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fishbuck
Banned
Posts: 5318
Registered: 8-31-2006
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| Quote: | Originally posted by flyfishinPam
although the 50 mile boat ride does appeal to me I just set an appointment with Marisol, the wife of the prominent Dr. Fernando in town to go to my
first Alanon meeting. I look forward to going. She told me not to try and drag my husband to a meeting, that Mexican men often become very angry to
the point of beating the wife when a wife suggests counceling. I saw a little of this last evening when I suggested that we go for some counceling
and when he exploded I just grabbed the kids and left. Marisol said that after a few meetings one of the other members will approach him and take him
themselves. so thanks for this advice nomad board! |
You have taken an important step towards recovery. Your own! Good luck.
"A ship in harbor is safe, but that is not what ships are built for." J. A. Shedd.
A clever person solves a problem. A wise person avoids it. – Albert Einstein
"Life's a Beach... and then you Fly!" Fishbuck
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Paula
Super Nomad
Posts: 2219
Registered: 1-5-2006
Location: Loreto
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That is good news Pam-- I hope it goes well!!
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Bajafun777
Super Nomad
Posts: 1103
Registered: 9-13-2006
Location: Rosarito & California
Member Is Offline
Mood: Enjoying Life with Wife In Mexico, Easy on The Easy
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Pam, hate to say it but when they can play at their mom's house and then float over to your house to be with dad they have a continual circle that
leads right back every time. Their father has to be ready to "Love them enough to do whatever it takes to get them to admit and deal with their
dependency." Until they admit they are addicts and accept a treatment program to overcome it their is no hope, as they have constant reach to their
suppliers and endanger your family. Meth-heads can be very unpredictable when they have been "tripping" for several days on the drug. Their tempers
and moods from happy to anger can be in a blink of the eye. No treatment and breaking away from their current routine means no hope to gain control
of their problems and only misery for you and your family. Get them out until they do the treatment and if the father does not cooperate get away
before their life of hell becomes yours. Take care and by the way I have been dealing with meth, coke, and other hard drug users for over 34 years
and the ending is always the same without treatment and the changing of their routines that turn constantly to drug abuse. I have a book I could send
you but honestly it would do no good as a book is not what is needed here .
Later--------- bajafun777
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Heather
Nomad
Posts: 370
Registered: 10-31-2002
Location: National City, CA
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Pam, I too have 2 Mexican step-sons. Their dad (my hubby) is up here with me in San Diego. They live with their mom in Pescadero. Fortunately they
(as far as I know) are not into drugs. What I worry about with them is getting some girl pregnant!! (they are 16 and 20, but both have serious
girlfriends). I've told them, and dad agrees that if that happens, they'll be cut off financially from us.
Their dad sends them money every month (or they use an ATM machine to take it out of an account down there). Our older son finished prepa and should
be in college, only the UABCS university in La Paz has been on strike pretty much since he enrolled!
Our problem is that we've told the older son that we will not give him any $$ until he gets back in school. He plans to enroll at a private school in
Cabo, which he could have done in January, but didn't. He is working, but now realizes how little he makes compared to what he'd like to make, and
what we give him to go to school. He keeps taking out more money from his dad's account than he should!
Maybe because my husband is up here and a bit detached from the problem, but he shares my views about going to school and cutting off the money as
needed. (or at least he says he does.)
I know it's hard to deal with some of the cultural issues with the Mexican macho, but I guess we signed up for it! Different views about a lot of
things.
How do you do with the in-laws? My husband always wants to give them $$, too, but I say let his siblings that live with or near his parents deal with
that. I feel more responsibility to his kids (who we've supported for the last 10 years) than his folks!
I do feel very fortunate that the boys are not into drugs or even drinking. (as far as we know). We took our older one out when he turned 18 to
Squid Roe in Cabo, but his dad and I did more drinking than him!! I just hope it stays that way!
I think you did the right thing with the Alanon, they can really be a big help. You're going to have to try and reason with your spouse, but am sure
that won't be an easy thing to do! Suerte, Heather
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shari
Select Nomad
Posts: 13048
Registered: 3-10-2006
Location: bahia asuncion, baja sur
Member Is Offline
Mood: there is no reality except the one contained within us "Herman Hesse"
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I am so sorry for your family Pam and am there for you anytime as per our U2U discussions....but I would like our nomad community to reflect on a
couple of point this thread brings up.
Treatment centers DO work for some...depending on the center. We treated Juan's daughter to an exclusive one in Ensenada which cost nearly a years
wages but was a dignified place. OK, so she slipped a bit when she got out and what we did was told her that next time she would be forced into CREAD
which is NOT a pretty place....but worked to scare her into behaving better. There are some great programs available...La Roca near Sta.Rosalia is a
fine establishment as well.
The other serious matter is about cross cultural marriages. Do think seriously about marrying a mexican spouse as you marry the whole family and must
deal with all family issues as a family member which means doling out $ for illnesses, accidents, arrests, divorces, parties....in good times and
bad....if you don't want to do that, the marriage will not survive. We are each others social safety net here and depend on the family in times of
need and we ALL go through them.
It is rare to see someone hit rock bottom as the family is always there for them which is unfortunate for the addict but sure is a relief to know that
whatever happens, you will be cared for somehow.
I'm all for tough love but our mexican family taught me how to love my daughter...and all daughters and sons...how to cherish children and I salute
them for that. Pam, you have a challenge ahead...suerte amiga.
[Edited on 5-1-2008 by shari]
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