Osprey
Ultra Nomad
Posts: 3694
Registered: 5-23-2004
Location: Baja Ca. Sur
Member Is Offline
|
|
Maya Mash Whiskey
MAYA MASH
The address, the addressee, on the center of the envelope was formal:
The Honorable Senator C.R. Chastain, D. Tennessee
4330 Woodberry Lane
Jackson, Tennessee 90435
The greeting, the letter was informal; off the cuff:
Hey, big brother. How they treating you?
Just got off the plane from Mexico. I'm pumped. Had to get this out to you right away. I think I've swerved into something that we could both make
some big bucks on. Keep this stuff under your hat for awhile until I have time to do some more research. WHISKEY. Mexican corn whiskey. That
surprise you? Me too. Everybody thinks about Tequila when it comes to Mexico. Well, they do export a lot of Tequila. AND, they grow a lot of corn.
Here's how I stumbled onto this. For the last year I've been selling payphones like hotcakes, the money has been rolling in. About three months ago
the district attorneys for Dade and Broward Counties moved in and shut me down. I don't have the time or the patience to appeal right now --- I guess
Florida's about the only place where they didn't get the word on Deregulation. Anyway, just as the whole thing was beginning to be a big pain, I won
a cruise. Yeah, a Caribbean Cruise, a promotion at Ralph's market, where I shop a lot, in Fort Lauderdale. On the cruise I met this great gal,
Maria, a widow; she's Mexican, originally from a place called Oaxaca. Her husband was a Kraut, Carl Wittnauer, a Caterpillar Tractor dealer in
Kansas. We had such a good time on the cruise she invited me to join her on a trip around Mexico. She's a few years older than me but she looks
really young. We had a wonderful time. We did the whole Mexico City thing; the gardens, the museums. She'd make a helluva tour guide.
Naturally I was interested in the Cortez thing, the Maya (her great-grandmother was pure Maya) and Maria took me through the whole history at the
museum. That's where I learned about Pulque. Pulque is a milky kind of booze made from cactus. It's the first thing that comes out if you cook and
distill the juice from a cactus called Agave. The Spaniards thought that Pulque was the only booze used by the Indians. It doesn't have much of a
kick; about 50 proof is the best you get. When the Spaniards ran out of the booze they brought with them from Spain, couldn't get a buzz from the
sweet, milky brew, they looked around for something stronger.
Here comes the sleeper part. The history books don't tell the whole story about what happened next. The books say that the Spaniards wanted more
potent stuff so they REDISTILLED THE PULQUE AND GOT MESCAL AND, EVENTUALLY, TEQUILA. They could run the Tequila up to over 100 proof. Maria's
grandfather is still alive, over 105 years old. We went way the hell up in the mountains, the jungle, real primitive areas, found his place, spent
some time with the old man. He says some of the Spaniards preferred WHISKEY. They had all the corn in the world, all the people to grow, harvest and
distill it, mountain hardwood for barrels, coke, they had it all. He said that before the Olmecs took over there were corn whiskey distilleries all
over Yucatan.
It was only natural that the Spaniards would want to cash in on this smooth, sweet whiskey; send it back on the ships to Spain, make a killing. The
King of Spain got word to the Viceroy that not one drop of this whiskey was going to be shipped back to Spain -- the introduction would conflict with
the goals of Spain's agrarian reformation. By the time of the colonization of the American west (then Louisiana, Texas, New Mexico) a few
distilleries were still up and running in southern Mexico and some on the Gulf around Tampico. The distillers (by now Mexicans, Indians, Maya) tried
to sell the sweet mash to the Gringos.
A Royal Flop. The reason: great whiskey, lousy sales skills. I call it the Vanna White Failure. Not enough VOWELS. Over decades, centuries, the
distillers continued to name the mash and the blends for the place where the corn was originally grown and harvested, where the whiskey was distilled.
They tried to peddle the booze to Texans with brand names like Oxkutzcab, Tuxtla, Tzibanche. The Texans couldn't even order the stuff.
Well, Cooter, you and me, we won't make that mistake. Here's the plan (as far as I've taken it):
1. Maria has the lingo, some cash and lots of connections in Mexico.
2. You (needless to say) have some cash and lots of connections everywhere.
3. I have the plan, the time, the drive and the idea.
4. NAFTA has opened a great big hole for this.
5. We pencil in about 15 percent for Calderone, the new Mexican president (you'll make the deal, quietly).
HERE'S THE BEAUTY PART. Once the aged stuff is in the bottle we kick off a KILLER AD CAMPAIGN. The name for the Door Opener: MONTEREY JACK DANIELS,
if they make a big fuss in Lynchburg: JUAN DANIELS.
My short list of other possible brand names:
A. MAYA TOMBS (for the aged bourbon fanatics)
B. CHI CHI CHIAPAS
C. VERACRUZ VELVET
D. RICO TAMPICO
E. TRES MARIAS BONITAS (I've gotta do this for Chu Chi, Maria, I promised. We could discontinue after awhile if sales don't come up to par).
Cooter, you can see where I'm going with this. The possibilities are endless. Think it over. Think about the potential. Maria and I are headed
back to the mainland Mexico to do some more research, look for a plant site, ask some questions about corn. We'll be leaving La Paz on the 23rd on
the ferry to Matzatlan (I'm scared they are going to ding up the new Lexus Maria bought me-[RED]- the way they pack those filthy barges). Try to get
me on the phone before I leave. I know you're a busy guy but I'm sure you can see what a winner this is and "time is awasting".
Love ya guy,
Little Brother Ed
|
|
|
Oso
Ultra Nomad
Posts: 2637
Registered: 8-29-2003
Location: on da border
Member Is Offline
Mood: wait and see
|
|
Interesting and entertaining, but of course absolutely wrong.
Pulque and tequila are not made from the same variety of agave. Pulque is not cooked and tequila is not distilled from pulque. Other than the fact
that both are made in Mexico from botanically related plants, there is no more connection between them than there is between whiskey and beer. Do you
think whiskey is distilled beer?
Pulque comes from the maguey, AKA "Century Plant". A worker, called a "tlachiquero", carves a depression out of the center of the living plant. The
sap, called agua miel or "honey water", collects in the center depression. At this unfermented stage it is sweet, full of vitamins, and a healthful
tonic in small doses. Too much will give you the Toltec Two-step. The tlachiquero goes from plant to plant collecting the honey water. He wears a
pigskin bladder on his back and uses a long hollow gourd with a hole at each end like a straw to suck up the juice and transfer it to the bladder.
Then he takes it to the pulqueria and deposits it into a barrel to ferment. My Brother-in-Law tried to convince me that they put a handkerchief full
of baby caca in it to aid fermentation, but this is only a fable meant to freak out gullible gringos. The only thing added is about a cup of already
well fermented pulque from another barrel in much the same way that a yeast culture for bread is kept going. That's it. That's the whole process.
The second day the product is still kind of sweet and lightly alcoholic but less than 3.2 beer (certainly not 50 proof!). Over the next 3 or 4 days
it gets stronger but also less sweet, more sour and acidic until what's left is considered undrinkable. A small amount is kept as starter for the
next batch, any other that has not been consumed is either thrown out or added to slop for happy pigs.
Tequila comes from the blue agave. Unlike the maguey which can produce for years, the blue agave is harvested only once. A worker, called a jimador,
cuts down the mature plant and trims off the leaves. The core is then called a piņa because it looks like a giant pineapple. It is then cooked and
made into a mash which is then fermented and distilled in more or less the same manner as all distilled spirits.
Sorry to be a buzzkill. I didn't mean to step on the humor of the first post, but felt I needed to set the record straight.
All my childhood I wanted to be older. Now I\'m older and this chitn sucks.
|
|
|
Bruce R Leech
Elite Nomad
Posts: 6796
Registered: 9-20-2004
Location: Ensenada formerly Mulege
Member Is Offline
Mood: A lot cooler than Mulege
|
|
I'm not sure OSO but I think that is supposed to be part of the hummer of the story. I also picked those things out as incorrect but I thought it was
to show how dumb the character in the story was.
Osprey it had me rolling on the floor. thanks again
Bruce R Leech
Ensenada
 |
|
|
woody with a view
PITA Nomad
Posts: 15940
Registered: 11-8-2004
Location: Looking at the Coronado Islands
Member Is Offline
Mood: Everchangin'
|
|
it's fiction......does it have to be fact?
|
|
|
DENNIS
Platinum Nomad
Posts: 29510
Registered: 9-2-2006
Location: Punta Banda
Member Is Offline
|
|
It's fiction based on fact. Just like your daily newspaper.
|
|
|
Mango
Senior Nomad
Posts: 685
Registered: 4-11-2006
Location: Alta California &/or Mexicali
Member Is Offline
Mood: Bajatastic
|
|
Corn "beer" is also made in the copper canyon region, and throughout Mexico by the native people. Sugar cane alcohol is also widely made and ritually
drank in the southern areas of the mainland.
In most cases the fermentation process is started by using the saliva of the maker. Yes, they spit in it to get all the magic started. 
So, may I suggest "Moco de Maya" as a more suitable name for the corn liquor.
|
|
|
DENNIS
Platinum Nomad
Posts: 29510
Registered: 9-2-2006
Location: Punta Banda
Member Is Offline
|
|
| Quote: | Originally posted by Mango
Sugar cane alcohol is also widely made and ritually drank in the southern areas of the mainland.
|
It's also sold here as rubbing alcohol.
|
|
|
Cypress
Elite Nomad
Posts: 7641
Registered: 3-12-2006
Location: on the bayou
Member Is Offline
Mood: undecided
|
|
Run of the "still" corn whiskey, AKA moonshine, tastes just like tequila.
|
|
|
Mango
Senior Nomad
Posts: 685
Registered: 4-11-2006
Location: Alta California &/or Mexicali
Member Is Offline
Mood: Bajatastic
|
|
| Quote: | Originally posted by DENNIS
| Quote: | Originally posted by Mango
Sugar cane alcohol is also widely made and ritually drank in the southern areas of the mainland.
|
It's also sold here as rubbing alcohol. |
Actually, it is a little different. The stuff that was traditionally made and drank in Chiapas, etc.. was milky and less potent than the more refined
sugar cane alcohols of today.
There is some stuff you can get, much like everclear here in the states, that is very strong.. like 98% alcohol or so. It is made to drink,
supposedly to mix with juice, etc. Some people drink it straight. Sometimes you will see a drunk passed out on the street in southern Mexico,
usually as a result of drinking this almost pure alcohol. Think liquid crack. I had a sip of some mixed with juice once. No thanks, it tastes just
like a mouthful of gas when you siphon gas just a little too far.
Rubbing alcohol usually has something added to it to make it unpalatable for drinking; but, is essentially the same stuff. You can often find both
right next to each other in a farmicia. If you have a alcohol camping stove, the kind for drinking is much better to use since the additive for the
rubbing alcohol smells horrible when it is burning.
I had an old hippie from DF that lived with the Maya for over 30 years fill me in on the whole thing once. He was often invited to drink with them
during their rituals. He told me the old, homemade, milky stuff was pretty good and safe to drink. Then he told me how the new refined stuff is
killing people, and has ruined the spirit of the rituals.
|
|
|
Osprey
Ultra Nomad
Posts: 3694
Registered: 5-23-2004
Location: Baja Ca. Sur
Member Is Offline
|
|
Thanks Oso, when I got the idea for the little piece I just dashed it off without doing the necessary research. Epistolary stuff is really not for me
and I didn't have my heart in it. It wasn't just the writer, the brother with a plan, who had corrupt data, it was me. "Have you ever been to
Machupilas? There is a red haired woman there who makes the best tamales in all of Mexico." You would think I'd know more about this stuff because
I've watched The Appaloosa about a hundred times just to see the scene in the pulqueria with Brando and Alphonzo Bedoia.
|
|
|
DENNIS
Platinum Nomad
Posts: 29510
Registered: 9-2-2006
Location: Punta Banda
Member Is Offline
|
|
| Quote: | Originally posted by Mango
There is some stuff you can get, much like everclear here in the states, that is very strong.. like 98% alcohol or so. |
Thats what I'm talking about, Mango. It's on the shelves of the drug stores and the grocery stores. It's called Caņa. You can use it to make
poor-mans Kahlua or, you can swab your skined-up knee.
Years back, I had a friend who owned a pharmacy near the river in Ensenada. On election days, when alcohol wasn't available, the winos who lived
in the river bottom would come to his store and buy caņa to drink.
My friend is still there, for any of you winos who care. His name is David at the Medicine Man. Say hello.
|
|
|
|
![[*]](images/xmbforum/default_icon.gif){kind=icon}
