Ken Bondy
Ultra Nomad
Posts: 3326
Registered: 12-13-2002
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Mood: Mellow
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Many years ago I was in Loreto with a small group. We were just finishing one of the huge seafood combination dinners at Cesar's restaurant (when it
was still there, obviously), and I thought it might be a good idea to take the copious remains of the dinner back to the hotel with us in a doggy bag.
With my hack Spanish I tried a literal translation of doggy bag with the waiter and asked for a "saco de perro". The waiter, who spoke no English,
immediately went into convulsions of laughter, and summoned Cesar himself to the table. The waiter passed on my request to Cesar who informed me
that, in perfect Spanish, I had just ordered a dog scrotum. Getting very few requests for dog scrotums, he asked how I would like it cooked.
++Ken++
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elgatoloco
Ultra Nomad
Posts: 4342
Registered: 11-19-2002
Location: Yes
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I will post this for Barb.
When she was 12 years old the family drove down to Mexico City to visit relatives.
They camped a bit on the way and she walked into a store one day and in her best spanish asked the owner of the store " Tienes leche y huevos?" Barb
said that the man's friends who were hanging around all fell on the floor in laughter and it was'nt until she was older and told someone the story
that she learned that she had asked the guy if he was lactating and had balls.
MAGA
Making Attorneys Get Attorneys
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Herb
Nomad
Posts: 202
Registered: 11-6-2003
Location: Torrance, CA
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Mr Steak
I once made the mistake of ordering my steak "bien conocido" in a restaurant while out with a group of friends. The waiter was polite and did not
correct me. When he arrived at the table he took my plate to each person at the table, asked them their name and then introduced them to "Senor
Bistec." He then presented the steak to me using the same descriptive words I had used. I was a little confused until a friend then leaned over and
explained to me that I had ordered a well-known steak instead of well done. The waiter had a great since of humor and had fulfilled my order
faithfully!
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Chris Holmstead
Banned
Posts: 34
Registered: 1-3-2004
Location: Spartanburg, SC (after July 4, 2008)
Member Is Offline
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Before I knew the little Spanish that I do now
We asked a long term americano resident of SF for his favorite place to eat, back in probably 1983. he gave us directions to a residential part of
town to the west of the main street and told us that it was a small place with outside seating and the women cooked in the kitchen of the house. It
was a place where the locals liked to eat. When we found it there were tables of all descriptions and mismatched chairs. We walked in to the hard
packed dirt yard next to the house and selected a table with a few dirty dishes on it, moved them to another table with more of the same, stoled a
couple chairs from that table and crowded around the little table waiting to be waited on. A wowan came over and seemed to be doing just that. We
ordered six cervezas; we knew that much Spanish. She brought them with a funny look on her face and we were getting the same thing from everyone else.
We chalked it up to it being in a local place where they didn't see a lot Of touristas. The woman left and didn't come back with menus. Danny went to
look for her and came back. He told us, "It's a buffet, and it looks really good."
Around the back of the house we found a more tables covered with all sorts of good things. We piled our plates, sat back down and Danny found our
waitress and asked for more beer, which she brought.
They had a band playing accoustic musica Mexicana, people danced, I danced with my wife, and we ordered beer a couple more times.
Then we found our waitress so we could pay the Bill. You've probaly figured it out by now. We were at the wrong place, it was a birthday party for an
abuelo, and apperantly no one had wanted to be rude and be the one to tell us to leave. A young woman explained the situation to us. It was funny, but
uncomfotable because they wouldn't even let us pay for the beers. Hopefully the laugh they got out of it was worth puting up with us for a few hours.
Later that stay we found the place we were supposed to have gone to. It was good but not as good as Abuelo's Fiesta.
THTHTHTHTH...That's all folks.
I think this thread was a good idea...Chris
[Edited on 1-11-2004 by Chris Holmstead]
[Edited on 1-11-2004 by Chris Holmstead]
[Edited on 1-11-2004 by Chris Holmstead]
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Stephanie Jackter
Senior Nomad
Posts: 566
Registered: 11-3-2002
Location: Arizona
Member Is Offline
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Que Pena!!!
I would've been mortified when I found out I'd crashed that party! How funny! - Stephanie
When the goin' gets tough, the wierd turn pro
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Chris Holmstead
Banned
Posts: 34
Registered: 1-3-2004
Location: Spartanburg, SC (after July 4, 2008)
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Too dumb
at 27 to be mortified, probably should have found something in the van to give as a present, but then again too dumb.
What is not dumb though is Grover's idea, brilliant, I have more stories, anyone that gets down here much probaly does, why don't we try to make this
the longest thread, or get it it's own part of the board...Go Grover...Chris
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Corky1
Nomad
Posts: 416
Registered: 11-22-2003
Member Is Offline
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Quick stop for a cup of coffee
Around 1975 while returning to Ensenada from San Felipe my wife and I stopped at a small resturant in a small ejido-Independencia, just north of Valle
De Trinidad.
This "Resturant" was actually the two front rooms of the owners home.
As we entered the children were chased into the rest of the house to make room for the customers.
We ordered our food and also asked for coffee.
As you know if you travel in rural Baja, coffee is hot water and mix your own instano coffee.
As I drink mine black and hot I started drinking my coffee as soon as I mixed it. My wife likes a little sugar in her coffee and lets it cool before
drinking.
As our hostess was bringing our food my wife started dring her coffee.
As she did an awful look came on her face.
Our hostess noticed it and asked if something was wrong??
My wife then asked, pointing to a small bowl on our table and asked, Es Sucra??? With a very worried look our hostess answered, No ,es sal.
With this answer we all realized she had put salt in her coffee thinking it was sugar.
After a good laugh by everyone, she got a fresh cup of water and started again. We still stop at that resrturant when ever going that way.
Just another Baja story.
Corky
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dbrooks
Junior Nomad
Posts: 60
Registered: 1-7-2004
Location: San Diego
Member Is Offline
Mood: The shock treat
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Ski's gonna love this one...
About 20 years ago, two friends and myself decided to run down to TJ for the day (you can see where this is going)...
We went to Dragon Rojo for a beer, and then walked to Zona Rio. We went to a well known disco named Rio Rita?s. The place was dead (of course), but
we sat down for a beer anyhow. For those of you who remember the place (does it still exist...?), there has a tri-level setup. We were on the
mid-level, looking down onto the dance floor and the lower bar, which was empty.
As I looked down, I noticed a guy with his head down on the bar taking a siesta - he had probably been working all night cleaning the place up. Well,
since I was the quintessential 20-year-old American a-hole, I picked up a glass ashtray and lobbed it down on the bar. I intentionally missed the
guys head by about 6 inches ? and scared the crap out of him.
I had not even turned around before 5 employees were all over me. I had had just enough Tequila to think that I could fight them all off. I'm not a
big guy, 5-9, 145lbs at the time.
All five of them grabbed me, and my friends, and dragged us up the steep stairs to the street. My buddies were being very passive about the whole
thing, as they were not about to get their asses (nice auto editor!) kicked due to my stupidity.
We reached the street and I was literally thrown on the sidewalk. Two or three of the guys then decided that I needed a little more education, and
started kicking me in the stomach, head, wherever. I was curled up in the fetal position, and luckily escaped with no real injuries.
When they were done kicking the hell out of me, one of them took his foot and planted in firmly on my face so that I would stay on the ground - highly
effective.
At some point, the biggest guy picked me up and put me against the wall, saying "You're going to jail"! Uh ho...now I was bummin'. I started kissing
ass as best I knew how. When a cop didn't show up in a couple of minutes, the big guy takes me in a headlock, and starts walking me around the
corner. I?m thinking that he is going to beat me up some more, and let me off.
On the way to the corner, he was holding me in his right arm, lecturing me about what arrogant Americans we were (all true) and slapping me in the
face (HARD) with his left hand - again, highly effective!
Along the way, I realized that I had lost my wallet during the tussle up the stairway (I had one guy on each limb). Once around the corner, The Big
Guy stood me up, dusted me off, and said that I could come back anytime, and that I would get in for free! Just about that time, another guy comes
around the corner and hands me my wallet, intact.
I was NEVER AGAIN disrespectful to the people in Mexico. It was a hard lesson learned, and I was not raised in such a manner that I didn't know right
from wrong - just a stoopid kid with one too many shots of Tequila in me.
Never returned to Rio Rita's - in fact, I have only gone back to TJ twice since then, showing Chinese clients around (I leave this story out of the
tour).
[Edited on 1-11-2004 by dbrooks]
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Ski Baja
Senior Nomad
Posts: 652
Registered: 8-19-2003
Location: Rosarito Beach
Member Is Offline
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You are right D
I did enjoy that story. Sounds like you faired pretty well.
To this day, when I drink too much Tequila, something weird and probably not good is destined to happen. Guaranteed.
I was no angel and neither was anyone else. I have many stories but I think if I were to post them here, they would be deleted
What I did learn a long time ago though, was that these guys I used to fear were way more human and caring than most of my friends, neighbors and
schoolmates in the L.A. area. And that was a long time ago !
And now I live here and stand by every word I say about them. They have proven by actions rather than words that they are deserving of respect.
It's time for a return to Addams Family values!
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Markitos
Nomad
Posts: 218
Registered: 1-4-2004
Location: San Diego/La Paz
Member Is Offline
Mood: let me check
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Tequila
Funny how that one word can set off a million stories!!For I to have had my time driving the bottle as they say. I just cant remeber them all.: As a
kid we used to head down all the time to surf and do what 16 year old surf kids do. And it wasnt allways pretty, Thank god my folks thought I was
spending the night surfing wind and sea or some thing. All told i spent 4 times in the pokie. Most where boring one nighters. But one time I was soooo
pickeled I didn't say my name right. The next day when my friends looked to bail me out, there was no one by the name Markitos there!! It took 5 days
till my brother camer down with a picture of me and low and behold there I was. Jeeeez I still remmeber the coffee in there and this one dude in a
dress and a huge mexican style mustash. Thank god (again) we all made it through those times alive and well !!! Now a days I haul butt till Im well
away from the crowds and party people. And enjoy a coldie on the beach . I learned as we our kiddies will to by the school of hard (realy) hard
knocks 
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Debra
Super Nomad
Posts: 2101
Registered: 10-31-2002
Location: Port Orchard Wa./Bahia de Los Angeles BC
Member Is Offline
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please, please!
This is the best thread ever! Come on! I know there are more stories out there! I wish I had one to share, but, the only things I've ever seen were
just ....not funny to the person doing the funny LOL!(and I didn't do "it", so it would be rude of me to put it out on the WWW)....I'm not a
writer...come on Mike H., I know you must has a killzillion......share!
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DanO
Super Nomad
Posts: 1923
Registered: 8-26-2003
Location: Not far from the Pacific
Member Is Offline
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Let's say you're in Hussongs late on a busy weekend night and one of your idiotic drunken friends notices a beautiful senorita on the arm of a rugged
young ranchero wearing what looks to be his Sunday-best duds and favorite cowboy hat (in a large group of similarly attired young men and their
beautiful young senoritas). They're having a wonderful time, talking, smiling, having a sip of beer now and then, laughing, happy to be together to
share a night out with friends. Let's say that your idiotic drunken friend stares at the beautiful girl for about three minutes without speaking,
quickly knocks back a couple more shots of tequila, and then asks you how old you think the girl is. You say, 23, maybe 24. Let's say that he says
no way, she's not a day over 14 and I'm going over to talk to her and he weaves his way over to her and tries to strike up a conversation. If this
ever happens (remember, I'm just speaking hypothetically here), I highly recommend that you do all of the following: (a) chase your idiot friend
down and stomp hard on his foot, (b) at the same time, warmly complement the ranchero on his great luck in finding such a lovely girlfriend and wish
them all the happiness in the world, (c) offer on your idiotic drunken friend's behalf (and at his expense, since you're still grinding your heel into
the top of his foot and what choice does he really have at this point) to buy drinks for the ranchero and his girlfriend and (what the hell, it's not
your money) all of his friends and their girls, (d) toast all of their health, (e) send your idiotic drunken friend into the Hussongs bathroom to take
a leak, and (f) laugh heartily with all of your new friends when your idiotic drunken friend comes tearing through the bar to careen outside and throw
up in the gutter (that bathroom will do it to anyone). Let's say you then say adios to your new friends and walk outside to observe your idiotic
drunken friend seated on the curb rocking back and forth and leaning down to puke periodically. You notice that there's a girl seated a few feet away
from him on the curb who's in pretty much the same condition (but not nearly as attractive as the lovely senorita inside). If this happens, your
should say "hey man, looks like you found yourself a new girlfriend" and then make a mental note to never, ever take your idiotic drunken friend to
Hussongs again (not like he'd go even if you offered but hey, this is all hypothetical, right?).
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Baja Bernie
`Normal` Nomad Correspondent
Posts: 2962
Registered: 8-31-2003
Location: Sunset Beach
Member Is Offline
Mood: Just dancing through life
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Herb
Love this thread and hope it continues forever.
I try to write and you can rest assured that Senor Bistec will be presented to my friend Senor Lupe Perez the owner of "El Nido's"(the nest) the best
steak house in Rosarito, San Felipe and Loreto. Perhaps Lupe will put it in/on his menu.
I know I will use it in one of my books on Baja. Gracias.
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Herb
Nomad
Posts: 202
Registered: 11-6-2003
Location: Torrance, CA
Member Is Offline
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Thanks Bernie
I, too, have found this thread ejoyable to read. (Thanks grover) . Sometimes we all
take ourselves way too seriously and this is a great way to laugh at ourselves and one another. I have heard a lot about you being a writer. Where can
someone obtain your book(s)? I don't even know your full name but I'd be interested in reading you. (Send me a U2U if you would be embarassed or don't
feel it appropriate in this forum)
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Chris Holmstead
Banned
Posts: 34
Registered: 1-3-2004
Location: Spartanburg, SC (after July 4, 2008)
Member Is Offline
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Uno mas and a recipe too
In Puerta Vallarta at a beach Cafe called Eldorado on our honeymoon I ordered the Kaluha Shrimp, my wife thought it sounded weird, and I was crazy;
she hasn't changed her opinion on the later. She ordered her standard grilled fish. Our dinners came, the wife as always had to taste mine. I ended up
having grilled fish for dinner; it wasn't the first time or the last that kind of thing happened. But it turned out ok because I got the recipe;
here's my variation.
Heat oil (don't use olive oil the tastes don't go together), add some garlic along with as much Jalapeno as you can stand. Stir and turn the heat up,
toss in the biggest shrimp you can find, and after they've blistered on the outside add a little Kahlua let it carmalize on the shrimp while stirring
and then put in some more Kahlua, enough for a little sauce; a little bit goes a long ways. Serve over big thick Mexican pasta.
It's hot sweet and sticky, almost as good as the cilantro sacallops I came up with on our last night at Concepcion one year when all that was left in
the cooler were some cerranos a couple of tomatos, and a lot of cilantro. We were looking at spicy cilantro salad for dinner, Ramen noodles or
spaghetios when a boy showed up selling scallops. It went well with with our dried up corn tortillas and the last of the red wine.
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David K
Honored Nomad
Posts: 65161
Registered: 8-30-2002
Location: San Diego County
Member Is Offline
Mood: Have Baja Fever
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Bernie's books
Baja Bernie Swaim is the author of 'Mi Baja, No Hurry, No Worry' and his brand new 'Bouncing Down Baja'. Bernie's web site is http://www.CaballeroPublishing.com and is linked at the bottom of his posts. In my web site are several links to Baja authors' web sites, in my
Links to Great Baja Web Sites section: http://davidksbaja.com/davidslinks.html Brnie's new book ia also advertised here on Nomad in the Miscl. Classified Ads section.
[Edited on 1-14-2004 by David K]
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Herb
Nomad
Posts: 202
Registered: 11-6-2003
Location: Torrance, CA
Member Is Offline
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Thanks David!
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Stephanie Jackter
Senior Nomad
Posts: 566
Registered: 11-3-2002
Location: Arizona
Member Is Offline
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There's a place that butts up right against the 20 ft. border fence in downtown Nogales that serves really nasty Mexican food. But along with your
meal, they bring little shots of tequila in tiny plastic cups and after a couple of those, who cares.
Well, some years ago, I discovered the place with a couple of friends I was tour guiding for. The wife and I drank a couple and stopped, but her
husband decided to be a real commedian and drank more than a few and when she finally said, "Honey, I think that's enough", he tipped all the newly
supplied cups into the middle of a saucer and gulped them down with a big, macho, "You're not gonna tell me what to do, Honey" smile on his face.
By the time we got back across the border, he was wasted, to say the least. She took the wheel, with him in the passenger seat and me in the back
seat behind him and we started for home. About a mile down the road, he pulls out a joint, and those of you have ever tried to mix the two might have
some insight where it went from there.
First, he needs a little fresh air and rolls down the window. Then the puke starts flying. I found out something about the aerodynamic properties of
wind and solids when every bit of it came flying back in on me!
I asked the wife to pull over and when she did, her husband rolled out of the car and onto the ground, moaning. Of course, at this point, it was time
for the highway patrol to show up. I've never been more embarrassed in my life, standing there covered in Tequila smelling urp, trying to hold an
intelligent conversation with a cop about why this dweeb was groaning in the grass.
Needless to say, that was the last time I went to Nogy with him! - Stephanie
When the goin' gets tough, the wierd turn pro
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