. 
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Bob and Susan
Elite Nomad
Posts: 8813
Registered: 8-20-2003
Location: Mulege BCS on the BAY
Member Is Offline
Mood: Full Time Residents
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we had one too from grandma...
we had to disasemble it and throw it away in different cans...
those things are BAAAD!!!
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Cypress
Elite Nomad
Posts: 7641
Registered: 3-12-2006
Location: on the bayou
Member Is Offline
Mood: undecided
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Ought to make a fanatastic alarm clock for getting those late risers out of bed earlier.
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BajaGeoff
Super Nomad
Posts: 1727
Registered: 1-11-2006
Location: San Diego and Campo Lopez
Member Is Offline
Mood: Heading To Baja!!!
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WOW! Hehe. I have tears in my eyes from laughing so hard! Sorry to be laughing at your expense bajaguy, but that was pure comedy! Hope you are feeling
better!
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