| Pages:
1
..
4
5
6
7
8 |
bajamedic
Nomad
Posts: 392
Registered: 12-5-2008
Location: Northern California
Member Is Offline
Mood: Just waitin for baja
|
|
For all of our engineer and builder nomads:
Two engineering students were walking across a university campus when one said, "Where did you get such a great bike?"
The second engineer replied, "Well, I was walking along yesterday, minding my own business, when a beautiful woman rode up on this bike, threw it to
the ground, took off all her clothes and said, "Take what you want."
The second engineer nodded approvingly and said, "Good choice; the clothes probably wouldn't have fitted you anyway."
|
|
|
fishabductor
Senior Nomad
Posts: 800
Registered: 5-29-2010
Member Is Offline
|
|
| Quote: | Originally posted by bajamedic
For all of our engineer and builder nomads:
Two engineering students were walking across a university campus when one said, "Where did you get such a great bike?"
The second engineer replied, "Well, I was walking along yesterday, minding my own business, when a beautiful woman rode up on this bike, threw it to
the ground, took off all her clothes and said, "Take what you want."
The second engineer nodded approvingly and said, "Good choice; the clothes probably wouldn't have fitted you anyway." |
This is coming from an engineer...most engineers cannot think outside of the Box
[Edited on 4-6-2011 by fishabductor]
|
|
|
dtutko1
Nomad
Posts: 341
Registered: 8-26-2009
Member Is Offline
|
|
The professor at the medical school was in the middle of his lecture on "involuntery muscle contractions" . He noticed a couple of nodding heads and
decided to spice up the lecture by asking a woman in the front row if she knows what her a-hole is doing when she has a climax. She thinks for a
moment and says "he's probably out fishing in Baja with his buddies"
Dorado Don
|
|
|
monoloco
Elite Nomad
Posts: 6667
Registered: 7-13-2009
Location: Pescadero BCS
Member Is Offline
|
|
Little Johnny's father sits him down and says:" Johnny we are going next door to see the Smiths new baby, which was tragically born with no ears, I
want you on your best behavior and if I hear you say anything about the baby's ears I'm going to beat your ass when we get home. Do you understand me
Johnny?" " Yes dad I understand, I won't say a word about ears." So they go to the Smiths and Johnny is looking at the baby and says:" The baby is so
beautiful Mrs. Smith, his eyes are really pretty. Can the baby see good?'' Mrs. Smith says" why yes Johnny the doctor says the baby has perfect
vision" Little Johnny replies" That's good Mrs. Smith 'cause if he needed glasses he'd really be flocked."
|
|
|
grizzlyfsh95
Nomad
Posts: 226
Registered: 1-8-2010
Location: East Cape
Member Is Offline
|
|
The horse walks into a saloon. The bartender looks up and says "why the long face".
|
|
|
Cypress
Elite Nomad
Posts: 7641
Registered: 3-12-2006
Location: on the bayou
Member Is Offline
Mood: undecided
|
|
Earl and Bubba were out fishing, all relaxed, chewing tobacco and drinking beer. Suddenly Bubba says "Think I'm gonna divorce my wife, she ain't spoke
to me in 2 months." Earl spits overboard, takes a long, slow sip of beer and says, "Better think it over Bubba...women like that are hard to find."
|
|
|
bajamedic
Nomad
Posts: 392
Registered: 12-5-2008
Location: Northern California
Member Is Offline
Mood: Just waitin for baja
|
|
Lets continue with the engineer jokes
A priest, a doctor, and an engineer were waiting one morning for a particularly slow group of golfers.
The engineer fumed, "What's with those blokes? We must have been waiting
for fifteen minutes!"
The doctor chimed in, "I don't know, but I've never seen such inept golf!"
The priest said, "Here comes the greens keeper. Let's have a word with him."
He said, "Hello, George! what's wrong with that group ahead of us? They're rather slow, aren't they?"
The greens keeper replied, "Oh, yes. That's a group of blind fire fighters. They lost their sight saving our clubhouse from a fire last year, so we
always let them play for free anytime."
The group fell silent for a moment.
The priest said, "That's so sad. I think I will say a special prayer for them tonight."
The doctor said, "Good idea. I'm going to contact my ophthalmologist colleague and see if there's anything he can do for them."
The engineer said, "Why can't they play at night?"
|
|
|
dtutko1
Nomad
Posts: 341
Registered: 8-26-2009
Member Is Offline
|
|
I just got back from the VA for my annual check-up. My good looking female doctor told me I needed to stop masterbating. I asked her why? She said I'm
trying to examine you! Everything else was ok.
Dorado Don
|
|
|
bajamedic
Nomad
Posts: 392
Registered: 12-5-2008
Location: Northern California
Member Is Offline
Mood: Just waitin for baja
|
|
Our teacher asked us what our favorite animal was, and I said, "Fried chicken." She said I wasn't funny, but she couldn't have been right, everyone
else in the class laughed.
My parents told me to always be truthful and honest, and I am. Fried chicken is my favorite animal. I told my dad what happened, and he said my
teacher was probably a member of PETA. He said they love animals very much. I do, too. Especially chicken, pork and beef.
Anyway, my teacher sent me to the principal's office. I told him what happened, and he laughed too. Then he told me not to do it again.
The next day in class my teacher asked me what my favorite live animal was. I told her it was chicken. She asked me why, just like she'd asked the
other children. So I told her it was because you could make them into fried chicken. She sent me back to the principal's office again. He laughed, and
told me not to do it again.
I don't understand. My parents taught me to be honest, but my teacher doesn't like it when I am. Today, my teacher asked us to tell her what famous
person we admire most.
I told her, "Colonel Sanders".
Guess where I am now...
|
|
|
burnrope
Nomad
Posts: 214
Registered: 10-24-2006
Member Is Offline
|
|
The Bin Laden c-cktail:
Two shots and a splash of water.
|
|
|
bajacalifornian
Super Nomad
Posts: 1117
Registered: 9-4-2010
Location: Loreto/Lopez Mateos/Rosarito
Member Is Offline
|
|
Be careful about buying anything on E-Bay........
RIPPED OFF ON E-BAY
Spent $50 on E-bay for a penis enlarger.
Bastards sent me a magnifying glass.
Instructions said don't use in the sun
American by birth, Mexican by choice.
Signature addendum: Danish physicist — Niels Bohr — who said, “The opposite of one profound truth may very well be another profound truth.
Jeff Petersen
|
|
|
Pompano
Elite Nomad
Posts: 8194
Registered: 11-14-2004
Location: Bay of Conception and Up North
Member Is Offline
Mood: Optimistic
|
|
So...When people are laughing, they’re generally not killing each other.
Have you ever been guilty of looking at others your own age and thinking, "Surely I can't look THAT OLD!" 
If so, you might relate to this as told by 'Baja Alice':
ALICE - HER STORY:
“ I was sitting in the waiting room for my first appointment with a new dentist.
I noticed his DDS diploma on the wall, which bore his full name. Suddenly I remember a tall, handsome, dark-haired boy with the same name had been
in my high school class, some 40-odd years ago.
Could he be the same guy that I had a secret crush on..way back then?
Upon seeing him, however, I quickly discarded any such thought.
This balding, gray-haired man with the deeply lined face was 'way too old' to have been my classmate.
After he examined my teeth, I asked him if he had attended Fargo South Cental High School.
"Yes..yes, i did. I'm a Bison," he gleamed with pride.
'When did you graduate?, I asked.
He answered, "In 1971, why do you ask?"
'You were in my class!', I exclaimed.
He looked at me closely.
Then, that ugly, old, bald, wrinkled-faced, fat-burroed, gray-haired, decrepit son-of-a-beach asked,"
'WHAT DID YOU TEACH???'
I do what the voices in my tackle box tell me.
|
|
|
bent-rim
Nomad
Posts: 294
Registered: 7-31-2007
Location: Marin County
Member Is Offline
Mood: Living la vida mota
|
|
I miss this thread.
Are My Testicles Black?
A male patient is lying in bed in the hospital, wearing an oxygen mask over his mouth and nose. A young student nurse appears and gives him a partial
sponge bath.
"Nurse" he munbles from behind the mask, "are my testicles black?"
Embarrassed, the young nurse replies, "I don't know sir. I'm only here to wash your upper body.
He struggles to ask again, "Nurse, please check for me. Are my testicles black?"
Concerned that he might elevate his blood pressure from worrying about his testicle, she overcomes her embarrassment and pulls back the covers. She
raises his gown, holds his manhood in one hand and his testicles gently in the other hand. She looks at them closely and says, "There's nothing wrong
with them sir, they look fine."
The man pulls of his oxygen mask, smiles at her and says very slowly, "Thank you very much. That was wonderful. Now listen very, very closely:
Are-my-test-results-back?"
|
|
|
Mulegena
Super Nomad
Posts: 2412
Registered: 11-7-2006
Member Is Offline
|
|
To the animal lovers on the board.
https://www.facebook.com/photo.php?v=4621016135353&set=v...
"Raise your words, not your voice. It's rain that grows flowers, not thunder." ~Rumi
"It's the mark of an educated mind to be able to entertain a thought without accepting it." ~ Aristotle
|
|
|
durrelllrobert
Elite Nomad
Posts: 7393
Registered: 11-22-2007
Location: Punta Banda BC
Member Is Offline
Mood: thriving in Baja
|
|
The wife told me to go out and get some of those pills that will help me get an erection.
You should have seen her face when I came back and tossed her some diet pills!
I'm looking for a place to live, can you help me?
Bob Durrell
|
|
|
captkw
Ultra Nomad
Posts: 3850
Registered: 10-19-2010
Location: el charro b.c.s.
Member Is Offline
Mood: new dog/missing the old 1
|
|
Please excuse me ladies !!
WHATS the Diff between your ex-wife and a hurricane ????? not much,,they both scream when there coming,,and afterwards the House is gone
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! LOL..K&T
|
|
|
captkw
Ultra Nomad
Posts: 3850
Registered: 10-19-2010
Location: el charro b.c.s.
Member Is Offline
Mood: new dog/missing the old 1
|
|
WELCOME BACK POMPANO !!!!!!!
YEE HAA,,,M, THE POSTER IS BACK !!!
|
|
|
willardguy
Elite Nomad
Posts: 6451
Registered: 9-19-2009
Member Is Offline
|
|
| Quote: | Originally posted by captkw
YEE HAA,,,M, THE POSTER IS BACK !!! |
sorry cappy, you might wanna check that date on pompano's post!
|
|
|
DanO
Super Nomad
Posts: 1923
Registered: 8-26-2003
Location: Not far from the Pacific
Member Is Offline
|
|
Guy walks into a psychiatrist's office wearing nothing but underwear made of Saran Wrap.
Psychiatrist says, "I can clearly see your nuts."
Bada bing.
\"Without deviation from the norm, progress is not possible.\" -- Frank Zappa
|
|
|
vandenberg
Elite Nomad
Posts: 5118
Registered: 6-21-2005
Location: Nopolo
Member Is Offline
Mood: mellow
|
|
She was standing in the kitchen, preparing our usual
soft-boiled eggs and toast for breakfast, wearing only The 'T' shirt that she normally slept in.
As I walked in, almost awake, she turned to me and said softly, "You've got to make love to me this very moment!"
My eyes lit up and I thought, "I am either still dreaming or this is going to be my lucky day!" Not wanting to lose the moment, I embraced her and
then gave it my all; right there on the kitchen table.
Afterwards she said, "Thanks," and returned to the stove,
her T-shirt still around her neck.
Happy, but a little puzzled, I asked, "What was that all about?"
She explained, "The egg timer's broken."
|
|
|
| Pages:
1
..
4
5
6
7
8 |
![[*]](images/xmbforum/default_icon.gif){kind=icon}
